Lame Jokes Part 2

[Procrastinator35]

What kind of sandals do Frogs wear?

Open toad.

 

[Damp Squarie]

"Abstinence Makes The Church Grow Fondlers" - bumper sticker

 

[worbod]

I wanted to write a joke about the facts of a court case I saw in the news but it ended up being a little brief.

 

[Damp Squarie]

Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."

 

[STFU Donnie]

Three mates are walking home, and as they turn the corner of a street, a power line falls down in front of them. The man who checks tickets on a tram for a living did not have time to react, stepped on the power line and died. The second man, who stands out the front of an orchestra for a living, went to help his friend, but when he made contact with his body he was immediately electrocuted. The third man, who works in a bakery, accidentally stepped on the power line, but he did not die. He was a non-conductor.

I thought, being a baker, that a currant ran up his leg.

 

[STFU Donnie]

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?

A: It doesn't matter. He's not going to come anyway.

 

[Damp Squarie]

I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed.
Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.

 

[worbod]

What did the ghost say to the bee?

Boo bee.

 

[Damp Squarie]

For the first time in UK history the end of May might come before the end of April.

 

[Procrastinator35]

For the first time in UK history the end of May may come, before the end of April.

EFA...and not before time either.

 

[worbod]

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers.

 

[worbod]

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Wa.

Wa who?

I knew you'd be glad to see me!

 

[worbod]

I wanted to tell you all a joke about a helicopter but it might go over your head.

 

[worbod]

What's blue and lies under a mushroom?

Smurf poo.

 

[Xtreme]

How much does a hipster weigh?
An instagram

 

[DroopStDanny]

I've decided to refrain from fat shaming people. I think they already have enough on their plates.

 

[Damp Squarie]

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,"Now you stay. Do you hear me?" "Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"

 

[DroopStDanny]

I had a woman approach me with the offer of sex on top of her brand new Honda. I told her if I was ever to have sex with her it would be on my own Accord.

 

[DroopStDanny]

After ten years of working in Pyongyang I've accepted a job offer in Seoul. It should be a nice change in Koreas.

 

[DroopStDanny]

I just came across an origami channel on youtube. Unfortunately it's a paper view.

 

[worbod]

The former lead-guitarist from Skyhooks is currently enjoying his new job redecorating community streets. He's painting the town, Red.

 

[worbod]

The former lead-guitarist from Skyhooks is currently enjoying his new job redecorating community streets. He's painting the town, Red.

Yeah, I know what you're all thinking:

 

[Generalissimo]

Pastor Schulz is about to check into their hotel and the front desk attendant is telling him about all the available channels. The Pastor interrupts, "Well, I certainly hope the pornography is disabled!"

"No, it's regular pr0n you sicko!"

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Yeah, I know what you're all thinking:

View attachment 674834

Nah.

A gong to end it all.

 

[worbod]

Nah.

A gong to end it all.

Maybe this is more what you were thinking: