Lame Jokes Part 2

[RedmanWasHere]

I wonder whether I should post a joke about rhetorical questions?

I wonder if i can hypothesise about hypotheses.

 

[worbod]

I wonder whether Del Shannon ever used a guitar pedal. I wah-wah wah-wah wonder.

 

[worbod]

I once had to pay the government 25,000 dollars to persuade them to name an extended break in a rock formation after me. It's my own fault.

 

[Quadzilla]

I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants..

Feefiphobia

 

[Quadzilla]

I just bought a Bonnie Tyler cardio CD

It is totally clips of the heart

 

[roscreasl98]

I just bought a Bonnie Tyler cardio CD

It is totally clips of the heart

Today I bought the latest CD from Irish singer Clare Voyant.
She had left a text yesterday thanking me for the purchase.....

 

[worbod]

Anybody remember this one from the 1980s:

Q. What's the difference between a Wham record and a George Michael solo record?

A. On a Wham record you can hear Andrew Ridgeley in the background doing nothing.

 

[worbod]

Is it the ultimate irony that Hugh Hefner will now forever be a stiff?

 

[Damp Squarie]

A lot of blokes can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in Australia.
Well, there's a very simple answer.
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
We just didn't know we were getting low.
The reason for that is purely geographical.

Our OIL is located in:
Bass Strait
East Queensland Shale Fields
Canning Basin
Perth Basin
and
North-West Continental Shelf
Our DIPSTICKS are located in:
Canberra

Any questions???

 

[Xtreme]

My mate reckons he always cries after sex. I thought he was just really emotional!

Then I remembered... he's in prison.

 

[GreyCrow]

My mate reckons he always cries after sex. I thought he was just really emotional!

Then I remembered... he's in prison.

I used to be worried about the sex and violence in prison
Then I figured it was my cellmates problem

 

[Scoopar]

I've been working on a new joke about mathematics.
It goes 20 plus 20, divided by 20, minus 20, divided by 20, times 20, divided by 20....

But I think I will have to stop telling it, it's too divisive.

 

[Scoopar]

Mate of mine said he was going out on Tuesday night, because it was tight arse Tuesday.

I said, "So what are you seeing at the cinema"

He said he wasn't going to a cinema.

He was going to a brothel.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I've just moved to an area where people own boats and talk to one another from the moorings.

It's pier to pier networking.

 

[worbod]

What did one 12 year old boy's testicle say to the other testicle?

Hey look, Shorty's growing a beard.

 

[Damp Squarie]

Son: "Dad, this boy at school keeps calling me gay."
Dad: "Then why don't you beat the far kin s**t out of him?"
Son: "I can't. He's too cute."

 

[worbod]

Why couldn't anybody see the bird?

Because it was in da skies.

 

[worbod]

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a man with a baby giraffe sitting next to him.
"Is that a baby giraffe you have with you?" asked the man, surprised.
"Sure is," replied the other man.
"What are you doing bringing a giraffe to the movies?"
The man replied, "Well, he really enjoyed the book."

 

[GreyCrow]

Whats the cheapest meat you can get these days?

Deer

2 under a Buck

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I want there to be milk which helps you sit very well.

Posturised milk.

 

[worbod]

A snail was tried of everyone making fun of slow he was, so he bought himself a brand new Ferrari. To make it look extra cool, and because he was a snail, he painted a big S on the front of the car. From then on, whenever anybody saw the snail driving down the street, they would say, "Look at that S car go."

 

[Farmer2Goggin]

What's a Giraffe's favourite sort of alcohol?

Long neck.

Giraffes are great to have a drink with - the highballs are always on them

 

[RedmanWasHere]

If you were at a playground and were too heavy for the swings, you'd go down swinging.

 

[GreyCrow]

If you were at a playground and were too heavy for the swings, you'd go down swinging.

I told my ex that

 

[roscreasl98]

I told my ex that

A bald bloke walks into a tattooist.

"I'll have 10 rabbits tattooed on my head thanks".

"Why rabbits?" asked the tattooist.

"Because from a distance, they look like hares"......