Lame Jokes Part 2

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worbod

Premiership Player
Oct 26, 2008
4,707
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Bendigo
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Liverpool
Our new librarian is very polite and I think she's Italian. When I took a book back that was weeks overdue, rather than charging me she said, "That's-a-fine."
 

crowmyzone

They Can’t Kill Us All
May 20, 2001
30,353
25,733
Beetaloo
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A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!' ;)
 

Generalissimo

Premiership Player
Jul 14, 2002
4,614
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Somewhere
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The Mighty Cats
Two whales walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bartender and says "OOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOHUUUUUUUAAAAAAoooooooOOOOOOOOO"

The second one says, "Go home, Carl, you're drunk."
 

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crowmyzone

They Can’t Kill Us All
May 20, 2001
30,353
25,733
Beetaloo
AFL Club
Adelaide
Other Teams
Baghdad Bombers
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy!

I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law!

I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.
 
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