Lame Jokes Part 2

[GreyCrow]

I just left my job at a shoe disposal plant.

It was sole destroying.

You must have felt like a heel

 

[Andrewy]

I prefer driving with a strong tail wind.

But my wife says that's not what the term means, and all I'm doing is making the car smell like rotten eggs.

 

[Andrewy]

The devil went down to Georgia looking for a soul to steal.

He was walking along the country road when he saw a boy playing his fiddle on the side of the road.

The devil walks up to him and says, "Hey boy, you're pretty good with that fiddle, but I bet that I'm better than you."

The little boy says, "Alright, mister. What do you have in mind?"
The devil smiles and says, "Well, how about we have ourselves a fiddle duel? If you can beat me then you will receive my own golden fiddle. But if you lose, you must give me your soul."

The boy thinks upon this for awhile, then smiles as he says, "Alright, mister. You're on."

At those words the devil laughs as he begins to play his fiddle solo. It is the most masterful and beautiful piece the little boy had ever heard, and when the devil was finished he bows before the little boy.

"Alrighty," says the little boy, "my turn!"

The little boy then takes his fiddle and whacks the devil on the head numerous times.

"You rotten brat!", the devil exclaims. "What was THAT for?!"

To which, with a coy grin, the boy replies,

"I beat you! Now cough up that golden fiddle!"

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I just left my job at a shoe disposal plant.

It was sole destroying.

I heard your shop was the last one standing in a shopping centre.

It was the sole trader.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

And, as a result of that Andrewy, I heard you've been a bit toey.

 

[Andrewy]

And, as a result of that Andrewy, I heard you've been a bit toey.

Talking about being toey...I am really a funghi.

 

[Damp Squarie]

MEDICAL UPDATE
Remember this the next time you have major surgery and need a blood transfusion!

Australian Medical Association researchers have found that patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

Just thought you'd like to know.

 

[Andrewy]

What did Eminem say when 50 Cent made him a sweater?

“Gee, you knit?”

 

[Andrewy]

My new favorite word is "drool."

It just rolls off the tongue.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What did Eminem say when 50 Cent made him a sweater?

“Gee, you knit?”

This one will go over young and old heads.

 

[Deliverance]

Just broke up with my cross eyed girlfriend.

We could never see eye to eye.

It's OK though. I think she was seeing someone on the side.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Just broke up with my cross eyed girlfriend.

We could never see eye to eye.

It's OK though. I think she was seeing someone on the side.

Wasn't it obvious at the start?
She couldn't focus on the relationship.

 

[Andrewy]

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?"

"Sofishticated."

 

[Andrewy]

You know people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

 

[GreyCrow]

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?"

"Sofishticated."

I reckon you heard this in the Sean Cannery

 

[GreyCrow]

If a Tesla gets stolen does it turn into an Edison?

 

[emuboy]

Why should you listen to country and western songs backwards?

Because if you do you get your farm, your dog and your girl back.

 

[Damp Squarie]

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

 

[Mofra]

Why should you listen to country and western songs backwards?

Because if you do you get your farm, your dog and your girl back.

Country music - aka Farm Emo

 

[Wallaby]

I was once so depressed I sat down and wrote a suicide note.

Fortunately, I pulled myself together and went on to a successful career in country music.

 

[Deliverance]

Took the airline to court to sue for damages when my luggage went missing.

I lost my case.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What does Borat think of a European city?

Venice.

 

[worbod]

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.

I couldn't find a manual either.

I found Hector.

 

[worbod]

I put up a high-voltage electric fence around my house. My neighbour is dead against it.