Lame Jokes Part 2

Generalissimo

His Excellency
Jul 14, 2002
6,585
7,846
Somewhere
AFL Club
Geelong
Other Teams
The Mighty Cats
My great-great-great-uncle Friedrich is 130 years old and, though still active and alert, is starting to go slightly blind and deaf, and is having memory trouble.

A while ago I was watching the telly and he asks me, "WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?"

"The soccer world cup, uncle Friedrich."

"WHO'S PLAYING?"

"Austria/Hungary."

"AGAINST WHO?"
 

STFU Donnie

Norm Smith Medallist
Jul 31, 2012
5,417
8,493
AFL Club
Hawthorn
Other Teams
Everton, Chiefs Kingdom
There are three men on a boat, and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

I remember seeing Robin tell that on the '60s Batman show.
 

STFU Donnie

Norm Smith Medallist
Jul 31, 2012
5,417
8,493
AFL Club
Hawthorn
Other Teams
Everton, Chiefs Kingdom
W.C. Fields on golf: "I always keep a bottle handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy."
 

wal

Premiership Player
Mar 13, 2004
3,396
3,498
6160
AFL Club
Fremantle
Other Teams
EFFC
W.C. Fields: It was a woman that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
 

Generalissimo

His Excellency
Jul 14, 2002
6,585
7,846
Somewhere
AFL Club
Geelong
Other Teams
The Mighty Cats
Moses descended from the mountain and addressed the crowd gathered below,

"Listen up everyone, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, I managed to talk him down to ten. The bad news is, he's not budging on adultery."
 

worbod

Norm Smith Medallist
Oct 26, 2008
5,886
7,507
Bendigo
AFL Club
Western Bulldogs
Other Teams
Liverpool
Our new librarian is very polite and I think she's Italian. When I took a book back that was weeks overdue, rather than charging me she said, "That's-a-fine."
 
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