Lame Jokes Part 2

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A man goes into a barbershop and asks for a shave. The barber starts shaving him and then after a few minutes produces a pair of small wooden balls and says, "Here, just pop these in your mouth to stretch your cheeks so I can give you a nice close shave."
The man puts the balls in his mouth between his cheeks and gums and the barber finishes the shave. At the end the man tells the barber, "That was the closest shave I've ever had. There's just one problem. I've accidentally swallowed one of your little wooden balls."
"That's okay," says the barber. "It's happened before. Just do what everyone else does. Bring it back tomorrow."
 
worbod said:
A man goes into a barbershop and asks for a shave. The barber starts shaving him and then after a few minutes produces a pair of small wooden balls and says, "Here, just pop these in your mouth to stretch your cheeks so I can give you a nice close shave."
The man puts the balls in his mouth between his cheeks and gums and the barber finishes the shave. At the end the man tells the barber, "That was the closest shave I've ever had. There's just one problem. I've accidentally swallowed one of your little wooden balls."
"That's okay," says the barber. "It's happened before. Just do what everyone else does. Bring it back tomorrow."
Click to expand...
Did actually lol

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A milkman is doing his deliveries when a woman comes out of her house and asks if he can deliver 20 gallons of milk.
"That's a lot," says the milkman.
"I know," says the woman, "but I was reading that if you bathe in milk it's a wonderful aphrodisiac."
"Okay," says the milkman, "so you want it pasteurised?"
"No," says the woman, "just up to my **** will be fine."
 
A man wants to check if it's raining outside. So he sticks his hand out his window and as he does so a glass eye drops into his palm.
"What's this?" says the man and decides it must have come from the person who lives in the flat above him. He leans out the window and calls up,"Hello! Has anyone up there just lost a glass eye?"
"Yes!" shouts a woman's voice. "Could you bring it up to me please?"
And so the man goes up the stairs and knocks on the door of the flat above. A woman answers and is very grateful to have her glass eye returned. She invites the man in for a drink. Then she tells him she is about to have dinner and asks if he would like to stay.
After the meal she tells him, "I've enjoyed our time together very much and so I wondered if you might like to stay the night with me?"
"My goodness," says the man. "Do you say that to all the men you meet?"
"No," says the woman, "only to those who catch my eye."
 
worbod said:
A milkman is doing his deliveries when a woman comes out of her house and asks if he can deliver 20 gallons of milk.
"That's a lot," says the milkman.
"I know," says the woman, "but I was reading that if you bathe in milk it's a wonderful aphrodisiac."
"Okay," says the milkman, "so you want it pasteurised?"
"No," says the woman, "just up to my **** will be fine."
Click to expand...
The same milko was retiring. On his final morning, he was pleasantly surprised by the number of well wishers who gave him cakes, biscuits, cards and presents.
Then he approached his favourite piece of eye candy. Mrs Smith was in her 40's but still an absolute knock out, and the milko was always trying to get himself an eyeful whenever he saw her.
On this, his final morning, Mrs Smith opened the front door & asked him to step inside. She led him to the kitchen where she sat him down and gave him breakfast. Bacon, eggs, toast, coffee. The lot. He ate until he was full.
Upon finishing breakfast, Mrs Smith took him by the hand and led him upstairs to the bedroom where she undressed him and they proceeded to have passionate sex. It was the best sex he had ever had and left him spent.
Eventually, he had to leave and get back to work. As he was leaving, Mrs Smith slid a $5 note in his shirt pocket.
He asked Mrs Smith what was going on, to which she replied:
"I told my husband you were retiring and asked him what to give you. He said: "* him. Give him $5." But breakfast was my idea."

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A friend invited me to a special barbecue which was going to be held at the top of Sydney Harbour Bridge, but I had to decline. The steaks were too high.
 

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I've been told I need to clean up my humour.


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