Lame Jokes Part 2

Feb 24, 2013
45,365
37,740
The GoldenBrown Heart of Victoria
AFL Club
Hawthorn
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Man Utd Green Bay Melb Storm
Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, “It could have been worse.” To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.
On the golf course one day, one of them said, “Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!”

“That's awful,” said Frank, “But it could have been worse.”

“How in the hell,” asked his bewildered friend, “Could it have been worse?”

“Well,” replied Frank, “If it happened the night before, I'd be dead right now!”
 
Feb 24, 2013
45,365
37,740
The GoldenBrown Heart of Victoria
AFL Club
Hawthorn
Other Teams
Man Utd Green Bay Melb Storm
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
The boy now has company. Boy: “Dark in here.” Man: “Yes it is.” Boy: “I have a baseball.” Man: “That’s nice.” Boy: “Want to buy it?” Man: “No, thanks.” Boy: “My dad’s outside.” Man: “OK, how much?” Boy: “£250.”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lover are in the closet together.
Boy: “Dark in here.” Man: “Yes, it is.” Boy: “I have a baseball glove.” Man: “That’s nice.” Boy: “Want to buy it?” Man: “No, thanks.” Boy: “I’ll tell.” Man: “How much?” Boy: “£750.” Man: “Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball!” The boy says, “I can’t. I sold them.” The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?” The son says, “£1,000.” The father says, “That’s terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.” The priest says, “Don’t start that sh*t again.”
 

STFU Donnie

Norm Smith Medallist
Jul 31, 2012
5,417
8,493
AFL Club
Hawthorn
Other Teams
Everton, Chiefs Kingdom
Little Johnny has been a bit foul-mouthed lately and his mother is sick of it. So she decides the next time he swears she'll teach him a lesson. So, at breakfast she asks him: "what would you like today?"
He replies: "I think I'll have some bloody corn flakes."
Well, that did it. Mum started slapping him around the kitchen for a full minute. She then said: "I'll ask you again, what would you like today?"
His response: "Well, I don't want f--king corn flakes, that's for sure!"
 

STFU Donnie

Norm Smith Medallist
Jul 31, 2012
5,417
8,493
AFL Club
Hawthorn
Other Teams
Everton, Chiefs Kingdom
Doctor: This really is a puzzling case. I'd like to do a battery of tests. I'll need samples of blood, urine, semen and faeces.

Patient: No worries. I'll just leave my underpants.
 
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