Lame Jokes Part 2

[GETSOMENUTS]

What do you call 4 mexicans in quicksand?
Quatro cinco....

 

[philreich]

I just bought a pet termite. I called him Clint, because Clint Eats Wood.

 

[GETSOMENUTS]

Why is Dwayne Johnson the only man who can turn lesbians?
Because Rock beats Scissors

 

[GETSOMENUTS]

Whats made from leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe

 

[GETSOMENUTS]

I was looking for some fly spray the other day and I asked the check out lady is this any good for spiders?
She said nah love, it kills them.

 

[Andrewy]

Have you noticed that people are making apocalypse jokes like there is no tomorrow?

 

[worbod]

I enjoyed watching some Dolly Parton music clips on YouTube the other day. It was a trip down mammary lane.

 

[GETSOMENUTS]

Did you hear about the knight who was also a spy?
He was dubbed Sir Veilance

 

[GETSOMENUTS]

I just found out that Cardi B has a sister who is a personal trainer.
Her name is Cardi-O

 

[Andrewy]

What do you call someone with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows

 

[Andrewy]

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday.

Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.

 

[GETSOMENUTS]

I recently took up origami but gave it gave me the s**ts pretty quick and I stopped.
Just too much paperwork....

 

[GETSOMENUTS]

My wife wanted to buy some new furniture I said no way we are changing the old recliner chair, Ive become quite attached to it. The chair and I go way back

 

[Andrewy]

I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.

 

[Andrewy]

People are usually shocked that I have a Police record.

But I love their greatest hits!

 

[Andrewy]

I've been investing heavily in stocks... chicken, beef and vegetable.

Soon I'll be a bouillonaire!

 

[Andrewy]

I prefer to wrap my presents in fuzzy fabric.

I just want to always make my presents felt.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Where do churchgoers go to shop?

Supray.

 

[raskolnikov]

I think my wife may be starting to exhibit the first sign of Alzheimers. She just told me that she can't remember what she ever saw in me.

 

[Andrewy]

I decided to link all my old wristwatches together to make a belt.


Its been a real waist of time.

 

[Andrewy]

A logger is walking through the forest and a tree yells, “Stop! You can't cut me down, I’m a talking tree!”


The logger yells back: “Yeah, and you’ll dialogue.”

 

[Andrewy]

Did I tell you about the about the time I was doing some acting and fell through the floorboards?


The Doctor told me I was just going through a stage.

 

[philreich]

Did you hear about the knight who was also a spy?
He was dubbed Sir Veilance

He also had a fat brother named Sir Cumference.

 

[Pistol Night]

As a middle aged Dad this thread should be renamed Absolute Pissers

 

[Andrewy]

As a middle aged Dad this thread should be renamed Absolute Pissers

You will be able to store them all in your dad-a-base