What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
A pork chop.
Lame Jokes Part 2
- Thread starter Hard Ball Get
- Start date
- Tagged users None
How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
Eclipse it!
Why don't blind men skydive?
Because it scares the s*** out of the dog.
Because it scares the s*** out of the dog.
How do you turn a dish washer into a snow blower?
Give her a shovel.
Give her a shovel.
The fight we had last night was my fault.
My wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.
My wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Juan on Juan.
Did you hear about the new French tank?
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.
Told a mate I went to the ballet yesterday..
Bolshoi he asked?
I said, nah, serious!
Bolshoi he asked?
I said, nah, serious!
- Banned
- #1,859
An Ex-Lawyer, a Lesbian, a Pathological Liar, a Fraudster, and a Communist walk into a Bar.
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Bartender asks.... "What'll it be, Ms. Gillard?"
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Bartender asks.... "What'll it be, Ms. Gillard?"
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into bar. The bartender looks up and asks "What is this, some kind of joke?
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam!
Dam!
Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
A stick
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
A woman puts an ad in the paper looking for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment, who wouldn't hit her, and could fulfill her while making love. Two weeks go by and nothing. Finally one day the door bell rings. She opens the door and sees a no-armed, no-legged man.
She looks at him and asks, "How do you expect to fulfill my wishes?"
He explains, "I have no arms to hit you with and no legs to run away."
Then she says, "And the last part?"
He looks at her and says, "I rang the door bell, didn't I?"
She looks at him and asks, "How do you expect to fulfill my wishes?"
He explains, "I have no arms to hit you with and no legs to run away."
Then she says, "And the last part?"
He looks at her and says, "I rang the door bell, didn't I?"
Teacher: "Josephine, give me a sentence beginning with I."
Josephine: "I is..."
Teacher: "No Josephine. It's always 'I am....' "
Josephine: "Okay. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Josephine: "I is..."
Teacher: "No Josephine. It's always 'I am....' "
Josephine: "Okay. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
When in a cold room, which part of the room would you go to?
The corner. Because its 90 degrees.
The corner. Because its 90 degrees.
Two fish were in a tank. One said you man the guns, I'll drive!
A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
What did the birdy say when it flew over wal-mart?
Cheap Cheap Cheap!
Cheap Cheap Cheap!
What goes "ha ha ha ha, *thump*?
Someone laughing their head off.
Someone laughing their head off.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
A fsh.
A fsh.
Why do chicken coops have only two doors?
Because if they had four doors, they'd be chicken sedans.
Because if they had four doors, they'd be chicken sedans.
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
For drizzle.
For drizzle.
What does Snoop Dogg wash his clothes with?
Blee-ach.
Blee-ach.
