Gotta be Albert
Vintage Bay Mofra's Bottom 50 - 2015 Edition
- Thread starter Mofra
- Start date
- Tagged users None
craffles
Brownlow Medallist
Happy to be proven wrong by dog's fans but he actually had a semi OK year. I was a bit surprised when he got delisted.
Dogs_R_Us
Space Traveller
Dogs fans a bit sorry to see him go. He was popular, if an enigma. It might have been a different story if he'd kicked those 2 clutch goals in the EF.
Bont2Bruce
At the Destination Club
- Mar 15, 2012
- 10,897
- 25,734
- AFL Club
- Western Bulldogs
- Other Teams
- Footscray, Melbourne City
He provided run from the wings but didn't kick enough goals (11 in 19 games) to cement his list spot. Wasn't very accurate in kicking for goal either across 2015 and on more than one occasion he couldn't kick a set shot when we needed it most. EF is most fresh in the memory, but there were other games with the same story.
When a better player (Suckling) for the same role presented during trade week, it was bye-bye Jarrad. He's had more than enough time on the list and had probably hit his performance ceiling.
A 2015 highlight for Jarrad was when he managed to 20 and 3 against Melbourne in round 20.
Kangaroos4eva
TheBrownDog
Veteran
North Melbourne - Bella Eddey and Vicki Wall Player Sponsor - Season 7
North Melbourne - 2023 Aaron Hall and Flynn Perez Player Sponsor
10k Posts
30k Posts
Chocolate
North Melbourne AFLW - 2021 Aileen Gilroy and Kaitlyn Ashmore Player Sponsor
North Melbourne - 2021 Taylor Garner and Flynn Perez Player Sponsor
Bottom 50 game is weak. Jumped the shark the minute it was revealed Tom Boyd isn't Number 1.
Time to reboot the concept. I suggest an Unaustralian Team of 22 players - the 50 thing is too laboured.
Time to reboot the concept. I suggest an Unaustralian Team of 22 players - the 50 thing is too laboured.
apparentlydead
Cancelled
He also hates orang-utans.
- Banned
- #2,609
apparentlydead
Cancelled
- Sep 19, 2006
- 48,113
- 50,688
- AFL Club
- North Melbourne
- Other Teams
- Rotor Volgograd, The Exers
Did slightly better this year. Would have been Fremantles best forward, certainly have less of a record.
Sir Hugh Percy
BigFooty Aristocrat
**** off, Bunk.
apparentlydead
Cancelled
You should try using the "create new thread" function and spending hours and hours coming up with creative and amusing entries. Please be sure to post a link to that thread here so we can come and show our appreciation for your efforts...
- Sep 19, 2006
- 48,113
- 50,688
- AFL Club
- North Melbourne
- Other Teams
- Rotor Volgograd, The Exers
Correct. My post however is wrong how.
Dewnior
Norm Smith Medallist
- Dec 22, 2007
- 9,665
- 17,305
- AFL Club
- Hawthorn
apparentlydead
Cancelled
What's Duritz done now??
Mofra
Moderator
- Dec 6, 2005
- 67,099
- 198,389
- AFL Club
- Western Bulldogs
- Other Teams
- Footscray, Coney Island Warriors
- Thread starter
- Moderator
- #2,619
#1 - Luke Hodge
Nah but it would be worth it for the melts.
#1 - Colin Sylvia
Pictured: Colin Sylvia playing for Merbein. This year. Seriously.
Folks, there is your standard level of failure that is characterised by, say not making the finals. There is "out of the ordinary" failure which can be summarized by, say, perennially finishing ninth, and then finally finishing 5th when the 8th team is disqualified and the team that finished ninth beats you in a final, in between their multitude of wooden spoons.
Then there is a level of failure so spectacular that it even eclipses that time the Australian Army fought a war against emus... and lost.
Pictured: A long legged, big booty bird with big breasts who likes the outdoors type
This year, that level of failure is characterised by one man. Colin. Colin Sylvia.
It takes a super-human level of shitness to actually be so naturally talented yet not even make it through pre-season. Then to pull the pin on your season at the "barely second grade" level despite being a high profile FA signing. Then barely make an impact for a small country town's football team. But first, let us take a step back.
Colin Sylvia was a former pick #3 by the Demons, whose draft history in recent times has them screwing more teenagers than One Direction. After an uninspiring 157 game career of downhill skiing and off field issues, Fremantle - deciding they need more forwardline power in 2013, thankfully they've fixed that now - sign Colin Sylvia for 3 years on a 7 figure deal.
The result? 6 games in 2014 for 1 goal, after he turns up to pre-season training at the end of 2013 and runs with the back-markers.
After a disastrous 2014, Ross Lyon would have been expecting big things from Col. He'd turn up, right the wrongs, play his part and give Pav a premiership send off that he so richly deserves. Oh how wrong they were.
Fremantle should have known what they were getting. A bloke who actually had to be told by a magistrate to not kick his girlfriend - fortunately, those days are behind her as she now cunningly disguises herself as a football whenever she's in Col's presence.
A guy who rocked up to the 2014 B&F count drunker than Fev with a microphone and was told to "go home because um illness" by Freo officials. A guy that would turn up to a press conference looking like this:
Anyway Col's WAFL form tells the tale of his 2015 beset by more low points than Nick Maxwell standing on a ladder.
Pictured: Redtube induction day can be a confronting experience
After being banished from even training with Freo after rocking up from post-season break looking like a weight watchers before photo, Col averaged 12 disposals in the WAFL over his three games for Peel and kicked one solitary goal before pulling the pin and heading to the vast metropolis of Merbein. It's apparently the northernmost town in Victoria and one time home to everyone's favourite AOTY Adam "booo-urns" Goodes and Essendon's most successful coach this century, Matthew Knights.
So he's gone from high-profile free-agency signing ready to make a mark in his second year of a 3 year deal (what is it with spuds getting 3 year deals?), to "not in acceptable condition to train with Freo", to "not good enough for Peel Thunder" which is one of the worst performing football teams in Australia, to playing on dusty paddock in the Sunraysia region for a town whose greatest achievement is hosting an annual vanilla slice competition.
Pictured: Less vanilla than Colin's on-field career
This is a fall from grace not seen since Charlie Sheen went from A-list celebrity to a statistic demonstrating that HIV can effect one out of two and a half men. At this rate in 2016 Colin will either be giving handjobs for fake oxycontin behind a Newell Highway truckstop, become a BigFooty Mod or - even worse - sign on as a delisted free agent for Carlton.
Col, thanks for the memoriesgood and bad, good luck with the next phase of your life which we all hope does not include prison. Thank you for rounding off this year's Bottom 50.
Nah but it would be worth it for the melts.
#1 - Colin Sylvia
Pictured: Colin Sylvia playing for Merbein. This year. Seriously.
Folks, there is your standard level of failure that is characterised by, say not making the finals. There is "out of the ordinary" failure which can be summarized by, say, perennially finishing ninth, and then finally finishing 5th when the 8th team is disqualified and the team that finished ninth beats you in a final, in between their multitude of wooden spoons.
Then there is a level of failure so spectacular that it even eclipses that time the Australian Army fought a war against emus... and lost.
Pictured: A long legged, big booty bird with big breasts who likes the outdoors type
This year, that level of failure is characterised by one man. Colin. Colin Sylvia.
It takes a super-human level of shitness to actually be so naturally talented yet not even make it through pre-season. Then to pull the pin on your season at the "barely second grade" level despite being a high profile FA signing. Then barely make an impact for a small country town's football team. But first, let us take a step back.
Colin Sylvia was a former pick #3 by the Demons, whose draft history in recent times has them screwing more teenagers than One Direction. After an uninspiring 157 game career of downhill skiing and off field issues, Fremantle - deciding they need more forwardline power in 2013, thankfully they've fixed that now - sign Colin Sylvia for 3 years on a 7 figure deal.
The result? 6 games in 2014 for 1 goal, after he turns up to pre-season training at the end of 2013 and runs with the back-markers.
After a disastrous 2014, Ross Lyon would have been expecting big things from Col. He'd turn up, right the wrongs, play his part and give Pav a premiership send off that he so richly deserves. Oh how wrong they were.
Fremantle should have known what they were getting. A bloke who actually had to be told by a magistrate to not kick his girlfriend - fortunately, those days are behind her as she now cunningly disguises herself as a football whenever she's in Col's presence.
A guy who rocked up to the 2014 B&F count drunker than Fev with a microphone and was told to "go home because um illness" by Freo officials. A guy that would turn up to a press conference looking like this:
Anyway Col's WAFL form tells the tale of his 2015 beset by more low points than Nick Maxwell standing on a ladder.
Pictured: Redtube induction day can be a confronting experience
After being banished from even training with Freo after rocking up from post-season break looking like a weight watchers before photo, Col averaged 12 disposals in the WAFL over his three games for Peel and kicked one solitary goal before pulling the pin and heading to the vast metropolis of Merbein. It's apparently the northernmost town in Victoria and one time home to everyone's favourite AOTY Adam "booo-urns" Goodes and Essendon's most successful coach this century, Matthew Knights.
So he's gone from high-profile free-agency signing ready to make a mark in his second year of a 3 year deal (what is it with spuds getting 3 year deals?), to "not in acceptable condition to train with Freo", to "not good enough for Peel Thunder" which is one of the worst performing football teams in Australia, to playing on dusty paddock in the Sunraysia region for a town whose greatest achievement is hosting an annual vanilla slice competition.
Pictured: Less vanilla than Colin's on-field career
This is a fall from grace not seen since Charlie Sheen went from A-list celebrity to a statistic demonstrating that HIV can effect one out of two and a half men. At this rate in 2016 Colin will either be giving handjobs for fake oxycontin behind a Newell Highway truckstop, become a BigFooty Mod or - even worse - sign on as a delisted free agent for Carlton.
Col, thanks for the memories
All I took from that post is that I really want a vanilla slice now.
Frankston Rover
Academy Award Winner
- Nov 25, 2005
- 33,501
- 42,539
- AFL Club
- Hawthorn
- Other Teams
- Packers-Spurs-Melbourne City
apparentlydead
Cancelled
Yeah, I got nuthin
You campaigner Mof.
You campaigner Mof.
#1 - Luke Hodge
Nah but it would be worth it for the melts.
#1 - Colin Sylvia
Pictured: Colin Sylvia playing for Merbein. This year. Seriously.
Folks, there is your standard level of failure that is characterised by, say not making the finals. There is "out of the ordinary" failure which can be summarized by, say, perennially finishing ninth, and then finally finishing 5th when the 8th team is disqualified and the team that finished ninth beats you in a final, in between their multitude of wooden spoons.
Then there is a level of failure so spectacular that it even eclipses that time the Australian Army fought a war against emus... and lost.
Pictured: A long legged, big booty bird with big breasts who likes the outdoors type
This year, that level of failure is characterised by one man. Colin. Colin Sylvia.
It takes a super-human level of shitness to actually be so naturally talented yet not even make it through pre-season. Then to pull the pin on your season at the "barely second grade" level despite being a high profile FA signing. Then barely make an impact for a small country town's football team. But first, let us take a step back.
Colin Sylvia was a former pick #3 by the Demons, whose draft history in recent times has them screwing more teenagers than One Direction. After an uninspiring 157 game career of downhill skiing and off field issues, Fremantle - deciding they need more forwardline power in 2013, thankfully they've fixed that now - sign Colin Sylvia for 3 years on a 7 figure deal.
The result? 6 games in 2014 for 1 goal, after he turns up to pre-season training at the end of 2013 and runs with the back-markers.
After a disastrous 2014, Ross Lyon would have been expecting big things from Col. He'd turn up, right the wrongs, play his part and give Pav a premiership send off that he so richly deserves. Oh how wrong they were.
Fremantle should have known what they were getting. A bloke who actually had to be told by a magistrate to not kick his girlfriend - fortunately, those days are behind her as she now cunningly disguises herself as a football whenever she's in Col's presence.
A guy who rocked up to the 2014 B&F count drunker than Fev with a microphone and was told to "go home because um illness" by Freo officials. A guy that would turn up to a press conference looking like this:
Anyway Col's WAFL form tells the tale of his 2015 beset by more low points than Nick Maxwell standing on a ladder.
Pictured: Redtube induction day can be a confronting experience
After being banished from even training with Freo after rocking up from post-season break looking like a weight watchers before photo, Col averaged 12 disposals in the WAFL over his three games for Peel and kicked one solitary goal before pulling the pin and heading to the vast metropolis of Merbein. It's apparently the northernmost town in Victoria and one time home to everyone's favourite AOTY Adam "booo-urns" Goodes and Essendon's most successful coach this century, Matthew Knights.
So he's gone from high-profile free-agency signing ready to make a mark in his second year of a 3 year deal (what is it with spuds getting 3 year deals?), to "not in acceptable condition to train with Freo", to "not good enough for Peel Thunder" which is one of the worst performing football teams in Australia, to playing on dusty paddock in the Sunraysia region for a town whose greatest achievement is hosting an annual vanilla slice competition.
View attachment 197213
Pictured: Less vanilla than Colin's on-field career
This is a fall from grace not seen since Charlie Sheen went from A-list celebrity to a statistic demonstrating that HIV can effect one out of two and a half men. At this rate in 2016 Colin will either be giving handjobs for fake oxycontin behind a Newell Highway truckstop, become a BigFooty Mod or - even worse - sign on as a delisted free agent for Carlton.
Col, thanks for the memoriesgood andbad, good luck with the next phase of your life which we all hope does not include prison. Thank you for rounding off this year's Bottom 50.
Like my wife says after I've finished doing my version of greko Roman wrestling on top of her for 37 seconds....... "Well, That was a bit of a let down....."
Starburns_
Moderator
- Mar 30, 2011
- 49,590
- 96,690
- AFL Club
- Richmond
- Other Teams
- Colts, Stars, The Exers
- Moderator
- #2,625
Someone asked earlier what the point of Sylvia being #1 would be because it was all said last year. It's moments like Freo fixing their forward troubles, Essendon's most successful coach this century, and "one out of 2 and a half men" that really make it.
Cheer's for another excellent Bottom 50 Mofra, f***ing brilliant.
