1. Max Rooke’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Max Rooke does not sleep. He waits.
3. Max Rooke is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Max Rooke is pain.
5. Max Rooke defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Max Rooke loves you.
6. Max Rooke isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Max Rooke.
7. If you can see Max Rooke, he can see you. If you can’t see Max Rooke you may be only seconds away from death.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Max Rooke instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Max Rooke.
10. Max Rooke can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Max Rooke allows to live.
12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Max Rooke, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. Max Rooke invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Max Rooke could use to kill you, including the room itself.
15. Max Rooke is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Max Rooke is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
17. When Max Rooke goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
18. Max Rooke has two speeds: walk and kill.
19.When Max Rooke jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Max Rooke instead.
20. Max Rooke can divide by zero.
21. Max Rooke can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. When Max Rooke runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
2. Max Rooke does not sleep. He waits.
3. Max Rooke is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Max Rooke is pain.
5. Max Rooke defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Max Rooke loves you.
6. Max Rooke isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Max Rooke.
7. If you can see Max Rooke, he can see you. If you can’t see Max Rooke you may be only seconds away from death.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Max Rooke instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Max Rooke.
10. Max Rooke can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Max Rooke allows to live.
12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Max Rooke, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. Max Rooke invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Max Rooke could use to kill you, including the room itself.
15. Max Rooke is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Max Rooke is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
17. When Max Rooke goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
18. Max Rooke has two speeds: walk and kill.
19.When Max Rooke jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Max Rooke instead.
20. Max Rooke can divide by zero.
21. Max Rooke can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. When Max Rooke runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
