Lame Jokes Part 2

[Andrewy]

I was walking down the beach when I heard a swimmer yelling for help with a shark circling him.
I just laughed....I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

 

[Andrewy]

What's either a really gross animal issue OR an impressive, magical school?


Hogwarts.

 

[Andrewy]

I can cut down a tree only using my vision.

I saw it with my own eyes.

 

[Andrewy]

What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?

A barberqueue.

 

[Andrewy]

A Big Shout Out to my fingers.

I can count on all of them.

 

[Andrewy]

I used to be able to play the piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.

 

[Wallaby]

I used to be able to play the piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.

My Grandfather used to fiddle with his beard.

 

[GreyCrow]

My Grandfather used to fiddle with his beard.

 

[GreyCrow]

I had an operation on my hand and asked the doctor if I would be able to play the piano after

' Of course ' he said

What a fantastic result after never trying to play one

 

[Wallaby]

I had an operation on my hand and asked the doctor if I would be able to play the piano after

' Of course ' he said

What a fantastic result after never trying to play one

When I was a kid, I wanted a watch, but my Grandfather gave me a set of bagpipes.

I said 'But I wanted to know the time'. He said 'Just play the pipes'.

So I did, and the guy next door shouted 'Who's playing the f******* bagpipes at 1am?'.

 

[Andrewy]

I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What do you call a guy who steals doors?

Unhinged.

 

[GreyCrow]

What do you call a guy who steals doors?

Unhinged.

Or a knob

 

[Andrewy]

Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before it is a sadder day

 

[GreyCrow]

Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before it is a sadder day

I used to wonder why we always had fish and chips on a Fry Day

 

[Andrewy]

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Three.
The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear.

 

[Andrewy]

Justice is a dish best served cold.

Otherwise, it's just water.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Astronauts go to the Moon for the crater good.

 

[Andrewy]

Astronauts go to the Moon for the crater good.

always love a good ish dad joke

 

[RedmanWasHere]

always love a good ish dad joke

Did you see their new undies Andrewy?

Acka Dacks.

 

[Andrewy]

Did you see their new undies Andrewy?

Acka Dacks.

Someone stole my mood ring. So I don’t know how I feel about that.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Someone stole my mood ring. So I don’t know how I feel about that.

Someone stole the words from my dictionary.
Same person also took my voice.


I can't tell you how pissed off I am.

 

[Andrewy]

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket...

You can hide but you can't run...

 

[Andrewy]

My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography.

I don’t believe him, but that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.

 

[Andrewy]

Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him.

That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.