Light Relief: The Monthly's hilarious categories of AFL players' names

[SBD Gonzalez]

http://www.themonthly.com.au/issue/2014/june/1401544800/peter-cronin/names-game

From The Monthly a couple of issues back. This is the second year they've done it. Love it! Hopefully it will become an annual occurrence.

 

[Rusty Brookes]

Most likely to be used by Aldi in terms of trying to make their rot-gut wine sound up-market:

Bradley Hill.

 

[JohnnyFontane90]

how is there an AFL player name article without mentioning steele sidebottom?

 

[SBD Gonzalez]

how is there an AFL player name article without mentioning steele sidebottom?

He made last year's list, which I just found elsewhere on BF:

AFL footballers’ names in 2013 suitable for jockeys and unsuccessful petty criminals
Jimmy Bartel, Billie Smedts (first prize), Jack Viney, Lenny Hayes, Eddie Betts, Sam Siggins


Names suitable for an aide-de-camp, equerry, viceroy or other diplomatic posting
Henry Slattery, Will Hoskin-Elliott, James Polkinghorne, George Horlin-Smith (first prize), Piers Flanagan, Pearce Hanley, Tyrone Vickery, Angus Monfries

Names suitable for bushrangers, barristers and flawed crime fiction heroes
Jack Watts, Jack Grimes, Jack Redden, Jack Crisp, Jack Frost, Jack Darling

First names arguing the case for an official sixth vowel
Ayce, Danyle, Arryn, Dayne, Jarryn, Blayne, Jayden, Ayden, Cadeyn, Kyal, Claye, Tayte, Kamdyn (first prize)

A first name used by ten AFL players in five different ways
Jared, Jarryd, Jarrad, Jarred, Jarrod

First names suitable for brands of power tools
Brock, Koby (first prize), Devon, Cruize, Maverick, Jaxon, Tanner, Jaeger, Brant

Prenom du jour: Mason
Mason Shaw, Mason Wood

Ten first names not included on any AFL list
Keith, Barry, Neil, Noel, Bruce, Gordon, Maurie, Merv, Ron, Rex

Names in which gender identification seems not to be a priority
Clancee Pearce, Courtenay Dempsey, Marley Williams (first prize), Llane Spaanderman, Ariel Steinberg, Taylor Garner

Names involving a cultural dissonance between first name and surname
Warwick Andreoli, Brendon Ah Chee (first prize), Cory Dell’Olio, Nathan van Berlo

Surnames containing a subtle erotic nuance
Longer, Helbig, Toy, Swallow, Lower (first prize)

Surnames containing a less subtle erotic nuance
Johncock, Cunnington, Ball

Names with thrilling tonal, alliterative or rhythmic qualities
Patrick Dangerfield, Marco Paparone, Thomas Bellchambers, Richard Tambling, Hayden Ballantyne, Peter Bormolini, James Podsiadly, Paul Puopolo

Names suitable for an outer-suburban wedding venue
Beau Waters, Oliver Wines

Names that can leave one curiously unsettled
Garrick Ibbotson, Travis Boak, Dayne Zorko, Kirk Ugle (first prize), Steele Sidebottom, Tomas Bugg, Jed Adcock, Alipate Carlile, Kristian Jaksch



But no Tyson Goldsack, or Levi Casboult, two years running!

 

[JohnnyFontane90]

there's a current nfl player called: Haha clinton dix

and what would a name thread be without mentioning ron artest or metta world peace...or the panda's friend.

 

[BlakeyNoFlakey]

funny, thanks for posting