Discussion Mental Illness (Call Beyond Blue (1300 224 636), Lifeline (131 114))

Yawkey way

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I was bullied for most of my schooling. Im more or less was a railfan and got picked on and was a social outcast as a result.
As a result I had very few friends.
Schools were nothing short of useless of stopping it. Its the same old cycle. Report it it stops for a few weeks. Then it starts again. Report it and it stops. Rinse and repeat. You get to the point where you go why bother and stop reporting it.

Year 6 was a tough one. I had no friends. None.
I stayed down for year 5. My supposed friends bar one decided not to be friends any more after my parents decided to keep be back. Worse they acted like everyone else.
Year 6 was one lonely year. Not a single friend at all. I brought a radio in partway through it to get through lunch breaks.

High school very few friends. I met my best mate orientation day of high school. Funny hes a train driver now and he gets half the crap I used to talk about him about.

Still copped crap out being a railfan from everyone else though.

It only stopped when I decided to belt some fat kid who was much bigger than me.
The teachers who knew me well we rather proud of me. I was worried they were going to punish me for starting it

More than likely my whatever years of schooling have made me the un confident, anxious, shy, scocially awkward person I am. Probably half the reason Ive never had a girlfriend
Although being anxious has been around since prep. My grade prep teacher did say Id give myself stomach ulcers one day from all the worry.
That’s a really hard time you’ve had to to endure and unfortunately all too common.

My four kids are all through high school now so if you include their friends and the wider circle of kids I’ve met over the years you just wouldn’t believe how common it is. My eldest son has a friend who was bullied and beaten on a regular basis at a boys school, he was a nice quite kid who loved the trains and trams apart from that he only stood out because he wasn’t really interested in sport. His dad is a policeman a detective and he went up to the school breathing fire, it didn’t make one bit of difference. The young bloke left and went to the high school where he was fairly happy, he joined the armed forces and loves it. It’s a funny choice of career for a gentle quite guy, maybe it’s the routine he likes.

At any rate school is a place despite all the inclusive crap they recite for round peg kids that go into round peg classes and activities, if you’re different in any way except to stand out for being bright or a gun sportsman you’re in trouble imo. Life can be a bit like that too but you have a choice once out of school, you can join clubs or talk to other people who share you’re interests.

I’ve been to a few reunions over the decades and it really is like the Springsteen song glory days, we can all talk about how good we were but school doesn’t mean s**t now. More than a few school guns and princesses went on to do nothing and a surprising number of really quite unassuming people have lived really interesting knock me down with a feather lives.
 
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Yawkey way

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Family can be the worst. Stupid comments like "what have you got to be depressed about? You have a nice wife, house, car blah blah blah" all the while oblivious to the fact that they are part of the problem.

My life truly changed when I decided to stop giving a ****.

Let that sink in people.

Stop giving a **** about what others say or expect from you.

Only give a **** wit those that matter.
What you’ve managed to do is really very impressive.

It’s a difficult thing for a lot of people to learn to say no and to put their interests at least marginally ahead of others. It’s easy to say but difficult to actually emotionally own it, seems to be a fairly common thing that people can grasp things intellectually but not emotionally.

I like that quote from hamlet “ there’s nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so” .
 
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VDS66

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I also feel like I should share a experience of mine. Well I come from a strict family, dads bit of an alcoholic and mums not so educated, hence a lot of pressure was put on me to perform well, especially with how our education department works, with all the ATAR bs. I had a fair share of bullying, and a real feeling of loneliness throughout primary and secondary school. Never was really the popular kid, not the smartest either. It got to the point where everything hit me at the same time. The bullying increased from abusive to physical violence, pressure from my parents also went up a lot, the expectations put on by people on me was really impacting because I wasn't at my best in terms of academics. Everyone and everything felt useless in my life, I was only 15 and life felt like hell. First came anxiety, slowly I started getting suicidal thoughts, attempted it few times and then I slowly drained into depression for a long time.

How I overcame my problems, was pretty much looking for the smallest postivites inside this whole negative circle. First I realised, this life given to me is a fortunate, and that many kids at my age dont have the luxury such as schooling, education, a house even food. So I started realizing a lot more and here I am.

Mine may not be serious or as impactful what others experience. But what I would like to say is that parents really need to be considerate of the mental health of their kids especially in the current generation. Even a 12 Y/O has a iPhone filled social medias, behind each post they make, someone will talk s**t and that will only grow larger. Its high time, people start taking the negativity behind schooling serious because its life threatening.
A wise old head on a young body.

The pressure to succeed is put of control these days.

Families working longer hours to accumulate what they believe are symbols of their success and advancement.

Anyway, gratitude is massive IMO.

So is purpose in life and as previously posted, not giving a fu**. Have the courage to live life on your terms.
 

VDS66

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What you’ve managed to do is really very impressive.

It’s a difficult thing for a lot of people to learn to say no and to put their interests at lest marginally ahead of others. It’s easy to say but difficult to actually emotionally own it, seems to be a fairly common thing that people can grasp things intellectually but not emotionally.

I like that quote from hamlet “ there’s nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so” .
Cheers mate.

It's been a long journey of discovery.

Who was it that said "know thyself".

The catalyst for me was seeing more and more of my father in me. Then making a conscious decision to not end up like him.

So for starters you have to ask yourself what type of person do you want to become?

The rest of the illness manifested itself from a dysfunctional childhood.

Sitting on my room with the headphones on so I wouldn't hear my parents arguing etc.

Thing is that once I admitted to the problem, my past began to make sense and so much guilt, confusion and anger evaporated.

The funny thing is that my father in law is polar opposite. You cannot mention the E word and he loses his s**t. It's old village mentality where any type of mental illness is seen as shameful and an embarrassment.

He was put on meds but gave them.up because to use them would be to admit he has something wrong, even though he is bipolar lol.
 

sunny3193

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I was bullied for most of my schooling. Im more or less was a railfan and got picked on and was a social outcast as a result.
As a result I had very few friends.
Schools were nothing short of useless of stopping it. Its the same old cycle. Report it it stops for a few weeks. Then it starts again. Report it and it stops. Rinse and repeat. You get to the point where you go why bother and stop reporting it.

Year 6 was a tough one. I had no friends. None.
I stayed down for year 5. My supposed friends bar one decided not to be friends any more after my parents decided to keep be back. Worse they acted like everyone else.
Year 6 was one lonely year. Not a single friend at all. I brought a radio in partway through it to get through lunch breaks.

High school very few friends. I met my best mate orientation day of high school. Funny hes a train driver now and he gets half the crap I used to talk about him about.

Still copped crap out being a railfan from everyone else though.

It only stopped when I decided to belt some fat kid who was much bigger than me.
The teachers who knew me well we rather proud of me. I was worried they were going to punish me for starting it

More than likely my whatever years of schooling have made me the un confident, anxious, shy, scocially awkward person I am. Probably half the reason Ive never had a girlfriend
Although being anxious has been around since prep. My grade prep teacher did say Id give myself stomach ulcers one day from all the worry.
You are one hell of a wonderful person PS.
Tell me, can you remember when you hit the bully?
Did you think about it?
Or did you just see red and the punch happen by itself?
Because I know someone else that could have told your story. 👍
 

Pakenhamsaint

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You are one hell of a wonderful person PS.
Tell me, can you remember when you hit the bully?
Did you think about it?
Or did you just see red and the punch happen by itself?
Because I know someone else that could have told your story. 👍
I think it was more a snap decision. I can only assume I'd had enough of the crap. It was during a sport lesson on the asphalt basketball court and said person was making life difficult in that lesson, trying to hurt me and what not. Not the first time I'd had dealings with this person.
At the time I thought it was a dumb thing to do. I sure as hell didn't win and when I knew I wasn't I feigned the whole being KOed so he'd stop.
 

sunny3193

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I think it was more a snap decision. I can only assume I'd had enough of the crap. It was during a sport lesson on the asphalt basketball court and said person was making life difficult in that lesson, trying to hurt me and what not. Not the first time I'd had dealings with this person.
At the time I thought it was a dumb thing to do. I sure as hell didn't win and when I knew I wasn't I feigned the whole being KOed so he'd stop.
Didn’t matter if you won or lost the fight.
That wasn’t the important thing you did that day.
Huge respect for you. 👍
 

sammm

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That sounds tough Sab. Yeah, high school is a s**t time for a lot of people. My daughter got cyber bullied at school because she chose to be a vegan. We intercepted one lot of messages where these girls told her to kill herself repeatedly. The private school got her in a room with the girls she was getting bullied by and the school chose to do nothing. We pulled her out pretty quickly after that. We are still sending her to a psychologist 2 years later and it's really shaken her confidence and trust in other people. Some were meant to be her friends.

My dad's cousin had a son who had done really well in year 11 and was expected to do really well on his VCE, towards the end of year 12 he couldn't cope and jumped off a water tower. I didn't know him but he was obviously really struggling with the pressure and no one had even suspected he had any kind of issues. It broke his family with the unit falling apart and his brother becoming really introverted and in turn freaking the parents out who'd started coddling him.

Old people tell you that it's the best time in your life but for a lot it's not.

mine was pretty s**t, and had suicidal thoughts for many years. i did 10 years of counselling. and still even now some 20 or more years things still get triggered.
 

St Muir

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mine was pretty s**t, and had suicidal thoughts for many years. i did 10 years of counselling. and still even now some 20 or more years things still get triggered.
I'm sorry to hear that happened Sammm. Great credit to you for fighting through this and continuing to do so. There's a lot of support for you here at least. My sincere good wishes for the future & an easier path.
 

George

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I've been tossing up whether to post on this issue but you've coaxed me out BT. I'm posting because the word 'depression' covers so many conditions, individuals and circumstances. I hope this post will be of use to someone, now or in the future.
I was oblivious to depression, other than it being something that others suffered and something that I couldn't really understand. That all changed for me one night when I got a knock on the front door and found a rather nervous police officer waiting there. As soon as he mentioned my adult son's name, I knew he was dead. My son had struggled with schizophrenia for years and had been particularly agitated by Abbott's (when this low life was PM) grandstanding about slashing the DSP and other 'benefits'. I thought I'd convinced him there was nothing to worry about but I got that wrong. My son's answer to Abbott's escalating rhetoric was to end it all by walking in front of a train.
I was shattered. My life fragmented into little pieces that just didn't relate to one another. Over time I struggled to put the pieces together but couldn't. It was like there was no 'me' left to hold all the bits together. I slowly began to understand why my son took his life and why others would do the same. I started to think that my only answer was to take my own life. It was when I started to visualise my own death, that I knew I was in trouble. I remember going to the doctor and breaking down completely. I couldn't stop crying and couldn't believe my own tears and how broken I was.
I was put on to medication and given some sleeping tablets. The sleeping tablets were a God send. I was able to sleep properly for the first time in months. I wasn't quite so keen on the other meds after a while. They helped initially but I just didn't feel myself, so I gradually got off them.
I found exercise to be really beneficial, especially when dealing with depression's evil twin, anxiety. In my case, anxiety was often the start with depression following the utter futility of not resolving the underlying issue creating the anxiety. I started off with a few walks and built up to some bid bush walks of 20 k's or so.
In the meantime, my long term de facto relationship collapsed. My son was from a previous marriage and my partner just couldn't deal with my pain and the changes in me.
Years later, I have married a fantastic woman who has two children. I feel life has given me a second chance. I'm one of the lucky ones in that the depression was brought on by circumstances. As I have painstakingly worked through the consequences of that situation, I have been able to overcome depression and create a new life. I still get echos of that feeling and have to work at it, especially not allowing anxiety to get a foothold.
While I believe I'm a much better person for the experience, I would not wish depression on anyone. It's a hell of a lot more than just feeling sad or down. It's incredibly debilitating and requires enormous reserves of strength to fight it.
I do live in hope that I will come across Tony Abbott day though....
Much respect mate. Hard to talk about but thank you for sharing.
 

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gringo2011

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mine was pretty s**t, and had suicidal thoughts for many years. i did 10 years of counselling. and still even now some 20 or more years things still get triggered.

Hopefully people who still struggle from time to time know they have a big dysfunctional family on big footy who have their backs. If you ever need to unload feel free to DM me. I'm no expert but sometimes it helps to let it out.
 

VDS66

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Hopefully people who still struggle from time to time know they have a big dysfunctional family on big footy who have their backs. If you ever need to unload feel free to DM me. I'm no expert but sometimes it helps to let it out.
I think it's a ripper thread TBH and a great outlet for many.

Something really special in this thread.

Sadly, it doesn't say much about society when you have to post on a footy forum to get some understanding.
 

gringo2011

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I think it's a ripper thread TBH and a great outlet for many.

Something really special in this thread.

Sadly, it doesn't say much about society when you have to post on a footy forum to get some understanding.

Could only work on a Saints forum though, we are tighter through adversity. Seriously though the way mental health is funded now is dumb, it's so hard to access services and super expensive. We take our daughter to see a psych and even with a mental health plan and private health cover it's $250 out of pocket a visit and you have to book months in advance after seeing a GP then a specialist Paediatrician every 6 visits. I'm sure there are emergency services available but I couldn't believe how much it costs, you wouldn't want to be poor.
 

VDS66

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Could only work on a Saints forum though, we are tighter through adversity. Seriously though the way mental health is funded now is dumb, it's so hard to access services and super expensive. We take our daughter to see a psych and even with a mental health plan and private health cover it's $250 out of pocket a visit and you have to book months in advance after seeing a GP then a specialist Paediatrician every 6 visits. I'm sure there are emergency services available but I couldn't believe how much it costs, you wouldn't want to be poor.
Depends on the condition.

My sister in law is on full disability and the ndis has been nothing short of spectacular.
 

sunny3193

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I think it's a ripper thread TBH and a great outlet for many.

Something really special in this thread.

Sadly, it doesn't say much about society when you have to post on a footy forum to get some understanding.
I think this thread is humbling.
I have only the greatest regard for everyone who has opened up.
For someone like me, who I must admit has lived a fortunate life, these stories are powerful. 👍
 

mightymalaka

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I don't think all people are arseholes in that situation, some are just overwhelmed about how to deal with someone in distress. I have had a couple of mates come to me suicidal and counselled them through it. I'm not trained and have no real experience but try to be open and listen. A couple of times it felt like a massive burden and you start to wonder if it's attention seeking or real. I always tried to help in case though. I can see the stress of it making people want to avoid it. It's so emotionally stressful that it can really effect your own sense of stability. I feel like I've been lucky in life and really have nothing to complain about so have been pretty shielded from reality so when it lands on my door step I'm really thrown off balance by it.

There should be a website that helps people to help people in psychological distress. I called cops for welfare checks and went around to houses to hang out and chat but if there was some list of what to do I could have checked off, it would have been helpful. I didn't know if I should ring to have a psych assessment or just wait and see etc. Both cases ended well but they were horrific times in the guys I knows lives. One guy was really pi**ed off that I'd sent the cops around because he thought it would be on his permanent record, it was pretty hard to cope with being hated for helping. Anyway, you can kind of see why people get scared of dealing with those situations. Family is different though, that's just s**t behaviour from BT's folks.
This is a good point! Even for those of us who have been affected with battling their demons it doesnt necessarily translate to being allknowing or helpful
to others in the same situation!
Today is the 10th anniversary of my best mates death! And it still haunts me every day. We were incredibly close, our mothers were sisters but still
i have plenty of cousins but none i shared so much with! In and out of each others pockets from 4 years old we were as they say 2 peas in a pod!

We pretty much shared every possible experience in life, right from the young days playing sport, going to the footy and just generally clowning around
To our adolescent years, meeting girls, taking up smoking. wagging school with the girls getting ourselves pi**ed like naughty boys!
Remember once when we were only about 11 or 12 years old wanting to go to Luna Park. Knowing we had to catch the train to StKilda and we
Would have to go down Fitzroy st to get there, we convinced ourselves that we needed to stuff socks down our pants in order to negotiate
the tough scene at the time so we looked like Pimps! lol....Can only just imagine what the locals must have thought seeing these young punks with
Bulges bigger than Johnny Holmes strutting down the boardwalk!

As our teenage years were ending and we started becoming young men. Our harmless curiosity started turning a little more sinister and we began
then our initial dabbling with drugs and more and more drink, constantly partying for what seemed an eternity!
Together we both became hooked on the s**t and for many years it was a constant battle to not destroy ourselves especially in
the Music scene as we were back in the day....But still no matter what we were always there for each other and helped each other out numerous
times when it came to having the other ones back!
As the years rolled on and i got married, he of course was my Best man, i began to pull back from the life that i knew even then was killing me
So when my first Son arrived i had well and truly quit the drugs and tried making a fist of being a responsible working father!

My mate sadly fell deeper and deeper into the abyss of the Drug culture to the point it was now compromising who he was in every way
Still we never went more than 2 to 3 days without checking in on each other! Even when my marriage and world fell apart he was unbelievably
kind and helpful to me, taking me in all the while still taking drugs like a Mofo!
Eventually i got myself sorted again but he continued down the path of self mutilation! Anyways after numerous attempts to get him help with
Rehab and other forms of support he was still sinking faster and further!

Then one day when i had my boys over for the weekend he popped over as usual, only problem was he was completely s**tfaced on
copius amounts of Heroin, looking absolutely dreadful in front of the boys who used to idolise him. I was most concerned about the impact this was
having so nervously tried making small talk with him about what he was up to for the day, when he replied loudly that he was planning on taking a
s**t load of drugs and then stealing a car i cracked and showed him the door! For the first time ever i had kicked him out. Even still as i was walking
him to the car explaining that i just cant have him talking like that in front of the boys there was still no bad blood, just sadness on my part!

So when he then proceeded to tell me how he was going to kill himself for what seemed like the 150th time i scoffed at him and told him to
Grow the fu** up! As he was leaving he said he was so sorry and that he loved me! Twas the last time i saw him!
We then went 2 months without contact till one night i got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and frantically was trying to reach him
Only days earlier his mother my auntie was about to travel to Greece with my folks when she made me promise to her at the airport that i Must
look after her boy! Your the only one that has ever reached him she said....My boy is in trouble, please help him! I agreed but secretly was at the
end of my patience with him.....Suffice to say in my desperate search for him that last night i went to his sisters where he had been staying for a few days
Missed him by half an hour. She was very worried repeating the same calls for Suicide from him and pleading with him to go to my place as i would as always
Help him! His last words to her were tell Steve i'm sorry man, thanks for all you've done but i'm too far gone sis this is it!

Next morning i got the dreaded call! To this very day it haunts me in a way i cannot shake! I had abandoned him and cast him out, promised his mother
i would take care of him only to walk away from a desperate man! Tried to justify it to myself that i had taken his threats seriously the first 100 times
and was tired and had enough dramas in my own life that i didnt need this s**t! Now he was Dead and i have had to live with the overwhelming
shame and guilt that i let him down so horribly when i was needed the most!
Even though family and friends have tried being supportive to me over my overwhelming grief and guilt including his mother whom i never
could look directly in the eye ever again till she passed just recently! To be honest i have never truly recovered from losing my soul mate and brother
due to feeling so bloody horribly guilty about it all! Its still a real grind to find happiness again after the personal trauma of feeling responsible!

Still miss him so much! And wish with everything i have that i could go back and change it all! No matter what anyone says i just cannot forgive myself!
So Gringo know you did the right thing brother and you should be very proud even after being personally attacked and hated for it at the time
that you stood up to be counted man!
 

StCicatriz

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This is a good point! Even for those of us who have been affected with battling their demons it doesnt necessarily translate to being allknowing or helpful
to others in the same situation!
Today is the 10th anniversary of my best mates death! And it still haunts me every day. We were incredibly close, our mothers were sisters but still
i have plenty of cousins but none i shared so much with! In and out of each others pockets from 4 years old we were as they say 2 peas in a pod!

We pretty much shared every possible experience in life, right from the young days playing sport, going to the footy and just generally clowning around
To our adolescent years, meeting girls, taking up smoking. wagging school with the girls getting ourselves pi**ed like naughty boys!
Remember once when we were only about 11 or 12 years old wanting to go to Luna Park. Knowing we had to catch the train to StKilda and we
Would have to go down Fitzroy st to get there, we convinced ourselves that we needed to stuff socks down our pants in order to negotiate
the tough scene at the time so we looked like Pimps! lol....Can only just imagine what the locals must have thought seeing these young punks with
Bulges bigger than Johnny Holmes strutting down the boardwalk!

As our teenage years were ending and we started becoming young men. Our harmless curiosity started turning a little more sinister and we began
then our initial dabbling with drugs and more and more drink, constantly partying for what seemed an eternity!
Together we both became hooked on the s**t and for many years it was a constant battle to not destroy ourselves especially in
the Music scene as we were back in the day....But still no matter what we were always there for each other and helped each other out numerous
times when it came to having the other ones back!
As the years rolled on and i got married, he of course was my Best man, i began to pull back from the life that i knew even then was killing me
So when my first Son arrived i had well and truly quit the drugs and tried making a fist of being a responsible working father!

My mate sadly fell deeper and deeper into the abyss of the Drug culture to the point it was now compromising who he was in every way
Still we never went more than 2 to 3 days without checking in on each other! Even when my marriage and world fell apart he was unbelievably
kind and helpful to me, taking me in all the while still taking drugs like a Mofo!
Eventually i got myself sorted again but he continued down the path of self mutilation! Anyways after numerous attempts to get him help with
Rehab and other forms of support he was still sinking faster and further!

Then one day when i had my boys over for the weekend he popped over as usual, only problem was he was completely s**tfaced on
copius amounts of Heroin, looking absolutely dreadful in front of the boys who used to idolise him. I was most concerned about the impact this was
having so nervously tried making small talk with him about what he was up to for the day, when he replied loudly that he was planning on taking a
s**t load of drugs and then stealing a car i cracked and showed him the door! For the first time ever i had kicked him out. Even still as i was walking
him to the car explaining that i just cant have him talking like that in front of the boys there was still no bad blood, just sadness on my part!

So when he then proceeded to tell me how he was going to kill himself for what seemed like the 150th time i scoffed at him and told him to
Grow the **** up! As he was leaving he said he was so sorry and that he loved me! Twas the last time i saw him!
We then went 2 months without contact till one night i got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and frantically was trying to reach him
Only days earlier his mother my auntie was about to travel to Greece with my folks when she made me promise to her at the airport that i Must
look after her boy! Your the only one that has ever reached him she said....My boy is in trouble, please help him! I agreed but secretly was at the
end of my patience with him.....Suffice to say in my desperate search for him that last night i went to his sisters where he had been staying for a few days
Missed him by half an hour. She was very worried repeating the same calls for Suicide from him and pleading with him to go to my place as i would as always
Help him! His last words to her were tell Steve i'm sorry man, thanks for all you've done but i'm too far gone sis this is it!

Next morning i got the dreaded call! To this very day it haunts me in a way i cannot shake! I had abandoned him and cast him out, promised his mother
i would take care of him only to walk away from a desperate man! Tried to justify it to myself that i had taken his threats seriously the first 100 times
and was tired and had enough dramas in my own life that i didnt need this s**t! Now he was Dead and i have had to live with the overwhelming
shame and guilt that i let him down so horribly when i was needed the most!
Even though family and friends have tried being supportive to me over my overwhelming grief and guilt including his mother whom i never
could look directly in the eye ever again till she passed just recently! To be honest i have never truly recovered from losing my soul mate and brother
due to feeling so bloody horribly guilty about it all! Its still a real grind to find happiness again after the personal trauma of feeling responsible!

Still miss him so much! And wish with everything i have that i could go back and change it all! No matter what anyone says i just cannot forgive myself!
So Gringo know you did the right thing brother and you should be very proud even after being personally attacked and hated for it at the time
that you stood up to be counted man!
mate i am so sorry to hear that. i know its just lipservice and nothing i could say could have any impact at all. but for what its worth, you were not at fault. you can't fix everything. once you couple it with having your own family etc. there's only so much you can do. i don't know what you could have done differently. like you said you cant have that influence around your young kid.
 

Keg on legs

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This is a good point! Even for those of us who have been affected with battling their demons it doesnt necessarily translate to being allknowing or helpful
to others in the same situation!
Today is the 10th anniversary of my best mates death! And it still haunts me every day. We were incredibly close, our mothers were sisters but still
i have plenty of cousins but none i shared so much with! In and out of each others pockets from 4 years old we were as they say 2 peas in a pod!

We pretty much shared every possible experience in life, right from the young days playing sport, going to the footy and just generally clowning around
To our adolescent years, meeting girls, taking up smoking. wagging school with the girls getting ourselves pi**ed like naughty boys!
Remember once when we were only about 11 or 12 years old wanting to go to Luna Park. Knowing we had to catch the train to StKilda and we
Would have to go down Fitzroy st to get there, we convinced ourselves that we needed to stuff socks down our pants in order to negotiate
the tough scene at the time so we looked like Pimps! lol....Can only just imagine what the locals must have thought seeing these young punks with
Bulges bigger than Johnny Holmes strutting down the boardwalk!

As our teenage years were ending and we started becoming young men. Our harmless curiosity started turning a little more sinister and we began
then our initial dabbling with drugs and more and more drink, constantly partying for what seemed an eternity!
Together we both became hooked on the s**t and for many years it was a constant battle to not destroy ourselves especially in
the Music scene as we were back in the day....But still no matter what we were always there for each other and helped each other out numerous
times when it came to having the other ones back!
As the years rolled on and i got married, he of course was my Best man, i began to pull back from the life that i knew even then was killing me
So when my first Son arrived i had well and truly quit the drugs and tried making a fist of being a responsible working father!

My mate sadly fell deeper and deeper into the abyss of the Drug culture to the point it was now compromising who he was in every way
Still we never went more than 2 to 3 days without checking in on each other! Even when my marriage and world fell apart he was unbelievably
kind and helpful to me, taking me in all the while still taking drugs like a Mofo!
Eventually i got myself sorted again but he continued down the path of self mutilation! Anyways after numerous attempts to get him help with
Rehab and other forms of support he was still sinking faster and further!

Then one day when i had my boys over for the weekend he popped over as usual, only problem was he was completely s**tfaced on
copius amounts of Heroin, looking absolutely dreadful in front of the boys who used to idolise him. I was most concerned about the impact this was
having so nervously tried making small talk with him about what he was up to for the day, when he replied loudly that he was planning on taking a
s**t load of drugs and then stealing a car i cracked and showed him the door! For the first time ever i had kicked him out. Even still as i was walking
him to the car explaining that i just cant have him talking like that in front of the boys there was still no bad blood, just sadness on my part!

So when he then proceeded to tell me how he was going to kill himself for what seemed like the 150th time i scoffed at him and told him to
Grow the **** up! As he was leaving he said he was so sorry and that he loved me! Twas the last time i saw him!
We then went 2 months without contact till one night i got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and frantically was trying to reach him
Only days earlier his mother my auntie was about to travel to Greece with my folks when she made me promise to her at the airport that i Must
look after her boy! Your the only one that has ever reached him she said....My boy is in trouble, please help him! I agreed but secretly was at the
end of my patience with him.....Suffice to say in my desperate search for him that last night i went to his sisters where he had been staying for a few days
Missed him by half an hour. She was very worried repeating the same calls for Suicide from him and pleading with him to go to my place as i would as always
Help him! His last words to her were tell Steve i'm sorry man, thanks for all you've done but i'm too far gone sis this is it!

Next morning i got the dreaded call! To this very day it haunts me in a way i cannot shake! I had abandoned him and cast him out, promised his mother
i would take care of him only to walk away from a desperate man! Tried to justify it to myself that i had taken his threats seriously the first 100 times
and was tired and had enough dramas in my own life that i didnt need this s**t! Now he was Dead and i have had to live with the overwhelming
shame and guilt that i let him down so horribly when i was needed the most!
Even though family and friends have tried being supportive to me over my overwhelming grief and guilt including his mother whom i never
could look directly in the eye ever again till she passed just recently! To be honest i have never truly recovered from losing my soul mate and brother
due to feeling so bloody horribly guilty about it all! Its still a real grind to find happiness again after the personal trauma of feeling responsible!

Still miss him so much! And wish with everything i have that i could go back and change it all! No matter what anyone says i just cannot forgive myself!
So Gringo know you did the right thing brother and you should be very proud even after being personally attacked and hated for it at the time
that you stood up to be counted man!
Jesus mate. My thoughts go out to you. I imagine the pain is even more acute on the anniversary.

Having lived through a similar experience i understand the feelings of guilt. PM if you need a chat mate
 

VDS66

Brownlow Medallist
Oct 4, 2011
20,841
53,629
AFL Club
St Kilda
This is a good point! Even for those of us who have been affected with battling their demons it doesnt necessarily translate to being allknowing or helpful
to others in the same situation!
Today is the 10th anniversary of my best mates death! And it still haunts me every day. We were incredibly close, our mothers were sisters but still
i have plenty of cousins but none i shared so much with! In and out of each others pockets from 4 years old we were as they say 2 peas in a pod!

We pretty much shared every possible experience in life, right from the young days playing sport, going to the footy and just generally clowning around
To our adolescent years, meeting girls, taking up smoking. wagging school with the girls getting ourselves pi**ed like naughty boys!
Remember once when we were only about 11 or 12 years old wanting to go to Luna Park. Knowing we had to catch the train to StKilda and we
Would have to go down Fitzroy st to get there, we convinced ourselves that we needed to stuff socks down our pants in order to negotiate
the tough scene at the time so we looked like Pimps! lol....Can only just imagine what the locals must have thought seeing these young punks with
Bulges bigger than Johnny Holmes strutting down the boardwalk!

As our teenage years were ending and we started becoming young men. Our harmless curiosity started turning a little more sinister and we began
then our initial dabbling with drugs and more and more drink, constantly partying for what seemed an eternity!
Together we both became hooked on the s**t and for many years it was a constant battle to not destroy ourselves especially in
the Music scene as we were back in the day....But still no matter what we were always there for each other and helped each other out numerous
times when it came to having the other ones back!
As the years rolled on and i got married, he of course was my Best man, i began to pull back from the life that i knew even then was killing me
So when my first Son arrived i had well and truly quit the drugs and tried making a fist of being a responsible working father!

My mate sadly fell deeper and deeper into the abyss of the Drug culture to the point it was now compromising who he was in every way
Still we never went more than 2 to 3 days without checking in on each other! Even when my marriage and world fell apart he was unbelievably
kind and helpful to me, taking me in all the while still taking drugs like a Mofo!
Eventually i got myself sorted again but he continued down the path of self mutilation! Anyways after numerous attempts to get him help with
Rehab and other forms of support he was still sinking faster and further!

Then one day when i had my boys over for the weekend he popped over as usual, only problem was he was completely s**tfaced on
copius amounts of Heroin, looking absolutely dreadful in front of the boys who used to idolise him. I was most concerned about the impact this was
having so nervously tried making small talk with him about what he was up to for the day, when he replied loudly that he was planning on taking a
s**t load of drugs and then stealing a car i cracked and showed him the door! For the first time ever i had kicked him out. Even still as i was walking
him to the car explaining that i just cant have him talking like that in front of the boys there was still no bad blood, just sadness on my part!

So when he then proceeded to tell me how he was going to kill himself for what seemed like the 150th time i scoffed at him and told him to
Grow the **** up! As he was leaving he said he was so sorry and that he loved me! Twas the last time i saw him!
We then went 2 months without contact till one night i got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and frantically was trying to reach him
Only days earlier his mother my auntie was about to travel to Greece with my folks when she made me promise to her at the airport that i Must
look after her boy! Your the only one that has ever reached him she said....My boy is in trouble, please help him! I agreed but secretly was at the
end of my patience with him.....Suffice to say in my desperate search for him that last night i went to his sisters where he had been staying for a few days
Missed him by half an hour. She was very worried repeating the same calls for Suicide from him and pleading with him to go to my place as i would as always
Help him! His last words to her were tell Steve i'm sorry man, thanks for all you've done but i'm too far gone sis this is it!

Next morning i got the dreaded call! To this very day it haunts me in a way i cannot shake! I had abandoned him and cast him out, promised his mother
i would take care of him only to walk away from a desperate man! Tried to justify it to myself that i had taken his threats seriously the first 100 times
and was tired and had enough dramas in my own life that i didnt need this s**t! Now he was Dead and i have had to live with the overwhelming
shame and guilt that i let him down so horribly when i was needed the most!
Even though family and friends have tried being supportive to me over my overwhelming grief and guilt including his mother whom i never
could look directly in the eye ever again till she passed just recently! To be honest i have never truly recovered from losing my soul mate and brother
due to feeling so bloody horribly guilty about it all! Its still a real grind to find happiness again after the personal trauma of feeling responsible!

Still miss him so much! And wish with everything i have that i could go back and change it all! No matter what anyone says i just cannot forgive myself!
So Gringo know you did the right thing brother and you should be very proud even after being personally attacked and hated for it at the time
that you stood up to be counted man!
Guilt is a real bitch mate. I feel your pain, but in a different way.

Ultimately you have to forgive yourself. That's too heavy a burden to carry.

What's done is done and nothing will change the past. Even your cuz has to be accountable for his life choices that put you in that position of having to decide in the first place.

Truth is, you have a kid and everything you do from here on is about being the best role model for him and your family.

This may sound harsh, but ultimately we have to own what we did or think we did and move forward for the sale of others.

Kids aren't dumb and will smell a problem 100 miles away. We cannot teach them what don't have... Self respect, integrity etc.

Like I said, sorry if this sounds harsh but none of us will be of any use to our kids if we don't deal with it.

If I'm out of line, I apologise and please forgive me.
 

St Muir

Team Captain
Oct 18, 2018
507
1,846
AFL Club
St Kilda
This is a good point! Even for those of us who have been affected with battling their demons it doesnt necessarily translate to being allknowing or helpful
to others in the same situation!
Today is the 10th anniversary of my best mates death! And it still haunts me every day. We were incredibly close, our mothers were sisters but still
i have plenty of cousins but none i shared so much with! In and out of each others pockets from 4 years old we were as they say 2 peas in a pod!

We pretty much shared every possible experience in life, right from the young days playing sport, going to the footy and just generally clowning around
To our adolescent years, meeting girls, taking up smoking. wagging school with the girls getting ourselves pi**ed like naughty boys!
Remember once when we were only about 11 or 12 years old wanting to go to Luna Park. Knowing we had to catch the train to StKilda and we
Would have to go down Fitzroy st to get there, we convinced ourselves that we needed to stuff socks down our pants in order to negotiate
the tough scene at the time so we looked like Pimps! lol....Can only just imagine what the locals must have thought seeing these young punks with
Bulges bigger than Johnny Holmes strutting down the boardwalk!

As our teenage years were ending and we started becoming young men. Our harmless curiosity started turning a little more sinister and we began
then our initial dabbling with drugs and more and more drink, constantly partying for what seemed an eternity!
Together we both became hooked on the s**t and for many years it was a constant battle to not destroy ourselves especially in
the Music scene as we were back in the day....But still no matter what we were always there for each other and helped each other out numerous
times when it came to having the other ones back!
As the years rolled on and i got married, he of course was my Best man, i began to pull back from the life that i knew even then was killing me
So when my first Son arrived i had well and truly quit the drugs and tried making a fist of being a responsible working father!

My mate sadly fell deeper and deeper into the abyss of the Drug culture to the point it was now compromising who he was in every way
Still we never went more than 2 to 3 days without checking in on each other! Even when my marriage and world fell apart he was unbelievably
kind and helpful to me, taking me in all the while still taking drugs like a Mofo!
Eventually i got myself sorted again but he continued down the path of self mutilation! Anyways after numerous attempts to get him help with
Rehab and other forms of support he was still sinking faster and further!

Then one day when i had my boys over for the weekend he popped over as usual, only problem was he was completely s**tfaced on
copius amounts of Heroin, looking absolutely dreadful in front of the boys who used to idolise him. I was most concerned about the impact this was
having so nervously tried making small talk with him about what he was up to for the day, when he replied loudly that he was planning on taking a
s**t load of drugs and then stealing a car i cracked and showed him the door! For the first time ever i had kicked him out. Even still as i was walking
him to the car explaining that i just cant have him talking like that in front of the boys there was still no bad blood, just sadness on my part!

So when he then proceeded to tell me how he was going to kill himself for what seemed like the 150th time i scoffed at him and told him to
Grow the **** up! As he was leaving he said he was so sorry and that he loved me! Twas the last time i saw him!
We then went 2 months without contact till one night i got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and frantically was trying to reach him
Only days earlier his mother my auntie was about to travel to Greece with my folks when she made me promise to her at the airport that i Must
look after her boy! Your the only one that has ever reached him she said....My boy is in trouble, please help him! I agreed but secretly was at the
end of my patience with him.....Suffice to say in my desperate search for him that last night i went to his sisters where he had been staying for a few days
Missed him by half an hour. She was very worried repeating the same calls for Suicide from him and pleading with him to go to my place as i would as always
Help him! His last words to her were tell Steve i'm sorry man, thanks for all you've done but i'm too far gone sis this is it!

Next morning i got the dreaded call! To this very day it haunts me in a way i cannot shake! I had abandoned him and cast him out, promised his mother
i would take care of him only to walk away from a desperate man! Tried to justify it to myself that i had taken his threats seriously the first 100 times
and was tired and had enough dramas in my own life that i didnt need this s**t! Now he was Dead and i have had to live with the overwhelming
shame and guilt that i let him down so horribly when i was needed the most!
Even though family and friends have tried being supportive to me over my overwhelming grief and guilt including his mother whom i never
could look directly in the eye ever again till she passed just recently! To be honest i have never truly recovered from losing my soul mate and brother
due to feeling so bloody horribly guilty about it all! Its still a real grind to find happiness again after the personal trauma of feeling responsible!

Still miss him so much! And wish with everything i have that i could go back and change it all! No matter what anyone says i just cannot forgive myself!
So Gringo know you did the right thing brother and you should be very proud even after being personally attacked and hated for it at the time
that you stood up to be counted man!
Man, I had tears streaming down my face reading that. That was a hell of a test for someone to have to face. You really did do the right thing, there was no other path for a responsible father to take, as much as you wish there was. Your mate was on a path he couldn’t turn back from and you couldn’t go with him.
Thanks for sharing, I knew you had something to tell!
You’re a really good man MM, it comes through in your posts. It’s a privilege to know you here.
 

Yawkey way

Premiership Player
May 8, 2017
3,460
8,120
AFL Club
St Kilda
Other Teams
Red sox
Could only work on a Saints forum though, we are tighter through adversity. Seriously though the way mental health is funded now is dumb, it's so hard to access services and super expensive. We take our daughter to see a psych and even with a mental health plan and private health cover it's $250 out of pocket a visit and you have to book months in advance after seeing a GP then a specialist Paediatrician every 6 visits. I'm sure there are emergency services available but I couldn't believe how much it costs, you wouldn't want to be poor.
You get ten visits a calendar year on a plan set up by your GP.

The problem is they charge whatever the hell they please your entitled to 85% of the scheduled fee which varies according to the qualifications of the psychologist you see, the maximum rebate is about $128 so yeah it’s expensive. Psychiatrists are different as they’re doctors, they charge a lot more and you get back 85% of the scheduled fee but you can be out of pocket a lot of money. There is a safety net that you hit per year after which you can claim 80% of the out of pocket gap I believe, it’s different depending on income etc so ask Medicare they will know.

There are or were lots of services some are free some you can’t claim a penny for, I’ve even seen phone apps that are really not too bad depending on the type and severity of the problems.
 

gringo2011

Premium Gold
Nov 12, 2011
25,261
55,551
Melbourne
AFL Club
St Kilda
You get ten visits a calendar year on a plan set up by your GP.

The problem is they charge whatever the hell they please your entitled to 85% of the scheduled fee which varies according to the qualifications of the psychologist you see, the maximum rebate is about $128 so yeah it’s expensive. Psychiatrists are different as they’re doctors, they charge a lot more and you get back 85% of the scheduled fee but you can be out of pocket a lot of money. There is a safety net that you hit per year after which you can claim 80% of the out of pocket gap I believe, it’s different depending on income etc so ask Medicare they will know.

There are or were lots of services some are free some you can’t claim a penny for, I’ve even seen phone apps that are really not too bad depending on the type and severity of the problems.

We just followed what the GP told us, you don't really get much information except referrals. It must be 10 visits she gets then needs a new assessment and a new plan. At least the services are there fo people.
 

Yawkey way

Premiership Player
May 8, 2017
3,460
8,120
AFL Club
St Kilda
Other Teams
Red sox
It’s difficult to know where to start, there’s a definite starting point at 12 years old but so many different chapters with different twists and turns that it’s just too complicated to put down here.

I guess I was to varying degrees about to come apart at the seams for years, looking back it seems so obvious but we often can’t see it ourselves and just as often we aren’t totally honest with ourselves or others, making getting help impossible.

Sometimes we find help in the company of others, those risk taking self destructive but often very loyal and protective friends that seem to find each other. They often don’t stay that way as behaviours escalate but I have done my best to stay friends or friendly with my mates from those days.

At any rate after many chapters and years of enormous pressure I bend over to do up my shoes experience severe chest pain and a racing pulse. I wind up in emergency at the Alfred where they run some tests and think it’s an electrical problem or ?. It’s a very strange sensation when your resting pulse is about 40-44 to have your heart doing 220+. I end up transferred that night to Cabrini so my fathers cardiologist prof Harper can look after me I’m 35 too young and fit for this s**t. I get to Cabrini and before I’ve seen professor Harper a nurse has shoved a DVD of open heart surgery and how and why it’s done on my tv and a priest has given me the last rights wtf is going on.

I have a coronary angiogram and various other tests over a ten day stay pristine, muscular skeletal spasm, say what?. So I’m out and about and have no idea what happened to me but I’m looking over my shoulder, about 3 weeks latter I have another one. Into casualty no your fine, this begins what has been a 20 plus year battle with severe anxiety and panic disorder. It’s strange you get some comorbidity with depression, ocd and agoraphobia but it’s the root cause that I can’t shake.

I have been up and down over the years but drugs haven’t worked for me and cbt is a total wash, I defy anyone when told by real medical doctors that only they can tell if it’s your heart or not and to get to casualty to just think rationally and sit through it.

I guess plenty of you already know this but to the outside world I’m doing pretty well, beautiful wife, 4 beautiful kids with a nice house in an expensive suburb. Appearances can be deceiving even as a kid being elite in a sport and generally talented at most as well as being smart and popular with the girls doesn’t scream needs help.

Screw appearances and what other people think get help, this thread has energised me to make an appointment with my specialist and see what’s new after pretty much coming to an impasse about 4 years ago.
We just followed what the GP told us, you don't really get much information except referrals. It must be 10 visits she gets then needs a new assessment and a new plan. At least the services are there fo people.
Probably gringo, ask questions it’s important.

You can see a psychiatrist as often as you like I believe, of course you pay for it but there’s no limit because their doctors I think whereas psychologists are in a different category.
 
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