Melbourne Cup - Political Form Guide

crocodileman

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Well, tomorrow's big race does indeed stop the nation - but have you ever considered how the form would stack up if we were running the Parliamentary Handicap over 2400 metres at Canberra tomorrow.

Here's how some of the contenders stack up:-

1. John Howard
(Lying Rodent - Kirribili Kate)
78 starts 4 - 1 - 0 $ 2 135 000


Comment:
Aged gelding who has struck purple patch of form lately, winning last 4 starts. Survived protest last start despite appearing to cut the corner of straight and severly interfering with 'Truth in politics.' Has questionable barrier manners but his trainer believes that he has a 'win at all costs' attitude. Wily old veteran who continues to race well despite pundits predictions of retirement and may indeed race until he drops.

2. Mark Latham
(Man Boobs - Taxi Tussle)
13 starts 8 - 3 - 1 $ 560 000

Comment:


Fiery colt who had not missed a place before last start disappointment. Subsequent stewards inquiry into his poor performance has found extra weight was incorrectly added to his saddlebag making it virtually impossible for him to win. Has been in difficulty with stewards on previous occasions due to his aggressive manner, resulting in some rival trainers calling him a 'thug.' Will bounce back to form. Watch.

3. Amanda Vanstone
(Unregistered Sire - Obesity Reigns)
62 starts 12 - 11 - 7 $495 000

Comment:


Unlikely looking mare who keeps plodding along in restricted races. Last start caused a boilover when she won despite stopping mid race to eat daisies on the course proper. Not expected to feature but sure to empty out her food bin tomorrow regardless of performance.

4. Tony Abbott
(Heavenly Saint - Confessional Confusion)
45 starts 4 - 20 - 8 $456 000

Comment:


Perennial runner up who doesn't appear to possess the skills to win this. Had a training mishap several weeks ago and was operated on at the Murwillumbah Veterinary Hospital for kidney stones. He has appeared to have recovered well, although his constant whining in the paddock has caused concern with backers. A career at stud beckons if he is successful in this race, however his trainer is opposed on moralistic grounds to this practice. Sure to attract the church bingo hall ladies money.

5. John Anderson
(Farmers Friend - Telstra Takeover)
40 starts 30 - 3 - 4 $68 022

Comment:


Country galloper with exceptional winning strike rate at picnic meetings. Last start won on dirt track at Coonabarabran against lowly opposition. Has suffered hoof in mouth disease but appears to have beaten this illness. From a once leading stable who now has only a few runners left. Not likely!

6. Peter Costello
(Wry Grin - Deputy Deborah)
56 starts 0 - 53 - 0 $126 000

Comment:

Another performer who seems to thrive on running second. Impeccible breeding and form lines, however seems destined to be always the bridesmaid. His trainer claims that this runner has paid his way throughout his career, but punters who have lost money on him would surely disagree. Needs a touch of mongrel in him to win this race.

7. Simon Crean
(Union Shopper- Boredom Belle)
66 starts 1 - 12 - 5

Comment:


Disappointing gelding, not doing enough to threaten in this. After suffering a viral infection 12 months ago contracted from his own stable, he has never been the same and appears to be going through the motions on the racetrack. Recently saved from demotion to the show circuit by a generous benefactor who enjoys watching his old world racing action and style. Needs a rocket under him to threaten in this!

8. Larry Anthony
(Daddy's Boy - Irrelevancy)

Late Scratching!


9. Peter Garrett
Bald Rocker - Yellowcake Dancer)
1 start 1 - 0 - 0 $50 000


Comment:

Unbeaten winning his first start as a 7 year old stallion. Sure to attract plenty of betting interest from his legion of fans after winning his maiden in record time. Question mark over the 2400 metres, but will need to remain calm and relaxed. Unlikely looking gelding, nicknamed 'bald eagle' by his stable. A chance if he shows up to the correct racetrack.
 

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#4
crocodileman said:

9. Peter Garrett
Bald Rocker - Yellowcake Dancer)
1 start 1 - 0 - 0 $50 000


Comment:

Unbeaten winning his first start as a 7 year old stallion. Sure to attract plenty of betting interest from his legion of fans after winning his maiden in record time. Question mark over the 2400 metres, but will need to remain calm and relaxed. Unlikely looking gelding, nicknamed 'bald eagle' by his stable. A chance if he shows up to the correct racetrack.And has been prepared for the correct distance.
MR ANTI FARMER, you are un Australian. The journey is 2 mile less 61 feet.
 

crocodileman

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Notenoughteams - I spent a fair bit of time preparing this little critique and I don't appreciate you altering or adding to my quote in any way. By all means be critical, but dare I say you are not allowed on this site to alter anyone's words!
 

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crocodileman said:
Notenoughteams - I spent a fair bit of time preparing this little critique and I don't appreciate you altering or adding to my quote in any way. By all means be critical, but dare I say you are not allowed on this site to alter anyone's words!

The Melbourne Cup is run over 3200 metres, not 2400 metres. Did add or alter, pointed out an error that you have made Mr Anti Farmer. No worries.
 

crocodileman

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Leper said:
Croc man, you have far too much time on your hands.
You must be a teacher.
Why aren't you out doing something constructive like napalming farmland?
Thought the farmers did a good job of destroying land all by themselves - drive along the Murray River to see what salinity has done.

Teaching is fun - all of my classes are completing an anti-farming unit at the moment with the prctical assessment task to occur this Friday when we tar and feather a few of them and send them overseas in our live sheep export trade!!!
 
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