Depression

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The greatest gift we can give ourselves is to learn to think the thoughts we want to think. The mind is a dragon you must learn to tame and ride into the sunset. He will constantly try and tell you you are the weak and he is the master, but this is an illusion you must overcome. He serves you.

Stay a little longer GG.exe You will always have a seat at this table.
 

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Good post GG, well written and I do agree, or relate, to most of what you said.

A few points I'd like to say in response, particularly from someone who has suffered from anxiety and depression for the past 5 years and has discussed these topics with my psychologist within that time.

You're right that most of society do not want to discuss your feelings, your problems. The adage "You need to go talk to someone" frustrates me, because I'm willing to talk and share, it's now about finding someone to listen.

But there will be someone. I feel like, this year, I've played that role in a fair few people's lives this year. In the meantime, for myself, I vent to my psychologist, or I vent on here (as you have done).

The good thing about me, is that the way I deal with my depression and anxiety is through talking about it. I've recently tried to help a friend through a depressive episode of hers, and she explained to me that all she wants to do is be left alone, not talk about it, and pretend everything is alright.

And, although she is fine now, it troubles me because I can see that in the future it will come out in a way of a mental breakdown. So, GG, I'm not surprised that all of this let itself out in overwhelming and overbearing feelings. I think it is a positive that it has led you to talking to that bloke and posting on here.

Also, you're right when you say we can control our thoughts. It's called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It works under the assumption that there is an interrelationship between our thoughts, feelings, behaviour and biology. Why do we do this action? Because I feel this way. Why do you feel this way? Because I think this way. Does what you think make logical sense? No it does not. What is a better way to think? Because changing your initial thought to a better way of conscious thinking, will change the way your subconscious thinks and deals with things, leading to a change in feelings and behaviour.
 
Interesting and can relate. I'm going to copy past bold the things you said that I relate and feel too.

I've had a wretched life

this very year, I've been spiraling further into depression and thoughts of suicide.


I've always just internalized it, engaged in that self-discourse, always finding things to say to tell myself to keep my hopes and spirits up during dark times

in recent times, I've been unable to help myself. I can't bullshit myself anymore.

You can only bullshit yourself, and engage in dreams and hopes

re-evaluate dreams and hopes

it gets to a point (where it has with me) where you see NO HOPE anymore.

reaching a point where you have a great deep general unhappiness with life and yourself that clings to you like a demonic presence


Up and down like a yo-yo


don't see their kids, lost their kids, poor health or recent humbling ailments

hey look at their age (30-50) and think they're so fcked compared to where they SHOULD be, where others their age are, they're embarrassed with themselves, life sucks. This is essentially the thing.


It's been an awful year, just awful! I don't think I'd commit suicide, but the thought of just wanting to be dead, not minding or worrying about it, thinking it may be for the best, to just not wake up, sometimes hoping to not wake up.

I have this really bad circle i go in with my life. My thoughts, intentions and plans in my head never go into action, or at least always go into action but take a turn to repeat the complete opposite of my intentions and the harder i try the worse off the track it goes. This has been repeating for all my adult life.

Anyway, i'm at the point where i'm just going to disconnect. Talking to friends has not helped. Talking to professionals and family does not help. Just complete disconnection, no talking. Just want to be left alone, it's like I'm thinking 12 months of being left alone could be the best thing. The main part is not to talk, because it seems every time you seek help and talk, the worse the cycle becomes!

It's really hard to explain, to put into words. It's like a curse!
 
GG.exe said:
I am sorry friend, for your pains too. The unbolded stuff above from would also be bolded stuff for me.....in terms of wanting disconnection, wanting to just not wake up, willing your subconscious mind to die when you go to sleep so you don't have to wake up. And the more you talk about it, even the internal discourse within yourself is still talking about it, makes it worse......i guess what that guy told me is right.....it's always there, just don't pay it so much mind. Therefore, TRY...find something that works for us, be it distractions, nightly routines of nice smelling/feeling sensations, focusing on a hobby/interest, investing thought into a TV show, keeping yourself busy with work related tasks, etc. Even just to allow our mind to REST from all the negative self-geared thinking, rest from the depressive thoughts that are always there hungry to be petted and fed. Pet and feed other thoughts and topics in our mind, even just to allow it to rest.

Like....the world, all the news and wars/stories going on, one can invest a lot of time thinking about it all and it makes you depressed about life and the world. So, either drive yourself crazy and how you cannot change any of it. Or, ignorance is bliss. Focusing instead on tv shows that make you laugh or are silly. Turning the channel, disconnecting and unplugging from the News cycle.
Click to expand...

I guess happy people don't understand that distractions eventually become another unworthy time wasting negative, when you try all your life and there is nothing left to do without getting yourself into a deeper hole, everything sucks! I'm going to the disconnection way because you're only human, you can only try so much before it kills you, your soul etc...the way people treat you, the results you get when you try. Routines become miserable, and it's miserable to be broken of a routine. TV just sucks, even disconnected foxtel a couple months ago. Snake oil salesman can sell the TRY, TRY AGAIN thing but they will never know the realities of the other person, no matter what you tell them because they aren't in your shoes.
 
Oh yeah, that's another thing I wanted to say but forgot.

Don't get me wrong, distraction is fine, and I still do it now to get through the day of my problems, thoughts and feelings so I can sleep and feel better the next day...

... but distracting ourselves is essentially avoiding it. We're not dealing with the actual problem, we're just delaying the inevitable pain it will bring us in the future when we no longer can avoid or distract ourselves from it no longer.

Dont get me wrong, there are definitely times when distraction is necessary, but it is not the answer.
 
GG.exe said:
Thanks for all the responses so far. Yes, especially yours too The Lemon
CBT is not only tricky to do, but is also a trick.

That's kind of my problem, the seen thing that cannot be unseen, and that it's always there, and that "you don't have to pay it so much mind" every minute of every day....driving yourself crazy or into a rage. That's what I struggle with....letting go of a thought, or thoughts, especially anything that is Truth. I've always been a bloodhound for truth...discarding like smelly trash anything that isn't true, that is petty. So now....years later....when the s**t hits the fan in regards to life....and truth is all around and inside you.....and truth is always only negative geared, exposing the falsehoods....then my mind is overwhelmed by negatives (truths), drowning in them, having stripped my mind bare of any delusional safeguards, discarded the usefulness of distractions. I did this to myself.
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You're right that we can not unsee or control what we have experienced externally.

But we can control how we react to things, how we perceive things.

It's hard to say without knowing the details, but there have been many times when, I too, thought it was the "truth" and nothing would change that, upon then realising that I may have been looking at it wrong.

Or, maybe it is true. For example, yes this person does dislike me. She finds me annoying, unworthy, boring, ugly etc. Whatever. It's hurtful. I cannot control how she views me. But I can control how little I care, and I can instead focus on the people that do like me. Because that is also true.
 
What if there is nothing to get on with

Any recipes for a home brew to go to sleep and have a pain free death in bed?
 

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I used to have tears in my eyes, even cry when i thought about ending it. Then i noticed i didnt cry, i didnt tear up and that was when i was at my lowest. And i came very close to doing it.

Now i am back to tears and crying when the thought crosses my mind.

So i think i have got passed my low point. I think im here until im taken away however that happens. But i wont take it away thru my own doing.

Every day is a challenge. Its not easy. But im trying to find happiness somehow somewhere.

Im 41. I read that samuel l jackson hadnt been in a movie until he was about my age. Not sure if true. But if it is i guess it shows that the first 41 years dont matter. I have a lot of living still to do.
 
tigertigertiger said:
Any recipes for a home brew to go to sleep and have a pain free death in bed?
Click to expand...

Emotional pain is driven by carbon. When you die, that piece of energy in you , doesn't die, it manifests into another energy source. Your best chance of settling that energy is chakra alignment.
 
The human brain is both our greatest asset and greatest enemy.

GG, keep your head up dude. I know it's a base and incredibly non-analytical response to a very deep and thought provoking tome. Sometimes we just have to detach ourselves from the idea that there's a greater purpose behind it all, I reckon.
 
Doss said:
The human brain is both our greatest asset and greatest enemy.

GG, keep your head up dude. I know it's a base and incredibly non-analytical response to a very deep and thought provoking tome. Sometimes we just have to detach ourselves from the idea that there's a greater purpose behind it all, I reckon.
Click to expand...

Thought the attachment to a great purpose would be more of a saviour than it would be to detach?
 
tigertigertiger said:
Thought the attachment to a great purpose would be more of a saviour than it would be to detach?
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What I mean is, the search for that greater purpose can drive one crazy if you focus on it too much, I think. Especially if you can't find an answer that makes sense or sates you.
 
I think it depends what you mean by greater purpose.

I don't think there is some greater being that predetermines what we do, but I do think we have some semblance of control of what we want to do in our lives.

For me, I find relief in knowing the goals and achievements I want out of my life. My plan, may not end up being my plan in 1 year or even 1 month, but I find satisfaction in knowing what I'm doing everyday will lead to something that I actually want for myself.

And I would define that as a "greater purpose"
 
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