Vintage Bay Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2018

[FreoRicci]

Player #2 - Paddy McCartin

Pictured (in David Attenborough voice): The natural habitat of the McCartin, dropping a mark at VFL level

Patrick McCartin is a former no#1 draft pick who plays for St Kilda who have a proud history of (weird looking) KPFs. Riewoldt, Hall, Plugger, Gehrig, Cowboy Neale, etc. It's extremely unlikely that 'Gappy' adds to this list despite meeting the 'weird looking' requirement.

Now it needs to be said Paddy has had a few challenges along the way, and I don't just mean the irresistible midnight call of the fridge.
He has diabetes (like GWS' Sam Reid and Dale Weightman), a large gap between his teeth and let's face it in past years he's copped more concussions than an NRL player's wife.
None of that matters when the guy wants to play a stay at home full forward role in the modern era where's it's basically a non-existent role.

First of all, he's got a solid build for an amateur wrestler but AFL is a running sport. Modern players are expected to run, dummy run, guard space (Nick Maxwell was ahead of his time!), and as a forward you need to lead. Gappy can lead - once. Sometimes twice. But he's no Nick Riewoldt (who'd want to see him naked anyway). On top of this he has the turning circle of a BHP iron ore train. But that's not his biggest problem either.

'Mattress Guts' (as he's known at VFL level) reacts to the play rather than makes it. Unless he's delivered the ball on a platter he just doesn't get near it. He did manage to get 13 games this year because... St Kilda (there's nobody else) but he's like the 7th person in an orgy, just making up the numbers. True story. He also tends to fumble under pressure which is... alright, no more orgy stories.

It just wasn't a great pick all round and reeks of St Kilda panicking and taking a KPF because their value is high rather than taking the best available player at pick 1. With Riewoldt they're batting at 50% with no 1 picks in recent history: Even Carlton have nailed more no 1 picks this century and the Washington Generals send them sympathy cards each festive season.

Of course, we could just take St Kilda fans' opinion into account too:






PS - this year he kicked 12 goals 17 behinds, so he clearly shares the same goal kicking coach that Jack Billings does down at Seaford/Moorabbin/Revs. That's an accuracy rate of 41.4% which is also happens to be the ATAR of Ms Duthie.

Pictured: Well if you didn't want us to know your ATAR you shouldn't have left your laptop open.
PS get used to that word - laptop. It might come in handy, career wise

Just to rub further salt into the wounds, his younger brother Tom has been drafted by the Swans and despite being four years younger has already overtaken him. Don't you hate it when a younger sibling is doing better than you?

Pictured: A clash hotly anticipated by hundreds of fans each season: The concession sessions

Paddy, Gappy, Mattress Guts. Sorry to hear Max King is on the list now, he looks a gun. And Josh Battle looks promising too. Enjoy the festive season and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2018.

More concussions that a NRL player’s wife.. good lord. Gold.

 

[FreoRicci]

Player #1 - Tom Boyd

Pictured: Tom Boyd celebrates making Brian Taylor swear on MMM

In the end, there could be only one. The one. The man, the myth, the legend himself.

This summary could be very short and simple: the Bulldogs this year had statistically the worst forward 50 efficiency coupled with statistically the worst ruck division in the competition, and Tom Boyd is a million dollar ruck/forward. Putting everything into the Mofrometer in a variety of ways still led to Tom being the unanimous choice as the no 1 player this year.

Yes I am aware he was fantastic at the end of 2016, but this is the 2018 Bottom 50. Past exploits are no guarantee of future (or current) performance in a sporting theory known as 'the Mundine principle'.

Tom went at half a goal per game and 17 hit outs on average this year, coupled with roughly 7 effective disposals per game with a disposal efficiency below 65%. He managed 10 scoring shots in total for the year at 200cm and 103kgs. His metres gained average this year was 165m - most cups of luke-warm mid strength beer at Etihad travel further per game.
As a ruckman he was 'an honest battler' and as a forward he was 'looking like a resting ruckman' which might be ok for a 20 year old off the rookie list but this was a consensus pick #1 picked just ahead of Josh Kelly at 2 and Marcus Bontempelli at pick 4.
He did have the good sense to wait only 12 months prior to getting the hell out of Western Sydney (unlike half of Carlton's list that wait a few years) but even then he cost pick 6 and a former pick 3 who was also the club captain and the third best in his team player according to B&F results.
Tellingly, only a few days earlier the Giants declared he would "not be traded under any circumstances" which was about a believable as a St Kilda player saying "we'll just cuddle, I swear". That u-turn was sadly a faster change of direction than anything Tom's shown in the past 2 years.

He's also taken only 20 contested marks in the past two years despite being a man mountain and the theories on this are numerous. One of those theories talked about at length on the Bulldogs board is the small size of his hands relative to his height (seriously). This Trump theory makes sense when you consider he also is overpaid and was once orange. You know what they say - smal hands smlal... gloves. Apologies for the typos, somteimes it's hrad to type proprely with my massive hands.

Gary Lyon, the 'Wayne Carey' of the commentary world, described Boyd as extremely disappointing this year citing his lack of presence in contests. It's true given Boyd this year was overtaken by Schache who was a last minute, 2nd & 3rd rounder trade at the end of 2017 after two unproductive years at Brisbane. Schache is also two years younger than Tom and covers more ground as a forward.

Tom has done some fantastic work this year in the mental health sphere and by all accounts is a thoughtful young man, a deep thinker who is considerate of others which is almost a shame as the best tall forwards appear to be self-absorbed glory hunters with egos bigger than Vihrat Kohli on a coke bender. I'm sure being under constant scrutiny would be a little of an ego-killer but seriously Tom you're 200cm, built like a bricksh....elter, you're considered good looking by female Bulldog fans...

... relatively, you're wealthy, can surf and unusually for many footballers can string a sentence together. CRASH A BLOODY PACK WITH YOUR KNEE OUT YOU BASTARD, YOU CAN DO IT JUST BLOODY DO IT!!!

Anyway Tom you will always be a hero to Bulldog fans for your 2016 exploits and a hero to the fans of 17 other teams as they don't have your massive contract on their books (even though North could afford you, given their 'war chest' and all).
Thank you for everything and thank you for rounding out this years' Bottom 50.

Tellingly, only a few days earlier the Giants declared he would "not be traded under any circumstances" which was about a believable as a St Kilda player saying "we'll just cuddle, I swear"

Sheeesh. Mofra. You’ve done it again

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

Surprised Nathan Freeman didn’t make the list.

Former Collingwood pick 10 from the 2013 draft who after two seasons of playing a total gamecount of ...

... hang on, let me look in the mirror to use my teeth to count them ...

... zero, got traded to St Kilda on a reportedly $300k per year for three years. St Kilda fans were oh-so chuffed at the time. LOL

Finally in 2018, his fifth AFL season, he debuted and played the sum total of two games late season before being rather unceremoniously delisted.

This came as quite a surprise to many because he’d won the 20m sprint at his draft camp back in 2013 ...

... and with two games in 5 seasons between Collingwood (back when they were crap) and St Kilda (also when they were - oh, never mind) ... the lad clearly hadn’t been given a decent chance. “Ah, but he had hamstring injuries” will be the cry - but just like the Christmas Day spread there eventually comes a time when all that’s left of the ham-off-the-bone are shredded bits of fat and rind.

There were rumors that the Suns made enquiries about him this trade period for a role selling footy records on gameday but the Suns quickly pulled themselves together, found their self respect and went off to find somebody who would love them back. And thus the velvet curtains finally came down on Freeman’s illustrious career where he ended up one of the league’s highest paid players at around $550K per game over his extensive career (As an aside, that would have to be some kind of record, surely?)

Nathan Freeman, maybe you’re not bottomly enough for Mofra ...

... but as the lad who got paid a motsa for doing bugger all, you’ll always be a Certified Legend to us folks on the Collingwood board.

20 game minimum, otherwise he'd be a shoe in.

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

Wait......Goddard didn't make the list?

 

[Captain_Bender]

Surely Tex should have been on this list

 

[76woodenspooners]

20 game minimum, otherwise he'd be a shoe in.

By-law #2 ...

- Players with less than 20 games in total are excluded, although there is occasiobnally an allowance given for extraordinary spudness in the face of battle - especially for players who have spent extra time in the AFL environment and/or were first round picks.

 

[PerfectFooty]

Disappointed that Zac Smith didn't make it on this list. One Geelong fan argued to me in 2016 that he was a better ruckman than Gawn. Dropped after round 1 this year, played 8 and 9 then was never heard from again. Even with limited options they still picked Abbott over him for the elimination final. Dude is the Jack Watts of ruckmen

 

[Schulzenfest]

Surely Tex Walker and Brendon Goddard could've gotten in over a couple of those no-name Bulldog spuds in the 40's. Who or what is a Lukas Webb?

 

[Mofra]

20 game minimum, otherwise he'd be a shoe in.

This

 

[WillHayward]

How are Boak and Wingard spuds?

Boak is plain embarrassing when I watch Port.
Just a crab. Was cooked 3 years ago.
Wingard has been s**t for 2 years.
Why do you think he left? He knew he was going backwards at Port and went to the Hawks to stop his decline and get better.

 

[WillHayward]

about as believable as a St Kilda player saying "we'll just cuddle, I swear"

 

[juice t]

Thoroughly deserved for being very s**t.

Also for having the worst beard in 2018 across the AFL.

He looks like a descendant of Rasputin

 

[AlecDuncan]

God’s work Mofra. God’s work.

 

[WillHayward]

God’s work Mofra. God’s work.

Hear hear.

Well played Mof.

An essential part of Xmas.

 

[____]

Nice work Mofra, most of the good melts have been on the BigFooty facebook page this year.

Ryan for example is not happy with Billings being on the list
View attachment 598251


Scott finds Swimming and **** offensive

View attachment 598252

Not sure if Alex is for or against Daniher here?


View attachment 598254

Some Weagle Gaffe's

View attachment 598255

Alex again, coming to Gary Rohan's defence... I think?
View attachment 598256


Twitter only has one melt re Daniher.

Not sure Dylan understands what a snap shot is?


View attachment 598258

I haven't had an alias on here since tap my scully got booted but had a mate talk me into making a troll account on facebook for a group and I couldn't believe how easy it was to get bites on facebook

 

[Mundusa]

Boak is plain embarrassing when I watch Port.
Just a crab. Was cooked 3 years ago.
Wingard has been s**t for 2 years.
Why do you think he left? Hew knew he was going backwards at Port and went to the Hawks to stop his decline and get better.

You obviously don't watch many port games.

 

[NSWCROW]

Mofra

 

[evo]

Always a good read.

Although disapointed Taylah couldnt get a gig.

 

[Sainter3and7]

Thanks very much for sharing your wit and good humour with us again Mofra . I always enjoy your bottom 50 eveyr year - in fact, it's the first thing I look forward to during the off-season, and I really appreciate the effort you put into it. THANK YOU! I hope you and yours have a great Christmas and a wonderful 2019.

 

[SaintsSeptember]

Surprised Nathan Freeman didn’t make the list.

Former Collingwood pick 10 from the 2013 draft who after two seasons of playing a total gamecount of ...

... hang on, let me look in the mirror to use my teeth to count them ...

... zero, got traded to St Kilda on a reportedly $300k per year for three years. St Kilda fans were oh-so chuffed at the time. LOL

Finally in 2018, his fifth AFL season, he debuted and played the sum total of two games late season before being rather unceremoniously delisted.

This came as quite a surprise to many because he’d won the 20m sprint at his draft camp back in 2013 ...

... and with two games in 5 seasons between Collingwood (back when they were crap) and St Kilda (also when they were - oh, never mind) ... the lad clearly hadn’t been given a decent chance. “Ah, but he had hamstring injuries” will be the cry - but just like the Christmas Day spread there eventually comes a time when all that’s left of the ham-off-the-bone are shredded bits of fat and rind.

There were rumors that the Suns made enquiries about him this trade period for a role selling footy records on gameday but the Suns quickly pulled themselves together, found their self respect and went off to find somebody who would love them back. And thus the velvet curtains finally came down on Freeman’s illustrious career where he ended up one of the league’s highest paid players at around $550K per game over his extensive career (As an aside, that would have to be some kind of record, surely?)

Nathan Freeman, maybe you’re not bottomly enough for Mofra ...

... but as the lad who got paid a motsa for doing bugger all, you’ll always be a Certified Legend to us folks on the Collingwood board.

Only a Collingwood supporter would be surprised.

 

[SaintsSeptember]

I have hopes for Paddy now, if he can spud it up for another season then win the Premiership he's a lock for number one next season.

 

[SaintsSeptember]

20 game minimum, otherwise he'd be a shoe in.

If it wasn't for the 20 game minimum it would be 20 kids no-one had heard of.

 

[leobarryustar]

Putting everything into the Mofrometer in a variety of ways

Can I get your au pair’s phone number pls thx

 

[Two Eyes]

“Pictured: Well if you didn't want us to know your ATAR you shouldn't have left your laptop open.”

It’s the throwaway lines like this that make me so look forward to Mofra’s top 50 each year.

Awesome work mate, you and your massively oversized hands can take a well earned break.

 

[Funk]

Fun fact, my ex used to call her special place her honey church. Good times.

I guess you were a "busy bee"...........