Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2020

Remove this Banner Ad

Larry Barnsworth

Tiny Scotch Vovo
Mar 11, 2018
3,828
5,315
AFL Club
Hawthorn
Player #19 - Josh Schache
View attachment 1015266
Pictured: Josh is upset to learn that unlike Bevo, he doesn't have a second set of eyes on his neck

Josh Schache is KPF-sized forward flanker with the consistency of a small forward.

Drafted at pick #2 by the Brisbane Lions, he famously requested a trade back to his home state of Victoria at the end of 2017 despite having signed a contract months earlier. To the Lions. The team he supported as a kid. Where his dad Laurence played.

A last minute trade-in to the Bulldogs, he was wary of being a Bulldogs tall forward which in recent years has been a list of players about as prestigious as "most beautiful Ibis", "most thought-provoking Lara Bingle quote" or "best Essendon finals performance of the last 16 years".
The old saying used to be "you're not a washed-up forward until you've played full-forward for Footscray" and sadly, Schache seems to be fulfilling this prophecy. At age 23.

After a promising 24 goals from 17 games last year where he kicked 3 or more goals five times, 2020 just wasn't Schak's year. With Josh Bruce being unable to be shifted from the team (or most places really) Schache managed 2 games, 2 goals, no tackles and 2 clangers. His second game was particularly sad where he managed 2 disposals an no goals, spending a fair chunk of the time on the pine with no discernible injury. He then played a few scratch games and ended the year with an uncertain future.

The main problem is that people expect him to play like a KPF because he's 199cm tall, but he plays more like an outside flanker if there is such a thing. He's more put-off by body contact than Mike Pence and has the contested marking ability of a jellyfish, as this documentary demonstrates:

All this means that Josh covers more ground than most players in the comp but with congested forwardlines and zone defences that effort is often as redundant as the Pope's penis. His lack of contest led the bulldogs to chase Josh Bruce last year to provide support for Aaron Naughton which meant Schache slid further down the pecking order, despite the Bulldogs saying all summer that three talls could work in the forwardline. Three good talls can work in the forwardline but as Confucious once said about tall forwards, If you're not a contested mark then you're not a marking, um, sh*t I think I have the wrong guy. Which is what the Bulldogs are now saying.

Fun fact: Josh Schache won the Larke Medal in 2015. Other winners include Sam Walsh, Christian Petracca, Dom Sheed, Lachie Whitfield and Jack Watts. I'm not sure what Josh' opinion on tits and swimming is, but his last voicemail message to me read: Om-nom-nom-nom *splash*

Josh, Schack, "Shack-Attack". Good luck for next year and for 2022, as well all know AFL player contracts are sacrosanct. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2020.
What is the Pope pissing out of these days, Mofra?
 

(Log in to remove this ad.)

TheInjuryFactory

Upper Murray Defense League
Aug 25, 2011
13,116
39,821
Perth
AFL Club
Fremantle
Other Teams
Coney Island Warriors, SFFC, Hajduk
That’s Fremantle champion Travis Colyer whose feet go quicker than his brain.


Not so fast.
 

Spiritof82

Club Legend
Jan 8, 2004
2,527
1,575
S**tny, the cesspit of OZ
AFL Club
Western Bulldogs
Other Teams
Footscray
Given Schache made the list after only playing 2 games Franklin must be a shoe in for another top 5 place and a double life membership in the Bottom 50 for his year of drawing a significant wage while sitting at the pub on the piss all season while thinking up mystery injuries and illnesses.
 

Starburns_

Super Moderator
Mar 30, 2011
48,855
94,497
Out searching for Pokemon
AFL Club
Richmond
Other Teams
Colts, Stars, The Exers
Given Schache made the list after only playing 2 games Franklin must be a shoe in for another top 5 place and a double life membership in the Bottom 50 for his year of drawing a significant wage while sitting at the pub on the piss all season while thinking up mystery injuries and illnesses.
Between Buddy and Beams surely only 1 can be at the pointy end after not playing a game. Would much prefer to see Beams there.
 

(Log in to remove this ad.)

HAPPY BUDDHA

WA - Best Beaches in Australia
Oct 2, 2018
8,142
11,887
Scarborough
AFL Club
West Coast
Other Teams
East Perth Royals
Between Buddy and Beams surely only 1 can be at the pointy end after not playing a game. Would much prefer to see Beams there.
I don’t mind Buddy actually, pure lad enjoying life, getting it done his way & does not GAF about his critics. 🤣👍

Total rock star.
 

Stan_Darsh72

100% Hemp
Jun 18, 2011
34,513
54,270
Flying On A Prawn
AFL Club
St Kilda
Other Teams
Man Utd, NE Pats
Given Schache made the list after only playing 2 games Franklin must be a shoe in for another top 5 place and a double life membership in the Bottom 50 for his year of drawing a significant wage while sitting at the pub on the piss all season while thinking up mystery injuries and illnesses.
In fairness to Buddy, we would all do the same.

And also you forgot doing blow and supermodels as well.

Bloke has done well for himself
 

Remove this Banner Ad

Remove this Banner Ad