- Apr 1, 2011
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Justice is best served cold.
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
Lame Jokes Part 2
- Thread starter Hard Ball Get
- Start date
- Tagged users None
- Apr 1, 2011
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Ebay is just so useless.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
- Apr 16, 2016
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- Western Bulldogs
He was a Greek parachutist.
- Apr 1, 2011
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- Apr 1, 2011
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Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
If they fell forward, they’d still be on the boat.
If they fell forward, they’d still be on the boat.
- Apr 1, 2011
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How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents.
He felt his presents.
- Mar 19, 2020
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- West Coast
Why did the incredibly handsome man with chiselled abs, boyish good looks who all the girls want to sleep with and all the men want to be cross the road?
Because I was hungry
Because I was hungry
- Apr 1, 2011
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I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control.
I thought to myself 'well this changes everything'.
I thought to myself 'well this changes everything'.
- Apr 1, 2011
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I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and says, “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and says, “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
- Apr 1, 2011
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Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea.
Does that means the 5th one likes it?
Does that means the 5th one likes it?
- Apr 1, 2011
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My girlfriend accused me of cheating.
I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy.
Also, 1 out of 5 people in the world is Chinese. So in my family it's either me, my Mum, my Dad, my brother Colin, or my other brother Zhuang Pei.
I think it's Colin.
- Apr 1, 2011
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Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom just walks away laughing)
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom just walks away laughing)
- Apr 1, 2011
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A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner. He asks his son, "Son, where were you today during school hours?"
"At school." The robot slaps the son. "Okay, I went to the movies!" The father asks, "Which one?" "Harry Potter." The robot slaps the son again. "Okay, I was watching pr0n!" The father replies, "What? When I was your age I didn't even know what pr0n was!" The robot slaps the father. The mum chimes in, "Haha! After all, he is your son!" The robot slaps the mother.
"At school." The robot slaps the son. "Okay, I went to the movies!" The father asks, "Which one?" "Harry Potter." The robot slaps the son again. "Okay, I was watching pr0n!" The father replies, "What? When I was your age I didn't even know what pr0n was!" The robot slaps the father. The mum chimes in, "Haha! After all, he is your son!" The robot slaps the mother.
- Apr 1, 2011
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I'm on a whiskey diet.
I've lost three days already.
I've lost three days already.
- Apr 1, 2011
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I went to the doctor the other day and said: "Have you got anything for wind?"
So he gave me a kite.
So he gave me a kite.
I love the smell of chlorof
- Apr 1, 2011
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Ninety nine out of every 100 people have fallen over drunk at some time...
What a staggering statistic.
What a staggering statistic.
- Apr 1, 2011
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I was looking at a job description the other day that I thought was right up my street, till I read that they’re after people who can work across multiple teams and are flexible.
Well, that’s me out, I can’t do handstands!
Well, that’s me out, I can’t do handstands!
- Apr 1, 2011
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I'll do algebra, statistics, and even trigonometry.
But graphing is where I draw the line.
But graphing is where I draw the line.
- Apr 1, 2011
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I just tried some Wookie meat for the first time.
It was Chewy.
It was Chewy.
- Apr 1, 2011
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I joined our neighbourhood watch program last night...
There’s 30 of us though so I only get to wear it 1 day a month.
There’s 30 of us though so I only get to wear it 1 day a month.
- Apr 1, 2011
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A parrot flies into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the parrot a drink.
The parrot complains: "Hey! You forgot the little umbrella!"
The bartender puts the little umbrella into the drink and the parrot is satisfied.
The parrot drinks a couple more drinks and then leaves.
After the parrot has left, a man sitting next to it says to the bartender: "Huh, I've never seen anything like that before!"
The bartender replies: "So! Anyone can forget the little umbrella sometimes!
The parrot complains: "Hey! You forgot the little umbrella!"
The bartender puts the little umbrella into the drink and the parrot is satisfied.
The parrot drinks a couple more drinks and then leaves.
After the parrot has left, a man sitting next to it says to the bartender: "Huh, I've never seen anything like that before!"
The bartender replies: "So! Anyone can forget the little umbrella sometimes!
