Lame Jokes Part 2

[Deliverance]

I was robbed at the petrol station today. Went to the cops and they asked me who did it?
I said pump number 4

 

[Quadzilla]

I was robbed at the petrol station today. Went to the cops and they asked me who did it?
I said pump number 4

I chkd a car price value online today

It asked if the tank was full

 

[Xtreme]

If you Blink 182 times in the mirror someone will leave you roses by the stairs. Surprises let you know they care.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What do you call a skinny kids quartet?

The Twiggles.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What do you call an African person using a false name?

Sudonymous.

 

[Quadzilla]

I was robbed at the petrol station today. Went to the cops and they asked me who did it?
I said pump number 4

I saw a guy at pump 3 put $10 in

Where was he going ... Pump 4?

 

[Mofra]

What do you call an African person using a false name?

Sudonymous.

Chad?

 

[worbod]

SPOILER ALERT: I have had a device to modify air flow in order to increase fuel efficiency attached to the back of my car.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I could’ve sworn the guy I knew was white.

He was actually black.

Must’ve been a pigment of my imagination.

 

[raskolnikov]

How can you tell that Will Smith actually connected when he hit Chris Rock?

You can see the fresh prints on his face.

 

[philreich]

What do you call an African person using a false name?

Sudonymous.

Customs have just intercepted 50 litres of petrol, which was being smuggled in from Thailand. The bottles of fuel were hidden inside a shipment of cocaine.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I went to look for some non white bread but there was Naan available.

 

[emuboy]

What's the difference between Johnny Depp's bed and a toilet?

Not a lot.

 

[Xtreme]

What if your name was Phil and you got texts like how you Phillin?

 

[Eagle Wrath]

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.

 

[Quadzilla]

Scientists have just completed a study into the effects of alcohol on walking. The result was staggering.

 

[Quadzilla]

Think I saw Michael J Fox earlier today in my local garden centre. Can’t be certain though, as he had his back to the fuchsias.

 

[Quadzilla]

When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode.

I asked “Are you two an item?”

 

[Quadzilla]

My wife was scammed by a woman named Anna. She got her to invest in an Indian snake farm

Anna conned her

 

[Mesc]

Why did the bakers fingers smell ?


Cause he kneaded a poo .

 

[Xtreme]

Dave Grohl: I'VE GOT ANOTHER CONFESSION TO MAKE
Priest: you don't have to say that every time

 

[Lyttelton Ranger]

2 caterpillars were strolling along a path. They look up and see a butterfly. One of the caterpillars turns to his friend and says "you'll never get me up in one of those"

 

[Lyttelton Ranger]

2 cows were grazing in a field. One cow says to the other "I will never get mad cow disease". "Why's that?" "Because I'm a helicopter"

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Do people who work in call centres get hung up over the smallest of issues?

 

[RedmanWasHere]

When you give someone bugger all chook, you're giving that person a poultry amount.