Opinion Mental Illness, my point of view and you

[fallout11]

I have debated for a while about posting something like this but I feel it's time so here goes.

I had my first week back at work after having about 2 months off after coming within an inch of ending my own life. I have had issues with depression, addiction and anxiety, around this time I truly felt as though there was no point in living and did not see any other alternative.

Looking back now I understand how mental illness clouds the mind to such an extent that basic logic and reason can no longer function. An analogy that I find helpful is that it is like a neurological cancer, if left untreated it can and for a disgraceful amount of people does claim lives. Treatment can help and whilst it may not totally destroy the beast, it can absolutely tame it to an extent that you can live a long, happy life.

There is not a single one of us here who if we were diagnosed by a professional that we had cancer would refuse chemotherapy, medication, say no to a hospital and go home and think that we could get rid of the cancer by ourselves with some willpower...so why is mental illness any different?

I haven't felt this frankly great for a long time and I learnt a few lessons from this period and if I can help just one person here in the smallest way then awesome!

The biggest lesson I learnt is that it's ok to be vulnerable, it's ok to need help and that talking honestly about your feelings and emotions is paramount. For a long time you could not pay me enough money to even admit I needed help, let alone to talk about it, during that time I resolutely believed that talking about it would achieve nothing, I couldn't have been more wrong!

So I am not asking, I am not telling, I am begging you to admit you need help, that you cannot slay the beast by yourself and that talking honestly about it does help.

I know we argue a lot on here (I have been guilty of this) but if ANY of you felt like talking about this, and sometimes a relative stranger can be easier at first than with a loved one, please feel free to contact me either publically or privately (am more than willing to give you my mobile number as well).

I am here for you.

Spread the love and together let's help each other slay and tame our beasts and enjoy our beautiful lives!

Lots of love and respect,

Fallout

 

[Kappa]

13 11 14 for lifeline too.

 

[iBeng]

I sort of see my mental illness as a Demon in a box. Sometimes the box is a glass box, I can see it but cant hear it. Sometimes it changes it to a wire cage. I can see it, I can hear it. Sometimes, he gets out and I go to a dark place that scares me.

Some days its in a concrete box.

 

[Americanpies]

I've had it, still have it. Will have it for life. But I've learnt how to deal with it, and not let it affect my life in negative ways. I use it to stengthen me now.. For example.. if I'm sitting around sinking into a depression hole and feeling like crap, I'll say f it.. I'm going to the gym.. I won't want to go to the gym, and I probably won't enjoy being there, but actually going and doing it and pushing myself beyond that invisible wall makes me feel like a different person when I'm finished.. like a feeling of victory.

One thing I am getting sick of though.. is people using it, when they don't actually have it.

Example is these AFL players having time off and declaring mental illness. Then they are back after 2 weeks and we never hear of it again from them. It just cheapens the reality of people who DO suffer from it. Now, I'm not saying that NO AFL player has it. Many would. But I know there are some that have been declared as mentally ill, and really it's just covering up some other matter... relationship breakdown, alcohol issues, recreational drugs, etc.... these can be mental illness related.. IE a hardcore alcoholic or drug addict that has gear to suppress mental demons.. but a guy going out on some benders with his mates and getting pissed, then unable to turn up to training is not mental illness. It's just a guy acting like a dick head. The worst part about it is rarely do any of these guys do anything positive for the cause. They literally disappear for a few weeks, coach declares mental illness, then he is back like nothing happened. These guys are in the spotlight.. if they do have serious afflictions, they should be getting out there and helping to raise awareness... as they have gone through it themselves, or so they say.

 

[undefined]

It’s ****ed, to be candid. ****ed.

By far my greatest battle, and can rear its ugly head without much warning at all.

Stoked you’re in a better space now, OP... and what a fantastic post. Whoever happens to be reading this, remember that YOU ARE LOVED.

 

[revo333]

Be careful always about what you say.

A mate got stuck into an english cricketer who left a tour early with depression on social media.

A year later I find out his wife had depression and severe anxiety so while he was getting stuck into the cricketer she was suffering in silence on her own.

Don't see him much on social media anymore...

 

[Socrates2]

I have debated for a while about posting something like this but I feel it's time so here goes.

I had my first week back at work after having about 2 months off after coming within an inch of ending my own life. I have had issues with depression, addiction and anxiety, around this time I truly felt as though there was no point in living and did not see any other alternative.

Looking back now I understand how mental illness clouds the mind to such an extent that basic logic and reason can no longer function. An analogy that I find helpful is that it is like a neurological cancer, if left untreated it can and for a disgraceful amount of people does claim lives. Treatment can help and whilst it may not totally destroy the beast, it can absolutely tame it to an extent that you can live a long, happy life.

There is not a single one of us here who if we were diagnosed by a professional that we had cancer would refuse chemotherapy, medication, say no to a hospital and go home and think that we could get rid of the cancer by ourselves with some willpower...so why is mental illness any different?

I haven't felt this frankly great for a long time and I learnt a few lessons from this period and if I can help just one person here in the smallest way then awesome!

The biggest lesson I learnt is that it's ok to be vulnerable, it's ok to need help and that talking honestly about your feelings and emotions is paramount. For a long time you could not pay me enough money to even admit I needed help, let alone to talk about it, during that time I resolutely believed that talking about it would achieve nothing, I couldn't have been more wrong!

So I am not asking, I am not telling, I am begging you to admit you need help, that you cannot slay the beast by yourself and that talking honestly about it does help.

I know we argue a lot on here (I have been guilty of this) but if ANY of you felt like talking about this, and sometimes a relative stranger can be easier at first than with a loved one, please feel free to contact me either publically or privately (am more than willing to give you my mobile number as well).

I am here for you.

Spread the love and together let's help each other slay and tame our beasts and enjoy our beautiful lives!

Lots of love and respect,

Fallout

Great post Fallout11, it's a good reminder that there are always options for depression/ suicidal thoughts. If people can't talk to anyone immediately, go to the doctors and discuss it with them . If you need sedation for a period of time, it's not a big deal and things will improve eventually.All the best mate and thanks for the thread.

 

[kingswood71]

Well done OP
As a GP I see depression/anxiety on a daily basis.
Find a caring GP. Open up to them. We have pathways to get you the extra help you need.
Sometimes I have questioned patients just following a hunch and then the flood gates open...this is a good thing!
Help is always there, never be scared to ask for it.
You will not be judged.

 

[fallout11]

Fantastic replies, v much appreciated. I have always been an exceedingly empathetic person who feels other people's pain just as much so I feel for my fellow brothers and sisters on here going through their own problems.

One thing I forgot too mention was that for about 48/72 hours after nearly ending my own life was the feelings I had with life's little pleasures, having a nice sleep in a comfy bed, a nice hot shower on a cold day/night, eating some of my favorite foods, watching the sun set, etc, etc was stunningly beautiful! It made me realise the importance of enjoying life day by day, enjoying the 'small things' and how precious and lucky we are to be sentient intelligent beings. Too often we focus to much on work and money and 'tomorrow' and not only forget to enjoy the 'little things' but that life is truly about the journey, not the destination.

Keep up the good work, keep talking and let's help each other!

 

[iBeng]

Fantastic replies, v much appreciated. I have always been an exceedingly empathetic person who feels other people's pain just as much so I feel for my fellow brothers and sisters on here going through their own problems.

One thing I forgot too mention was that for about 48/72 hours after nearly ending my own life was the feelings I had with life's little pleasures, having a nice sleep in a comfy bed, a nice hot shower on a cold day/night, eating some of my favorite foods, watching the sun set, etc, etc was stunningly beautiful! It made me realise the importance of enjoying life day by day, enjoying the 'small things' and how precious and lucky we are to be sentient intelligent beings. Too often we focus to much on work and money and 'tomorrow' and not only forget to enjoy the 'little things' but that life is truly about the journey, not the destination.

Keep up the good work, keep talking and let's help each other!

When I had therapy last year my doctor told me this was my basic problem. I did this thing where, and it sounds like I have voices in my head but I dont, I would narrate everyone around me and what they thought of me. At work, in the car, social events. All that stuff. Basically the Demon I mentioned was having a good little yack to me in the back of my head. I dont use the term Demon for religious reasons, it can be literally any form of creature you wish.

The doctor gave me two things to aim for: Make my own sort of mental island that only Im on. Then I dont see the other peoples 'thoughts' so to speak. Secondly, work on making a sort of personal mind bubble to stop my thoughts straying. Literally tame my own insecurity and anxiety as much as I can. It has helped so far, I still tend to avoid big social get togethers and ive never been big on close friendships, had too many early bad experiences.

Experience is the big thing as well, everything that happens to you between the ages of 5 to 12/13 is what sets your world view, how you interact and how people interact with you. There are other factors, but thats your core personality building. I unfortunately had parents who used that time to tell me things like "I was an accident" or "You do things to effeminately, you should be a girl/gay" and at the time they burrowed in but in my 20s they surfaced with a vengeance and messed me up hardcore.

At the end of the day all we all are is the sum of our experiences in life, without that we would be just eating/sleeping machines.

 

[iBeng]

Also, anxiety is the biggest tool of depression/mental illness and causes the feedback loop that lets it get out of control. More so if you are overly empathetic. That person you call a shithead will bottle that and remind himself every day that you think hes a shithead. My dad had a bad habit of yelling at me like I was in trouble, bringing me to tears and then laughing it off and saying dont worry youre fine then walk off.

 

[CFC2010]

I have debated for a while about posting something like this but I feel it's time so here goes.

I had my first week back at work after having about 2 months off after coming within an inch of ending my own life. I have had issues with depression, addiction and anxiety, around this time I truly felt as though there was no point in living and did not see any other alternative.

Looking back now I understand how mental illness clouds the mind to such an extent that basic logic and reason can no longer function. An analogy that I find helpful is that it is like a neurological cancer, if left untreated it can and for a disgraceful amount of people does claim lives. Treatment can help and whilst it may not totally destroy the beast, it can absolutely tame it to an extent that you can live a long, happy life.

There is not a single one of us here who if we were diagnosed by a professional that we had cancer would refuse chemotherapy, medication, say no to a hospital and go home and think that we could get rid of the cancer by ourselves with some willpower...so why is mental illness any different?

I haven't felt this frankly great for a long time and I learnt a few lessons from this period and if I can help just one person here in the smallest way then awesome!

The biggest lesson I learnt is that it's ok to be vulnerable, it's ok to need help and that talking honestly about your feelings and emotions is paramount. For a long time you could not pay me enough money to even admit I needed help, let alone to talk about it, during that time I resolutely believed that talking about it would achieve nothing, I couldn't have been more wrong!

So I am not asking, I am not telling, I am begging you to admit you need help, that you cannot slay the beast by yourself and that talking honestly about it does help.

I know we argue a lot on here (I have been guilty of this) but if ANY of you felt like talking about this, and sometimes a relative stranger can be easier at first than with a loved one, please feel free to contact me either publically or privately (am more than willing to give you my mobile number as well).

I am here for you.

Spread the love and together let's help each other slay and tame our beasts and enjoy our beautiful lives!

Lots of love and respect,

Fallout

Well said mate.

 

[fallout11]

Also, anxiety is the biggest tool of depression/mental illness and causes the feedback loop that lets it get out of control. More so if you are overly empathetic. That person you call a s**thead will bottle that and remind himself every day that you think hes a s**thead. My dad had a bad habit of yelling at me like I was in trouble, bringing me to tears and then laughing it off and saying dont worry youre fine then walk off.

Absolutely!! My anxiety crippled me to an extent I couldn't even go to my nephew's 4th bday party for one example, I missed more games this year at the cattery than going entirely due to anxiety.

The mental island for just yourself is a cracker!

Keep up the good fight mate!

 

[bresker]

It’s very easy to look at someone who self harms or commits suicide and say “How could they possibly do that! How selfish ! What about their friends and family....”

But as the OP says , depression robs you of all sense or perspective. It completely clouds your judgement. That’s the worst thing about it , because it can lead you to suicide. It’s a real, genuine mental illness. In case you have any doubts.

I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Not that I have one. Love yous all.

 

[iBeng]

It’s very easy to look at someone who self harms or commits suicide and say “How could they possibly do that! How selfish ! What about their friends and family....”

But as the OP says , depression robs you of all sense or perspective. It completely clouds your judgement. That’s the worst thing about it , because it can lead you to suicide. It’s a real, genuine mental illness. In case you have any doubts.

I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Not that I have one. Love yous all.

A lot of the time those activities are about taking back control as well. When someone hurts themselves, and my wife has done it in the past when we were both jobless (Dont worry shes OK with me discussing this) she did it almost subconsciously because it was something SHE could do. SHE controlled the pain. Often suicide is the ultimate finger to the universe and the creature in your head.

A good example is:

Teenager who was sexually assaulted multiple times ends her own life after requesting legal euthanasia

Noa Pothoven had been repeatedly re-admitted to hospital to try and treat her post traumatic stress disorder, depression and anorexia

www.independent.co.uk

Her experiences as a child were horrific. Utterly utterly evil and horrific. And she has had to use that experience to form herself. It will follow her around and she made the decision herself that she didnt want to live that life. Its tricky, because it sounds like letting this happen is promoting suicide, which isnt ideal, but no one can understand what she has lived through and lived with except her. Others would have experienced similar, but they would have dealt with the aftermath based on their experiences. Some would also end their life while others would push through.

 

[iBeng]

Ironically ive opened up my own pandoras box on this topic so Im probably going to post a few more things which, ironically, gives me anxiety. Anyway:

Something else my doctor brought to my attention was how modern society has warped one of humanities most important instincts: "Fight or Flight"

A lot of people forget that we are just animals. We have the same basic instincts:
1) Eat
2) Breed
3) Survive
Over time society has changed and we dont live in clans anymore. Once, your job would be: Breed, collect food or defend from predators. Once you couldnt do that or you died (20-25 range probably) you had served your purpose.

Now, our Fight or Flight response has two things it avoids:

Physical harm

Emotional harm.

Physical harm is where you avoid walking into things, you run at the sight of danger or choose to fight it, you aim to survive based on your self calculated odds.

EMOTIONAL harm however is a whole different kettle of fish. You cant OUT RUN it. If someone insults you, rejects you, makes you feel less than you are all you can do is ignore it and pretend it didnt happen. You cant flight from it completely. The Internet is the worse for this. Once you read something thats it. Its why people hate spoilers.

So now when kids hit that 12-15 age mark they enter the societal arena. Usually ill prepared because modern society isnt about raising kids anymore its about being able to AFFORD to raise kids. MONEY. So kids take on board EVERYTHING and while some can naturally ignore it and stroll through life others will bury it, feed it to their demon and use it as their label.

We have created a society that feeds our kids into a societal meat grinder. They are panicking about birth rates and people not having children, its because we CANT. Either we cant afford it or we dont have the mental capacity to deal with it thanks to our own upbringing. But thats another topic.

The best you can do is talk to people, try your best to equip your kids with the weapons they need to wade through a society that wont hold their hand unless they pay it to. But talk to people. Talk to your friends. Make sure they are ok. Hell, I dont like saying it but someones a beer or two can loosen a tongue and get you a proper look at whats dragging them into the abyss.

 

[September Action]

The difference between mental and other illness is we have less quantifiable ways of diagnosing or measuring it. There’s no blood test or CT scan. It makes it more difficult to accept as “real” in our check box based society. In addition, most of us have experienced physical disease or pain and can thus empathise. There’s a chasm in understanding between those who’ve suffered mental illness and those who have not.

Finally - and it’s tangential to the primary discussion - but drugs and alcoholism affect our ability to accept mental illness. It’s difficult to separate the two often; where does one start and the other end. (My personal opinion - only partially educated - is that we can’t really talk and/or tackle mental illness in an individual until an addiction issue is controlled.)

I’m loving the way AFL is creating a focus on mental health though. It may just end up the competition’s greatest legacy.

 

[gingernuts]

The difference between mental and other illness is we have less quantifiable ways of diagnosing or measuring it. There’s no blood test or CT scan. It makes it more difficult to accept as “real” in our check box based society. In addition, most of us have experienced physical disease or pain and can thus empathise. There’s a chasm in understanding between those who’ve suffered mental illness and those who have not.

Finally - and it’s tangential to the primary discussion - but drugs and alcoholism affect our ability to accept mental illness. It’s difficult to separate the two often; where does one start and the other end. (My personal opinion - only partially educated - is that we can’t really talk and/or tackle mental illness in an individual until an addiction issue is controlled.)

I’m loving the way AFL is creating a focus on mental health though. It may just end up the competition’s greatest legacy.

Long time sufferer. So is my alcohol addiction causing my mental health issues or is my mental health issue causing my alcohol addiction? I think the later?

 

[Wacko23Jacko]

Kudos.

And once you’ve identified it, it’s just as important to acknowledge it for what it is. It’s not something that you just “cure” or “wipe out” with a wonder cure or drug.

It’s all about management. A holistic approach is required, and everybody is different! There’s no cure-all or snake oil to “solve” mental health from a treatment perspective. Important to remember.

Those closest to me who have struggled with the same battles as all said the biggest change they made that got them to a healthier and happier place was changing their perspective from trying to “fix and solve” to trying to manage.

 

[September Action]

Long time sufferer. So is my alcohol addiction causing my mental health issues or is my mental health issue causing my alcohol addiction? I think the later?

Now - as I say, I’m only partially educated - a doctor, but not with particular expertise here.

It’s not necessarily about what causes what. But rather, there are two problems. Often associated. But it’s difficult/impossible to effectively manage mental illness when there is an active addiction issue.

 

[Socrates2]

Kudos.

And once you’ve identified it, it’s just as important to acknowledge it for what it is. It’s not something that you just “cure” or “wipe out” with a wonder cure or drug.

It’s all about management. A holistic approach is required, and everybody is different! There’s no cure-all or snake oil to “solve” mental health from a treatment perspective. Important to remember.

Those closest to me who have struggled with the same battles as all said the biggest change they made that got them to a healthier and happier place was changing their perspective from trying to “fix and solve” to trying to manage.

Totally agree. Two simple things like getting enough sleep and keeping hydrated can help. I find if I'm a bit hyped up and anxious I have poor sleep hygiene and don't drink enough water.Also nutrition is important to me. I feel better when I'm eating protein rich foods and fresh vegetables. A forced walk around the block when you don't feel like it is always good like an earlier poster said re gym.

 

[gingernuts]

Now - as I say, I’m only partially educated - a doctor, but not with particular expertise here.

It’s not necessarily about what causes what. But rather, there are two problems. Often associated. But it’s difficult/impossible to effectively manage mental illness when there is an active addiction issue.

Understand, thanks for that. I am sort of fine now but often think about days when I was at my worst 6 years ago. You lose all motivation and cannot function. I had a high powered job but I masked my issues by being the funny guy with "she'll be right mate" attitude. I eventually thought I seriously need help after an attempt to hurt myself. Friends and family all know what transpired and I talk about it a bit. Everyone says "you'd be the last person we would think to suffer in this way" because of my outgoing personality, but it was all a facade.

 

[iBeng]

Long time sufferer. So is my alcohol addiction causing my mental health issues or is my mental health issue causing my alcohol addiction? I think the later?

Would you be using the alcohol to COPE with the mental health problems you have? We all seek escapes from it, and alcohol is a cheap and easily accessible path to that.

My dad actually told me when I was 16 that if I was "Feeling down" just go buy a six pack and have a drink. Looking back now, that is just...disgusting fatherly advice.

My crutch to escape my issues is to play online gaming where I can be whatever I want to be: I have more control. Some choose more control some choose to let go of control.

 

[gingernuts]

Would you be using the alcohol to COPE with the mental health problems you have? We all seek escapes from it, and alcohol is a cheap and easily accessible path to that.

My dad actually told me when I was 16 that if I was "Feeling down" just go buy a six pack and have a drink. Looking back now, that is just...disgusting fatherly advice.

My crutch to escape my issues is to play online gaming where I can be whatever I want to be: I have more control. Some choose more control some choose to let go of control.

Probably, but then you wake up feeling worse.The cycle starts again. I am in control now and have never missed a days work etc but fook it is hard sometimes.

 

[Demontim275]

It’s a topic that is really hard to talk about for some. And I think a large group of people still make it hard.

I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety for about 15 years, and it still amazes me how much empathy people lack about it. Yesterday I was talking to a client and he said “stress and all that stuff are just in your head. They’re not real. So they’re not real problems. You just make them up”

I think the biggest thing is learning to help yourself. Slowly working through it, but I gave up footy due to it. Found work hard (I run my own business and it’s still tough in my industry. I have to be “on” and happy at all times). People don’t realise how it impacts just about every part of your life

I’ve stopped talking to most of my old mates, half due to their lack of care, half due to them getting angry at me ditching social functions. It is what it is

Good on you for opening up mate and all the best in your journey