Lame Jokes Part 2

[Pistol Night]

Whats E.T short for?

Hes got small legs

 

[Wallaby]

Doctor : 'You have a very rare disease'.
Me : 'How rare?'
Doctor : 'You get to name it'.

 

[philreich]

Australians are really good at playing tennis, as evidenced by the fact that we're good at returning a Serb.......

 

[Paul66]

The English Cricket Board have appointed Novak Djokevic as their new batting coach.
Based purely on how long it took us to get him out.

On SM-G781B using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[philreich]

My vacuum cleaner was broken, until I put a sign on it which read, "English batting." Now it really sucks.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What do you get when you help thermoregulate a Sheep?

A coolabah.

 

[Wallaby]

I jus watched a naked woman do stand up comedy.
I've never laughed so hard.

I saw a man get run over by a bus. When the ambulance arrived, I said 'This man needs Vitamin D and essential oils!'.
The paramedic said 'He's dead. That's not going to help'.
I said 'Well, it couldn't hurt'.

 

[Mofra]

What do you call a footballer who's become a car?

Brendan Fevolvo.

Luke Toia-yota

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Confucius say.

Man who sit under Cow is shithead.

 

[Xtreme]

I don’t want to brag but when I get naked in the shower, the water gets turned on.

 

[I Remember Bluey]

Lebanese guy visits the "Shady Lady" establishment on St Kilda Road, where he is met by hostess Juicy Lucy.

Juicy Lucy hands him a menu and he selects a No:7 and asks Juicy Lucy if they could do it the Leb way.

Not familiar with the Leb way but always willing to learn, Juicy Lucy asks him to explain.

Pay you tomorrow is the reply.

 

[Xtreme]

If baby cats had a job and they left they would be called quittens

 

[worbod]

What did Tom Cruise say when he walked in to The Louvre?

"SHOW ME THE MONET!"

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Doing research on dwarves, it surprised me how little I knew about them.

 

[Quadzilla]

Doing research on dwarves, it surprised me how little I knew about them.

I'll dig up sone info, shortly

 

[worbod]

I was thinking of a career-change and becoming a tailor, but I realised I would have my work cut out for me.

 

[GreyCrow]

I was thinking of a career-change and becoming a tailor, but I realised I would have my work cut out for me.

Shear madness

 

[Wallaby]

It's a sew-sew career.

 

[GreyCrow]

It's a sew-sew career.

Might need to start a new thread

 

[worbod]

When giving blood, make sure the person recording your details doesn't make a type-O.

 

[worbod]

Why did the monk refuse Novocaine when he had his tooth pulled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

 

[Gavin Excell]

Lifting needed
These are dreadful

 

[GreyCrow]

Lifting needed
These are dreadful

Just weight

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Why did the car racer invite his mate for a smoke?

He wanted them to go for a drag.

 

[Wallaby]

My wife and I decided not to have children.

The kids are taking it very hard.