Lame Jokes Part 2

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During a recent password audit at our company, it was found that a blonde receptionist was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyMelbourne
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital
 
Deliverance said:
During a recent password audit at our company, it was found that a blonde receptionist was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyMelbourne
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital
Click to expand...
Heard a similar one:

IT said my password MUST be 8 characters.
So I made it SnowWhiteandTheSevenDwarfs
 

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The other day I noticed my neighbour having a pizza delivered for tea. The following evening I decided to do the same. The next day, I noticed my neighbour on the other side having a pizza delivered. The day after that, the neighbour two doors down had a pizza delivered. It was the Domino's effect.
 
A guy walks into a bar and orders three whiskys.
The barman asks, "Would you like them all in one glass?"
The man says, "No thanks. You see, I have two brothers who live out of town, and each time I go out drinking, I have one shot each for the both of them."
This habit continues for a few weeks, until one evening the man comes in and orders two whiskys.
The barman asks, "Did something happen to one of your brothers?"
The man says, "No, I've decided to quit drinking."
 
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
 
John had been in Police work for 25 years.

Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the hills in Tasmania as far from humanity as possible.
He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet..

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

'Name's Cliff, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...'

'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks Thank you.'

As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'.'

'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'.

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops.
'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.'

'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! ..
I'll be there. Thanks again.'

'More'n likely be some wild se x, too,'

'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.. By the way, what should I wear?'

'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.
 

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A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak.

He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged...shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

'Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.'
'What's the bad news?' asked the hunter.
'The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister.'
'Well I guess that isn't too bad,' the hunter replied. 'Is your sister a plastic surgeon?'
'Not exactly.' answered the doctor. 'She's a flute player in the Sydney Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.’
 
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a beer.

After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do....Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.

Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"

"Nothing, but you left your injun runnin!"
 
This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent.
As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because, as I said, it doesn’t smell and it’s silent..."

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly."

"Good", the doctor said, "now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing."
 
I tried to write a joke about Viagra, but it just felt too stiff and I was up for hours.
 
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