Lame Jokes Part 2

[Andrewy]

Why do cemeteries have fences around them?



Because people are dieing to get in.

 

[Deliverance]

I love how they always put the cemetery in the dead centre of a town.

 

[GreyCrow]

Have you seen the new Doctor Who joke book?



Funnier on the inside

 

[worbod]

I love how they always put the cemetery in the dead centre of a town.

And isn't it odd when you read the obituaries how everyone dies in alphabetical order?

 

[Andrewy]

I started walking around with no shoes at the start of lockdown.


It has sort of become a hobbit.

 

[emuboy]

A shark and a crocodile are eating a clown, and the shark turns to the crocodile and says, 'This tastes funny.'

 

[Andrewy]

The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

 

[Andrewy]

There are three types of people in the world:


Those who can count and those who can’t.

 

[Andrewy]

It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad.


It’s a faux pa.

 

[Andrewy]

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.

 

[Andrewy]

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.

 

[Andrewy]

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.


I’ll let you know

 

[Xtreme]

When short people wave at you it’s called a microwave

 

[Andrewy]

What do you call a Woodpecker without a beak?


A Headbanger.

 

[Andrewy]

I buy my guns from a bloke called T Rex.


He's a small arms dealer.

 

[Wallaby]

I get terrible pins and needles in my legs.

I tried acupuncture, but for some reason that only made it worse.

 

[emuboy]

When the numbers held a party, why were 1, 4, 9, 16, 25, 36, 49, 64, 81, 100, 121 & 144 not invited?

Because they're square.

 

[Wallaby]

Friends of mine decided to have a combined Chinese New Year and Burns Night Party. They called it Chinese Burns Night.

i didn’t want to go but they twisted my arm.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Friends of mine decided to have a combined Chinese New Year and Burns Night Party. They called it Chinese Burns Night.

i didn’t want to go but they twisted my arm.

Yoinking this one.

Best thing I've read today.

 

[Andrewy]

Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the Victorian border?


Me neither, I couldn't follow it.

 

[Andrewy]

What did the drummer name his twin daughters?


Anna 1, Anna 2!

 

[Andrewy]

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type.



He kept insisting we “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

 

[worbod]

I just found out I’m colour-blind. The news came out of the purple.

 

[worbod]

What do you call a beehive with no exit?

Unbelievable.

 

[STFU Donnie]

When the numbers held a party, why were 1, 4, 9, 16, 25, 36, 49, 64, 81, 100, 121 & 144 not invited?

Because they're square.

288 was also excluded for being too gross.