Lame Jokes Part 2

[RedmanWasHere]

Maybe this is more what you were thinking:

View attachment 675373

Hahaha nah.

Connick Jr the sad sack.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Person 1: Wanna hear a farming joke?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: No dramas.
It was too corny anyway.

 

[Damp Squarie]

A group of four-year-olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!
"You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?"
"I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
"I took a ride on a choo-choo."
"No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words," she said. She then asked little Alex what he had done.
"I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"
Alex thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the S H I T

 

[worbod]

The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

 

[STFU Donnie]

Jesus walks into an inn and places three nails on the counter:

"Put us up for the night, will you mate?"

 

[worbod]

My friend said to me the other day, "You have a BA, a Masters and a PhD, but you still behave like an idiot."

It was a third degree burn.

 

[Hard Ball Get]

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt quacks.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt quacks.

Oh no that's a killer.

Best one for a while.

 

[worbod]

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink. No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the cinema.

 

[worbod]

There are three men on a boat, and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

 

[GreyCrow]

Crows skipper Tex Walker is going into the cigarette business.

They will be Taylor Made

 

[Procrastinator35]

There are three men on a boat, and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

That was so corny it was good.

 

[worbod]

What's more amazing than a talking dog?

A spelling bee.

 

[worbod]

I thought I had broken my sewing machine. But it seams fine now.

 

[Procrastinator35]

What's more amazing than a talking dog?

A spelling bee.

A Donkey voting.
A Kangaroo Courting.

 

[worbod]

A Donkey voting.
A Kangaroo Courting.

...two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

 

[Procrastinator35]

I thought I had broken my sewing machine. But it seams fine now.

Sounds like a stitch-up.

 

[GreyCrow]

These puns are sew sew

 

[Procrastinator35]

We've lost the thread now.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I feel sorry for you guys.

You needle the help you can get.

 

[GreyCrow]

Darn it

 

[Procrastinator35]

We need to patch things over.

 

[worbod]

What two things can you never eat for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.

 

[Generalissimo]

I went to the bookshop and asked for a book about turtles.

"Hardback?" the assistant asked.

"Yes, also green skin and little flippers."

 

[worbod]

Scientists have been able to grow human vocal cords in a petri dish. The results speak for themselves.