Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2021

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Mofra

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Dec 6, 2005
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Hello Bay,

2021 sucks. For ~50 AFL players, it's about to suck ever so slightly more.
For those of you unfamiliar with the concept of the Bottom 50, google "celebrity roasts" then lower your expectations. Here we payout a bunch of individuals who all have achieved more than any of us ever will on a sporting field because it's still ok to 'punch up'. Melting here is not denigrated but actually encouraged. Crowd participation is also highly encouraged.

The rules
- My listings are final. If you disagree with me, you are wrong.
- Players with less than 20 games in total are excluded, although there is occasionally an allowance given for extraordinary spudness in the face of battle - especially for players who have spent extra time in the AFL environment and/or were first round picks.
- Players who have not played a senior game this year are excluded.
- Weightings have been granted for those who are over-rated, over paid, divers, are noted squibs and/or are generally annoying.
- This list includes weightings for off-field incidents
- Lifetime achievement awarded players are excluded, as they have given us so much joy already

The List:
#50 - Scott Pendlebury
#49 - Tim O'Brien
#48 - Lochie O'Brien
#47 - Alex Sexton
#46 - Tim English
#45 - Matt Parker
#44 - Callum L Brown
#43 - Reece Conca
#42 - Sam Reid
#41 - Mitch Wallis
#40 - Rhy Mathieson
 
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Mofra

Moderator
Dec 6, 2005
54,475
153,820
Footscray
AFL Club
Western Bulldogs
Other Teams
Footscray, Coney Island Warriors
Player #50 - Scott Pendlebury
1629933664965.png

Pictured: Scott Pendlebury during every crisis at Collingwood in the past 12 months

Wait, what? I know Mofra has jumped the shark a few times this year (paid nude modelling, preemptively starting top of the ladder Bulldog threads, believing scientists when it comes to science) but starting this list with arguably Collingwood's greatest ever player?

Don't you know he's 'silky'? A smooth mover? Time slows down when he has the ball, like the last five minutes of a meeting when that annoying guy puts his hand up straight away when the presenter asks if there are any questions?

Well let me remind you he is (apparently) Collingwood's captain and when it comes to hide and seek he makes Anne Frank look like an amateur.

Let us take a step back to late 2020. Collingwood were in crisis, Ned Guy (who clearly lied on his resume and presumably miss-spelled resume) has screwed up their salary cap so badly that Nathan Buckley turned up to exit interviews with a baseball bat, electrodes and (foreshadowing) no wife.
Nathan lies by telling Adam Treloar that his teammates don't like him and don't want to play with him. He's forced out of the club with Collingwood agreeing to pay $300k x 5 years for Treloar to play elsewhere. It's messy. Tom Philips is also let go for peanuts, and Jayden "Fraser Anning is my hero" Stephenson is traded to North for a second round pick. This gives us the best info graphic of the year:

1629934199761.png

And here is Pendles' response:

Ditto when Bucks decided that chasing Insta-wannabees was more important than coaching.
Ditto when Collingwood's season went down the toilet.
Ditto when Collingwood were exposed as dirty dirty racists and their only voice of support was (presumably) Tex Walker

In fact, when you consider the leadership of Pendlebury this year you should be expressing surprise when he remembers to toss the coin before the game. He's all icing, no cake - or in terms Collingwood fans can understand, he's all eye holes and no hood.
Taking into account the short quarters last year he's well down on input on field as well, with the exception of clangers.

The year wasn't a total write off though. At least he got to see good friend Patty Mills win a bronze medal at the Olympics this year, no doubt inspired by Pendles' uplifting speech just before the game:

Of course, he then considered going to another club on a Sam Mitchell-type deal then backflipped when Collingwood supporters en masses remembered their social media passwords. Ta da.

Fun fact: Pendlebury actually played less basketball as a junior than the total amount of time commentators have wasted on telling people he played basketball as a junior.

Pendles, if you do ever try to hunt me down I'll protect myself by telling you I'm a journalist and watching you run away (wow, he retreated but it was really smooth). Thank you for kicking off the Bottom 50 for 2021.
 

ChappyUK

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Sep 12, 2011
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Player #50 - Scott Pendlebury
View attachment 1217038
Pictured: Scott Pendlebury during every crisis at Collingwood in the past 12 months

Wait, what? I know Mofra has jumped the shark a few times this year (paid nude modelling, preemptively starting top of the ladder Bulldog threads, believing scientists when it comes to science) but starting this list with arguably Collingwood's greatest ever player?

Don't you know he's 'silky'? A smooth mover? Time slows down when he has the ball, like the last five minutes of a meeting when that annoying guy puts his hand up straight away when the presenter asks if there are any questions?

Well let me remind you he is (apparently) Collingwood's captain and when it comes to hide and seek he makes Anne Frank look like an amateur.

Let us take a step back to late 2020. Collingwood were in crisis, Ned Guy (who clearly lied on his resume and presumably miss-spelled resume) has screwed up their salary cap so badly that Nathan Buckley turned up to exit interviews with a baseball bat, electrodes and (foreshadowing) no wife.
Nathan lies by telling Adam Treloar that his teammates don't like him and don't want to play with him. He's forced out of the club with Collingwood agreeing to pay $300k x 5 years for Treloar to play elsewhere. It's messy. Tom Philips is also let go for peanuts, and Jayden "Fraser Anning is my hero" Stephenson is traded to North for a second round pick. This gives us the best info graphic of the year:

View attachment 1217046
And here is Pendles' response:

Ditto when Bucks decided that chasing Insta-wannabees was more important than coaching.
Ditto when Collingwood's season went down the toilet.
Ditto when Collingwood were exposed as dirty dirty racists and their only voice of support was (presumably) Tex Walker

In fact, when you consider the leadership of Pendlebury this year you should be expressing surprise when he remembers to toss the coin before the game. He's all icing, no cake - or in terms Collingwood fans can understand, he's all eye holes and no hood.
Taking into account the short quarters last year he's well down on input on field as well, with the exception of clangers.

The year wasn't a total write off though. At least he got to see good friend Patty Mills win a bronze medal at the Olympics this year, no doubt inspired by Pendles' uplifting speech just before the game:

Of course, he then considered going to another club on a Sam Mitchell-type deal then backflipped when Collingwood supporters en masses remembered their social media passwords. Ta da.

Fun fact: Pendlebury actually played less basketball as a junior than the total amount of time commentators have wasted on telling people he played basketball as a junior.

Pendles, if you do ever try to hunt me down I'll protect myself by telling you I'm a journalist and watching you run away (wow, he retreated but it was really smooth). Thank you for kicking off the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Definite potential.
 

MAXIMUM GAWNAGE

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Jan 7, 2010
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Outstanding start to the Bottom 50!
Subscribed.
Player #50 - Scott Pendlebury
View attachment 1217038
Pictured: Scott Pendlebury during every crisis at Collingwood in the past 12 months

Wait, what? I know Mofra has jumped the shark a few times this year (paid nude modelling, preemptively starting top of the ladder Bulldog threads, believing scientists when it comes to science) but starting this list with arguably Collingwood's greatest ever player?

Don't you know he's 'silky'? A smooth mover? Time slows down when he has the ball, like the last five minutes of a meeting when that annoying guy puts his hand up straight away when the presenter asks if there are any questions?

Well let me remind you he is (apparently) Collingwood's captain and when it comes to hide and seek he makes Anne Frank look like an amateur.

Let us take a step back to late 2020. Collingwood were in crisis, Ned Guy (who clearly lied on his resume and presumably miss-spelled resume) has screwed up their salary cap so badly that Nathan Buckley turned up to exit interviews with a baseball bat, electrodes and (foreshadowing) no wife.
Nathan lies by telling Adam Treloar that his teammates don't like him and don't want to play with him. He's forced out of the club with Collingwood agreeing to pay $300k x 5 years for Treloar to play elsewhere. It's messy. Tom Philips is also let go for peanuts, and Jayden "Fraser Anning is my hero" Stephenson is traded to North for a second round pick. This gives us the best info graphic of the year:

View attachment 1217046
And here is Pendles' response:

Ditto when Bucks decided that chasing Insta-wannabees was more important than coaching.
Ditto when Collingwood's season went down the toilet.
Ditto when Collingwood were exposed as dirty dirty racists and their only voice of support was (presumably) Tex Walker

In fact, when you consider the leadership of Pendlebury this year you should be expressing surprise when he remembers to toss the coin before the game. He's all icing, no cake - or in terms Collingwood fans can understand, he's all eye holes and no hood.
Taking into account the short quarters last year he's well down on input on field as well, with the exception of clangers.

The year wasn't a total write off though. At least he got to see good friend Patty Mills win a bronze medal at the Olympics this year, no doubt inspired by Pendles' uplifting speech just before the game:

Of course, he then considered going to another club on a Sam Mitchell-type deal then backflipped when Collingwood supporters en masses remembered their social media passwords. Ta da.

Fun fact: Pendlebury actually played less basketball as a junior than the total amount of time commentators have wasted on telling people he played basketball as a junior.

Pendles, if you do ever try to hunt me down I'll protect myself by telling you I'm a journalist and watching you run away (wow, he retreated but it was really smooth). Thank you for kicking off the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Morganashlee It's happening!
 

Saveloy Rockstar

^^Harmes cheating
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For those of you unfamiliar with the concept of the Bottom 50, google "celebrity roasts" then lower your expectations
...and MULTIPLY THEM BY 50!!1!


And here is Pendles' response:

To be fair, he did come out strongly against eye-gouging


Oh sorry... eye-opening
 

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tonygeeks

Norm Smith Medallist
Sep 11, 2016
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Would’ve thought kicking 3.23 with half of those misses from the goal square might have taken some topping for worst skipper of the year not to mention the after the game virtue signalling practice session ….. but carry on


Sent from my iPad using BigFooty.com
 
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hawkman

Brownlow Medallist
Jun 7, 2007
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Melbourne
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Does Taylor Walker make it? Playing wise no but racially abusing a player and putting the indigenous players in a position that they don’t want to play with him again surely gets him close
 
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HTPunter

Norm Smith Medallist
Sep 27, 2014
7,116
9,313
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Club by club predictions:

David Mackay should be honoured, as someone who was probably too unnoteworthy to actually be considered for the list, but would have deservedly made it most years had he had some sort of profile. Tex Walker is a good top 10 candidate.

Brisbane are largely safe. Joey Daniher and his flops might be saved from his ability to kick a goal 22 games in a row.

Carlton would have Cripps, SPS, Martin and the outgoing Murphy top 50 contenders, while Zac Williams with his overpaid overrated status is sure feature in the top 10.

Pies aren't short of pickings this year, aside from Pendlebury I expect Cox, Thomas and Noble to be candidates.

Essendon largely rescued their season, maybe an outgoing tribute to Zaharakis.

Freo should see Conca honoured, while Fyfe is a smokey for his goalkicking. Walters had a shithouse year.

Not many like Dangerfield and his flops. Is this year enough to call him overpaid? Melts would be fantastic.

The Suns shouldn't be picked on. They're sh*t and they know it, hence wanting out. Astute observation from the Suns players. They do have a bunch of second stringer depth players like Atkins, Holman and Townsend, but hard to really make good use.

GWS could see Reid and Finlayson in, while Coniglio is a good chance to back up his stellar 2020.

Hawthorn have a top 10 candidate in Jon Patton, while Shaun Burgoyne being carried to 400+ with med sub games is a blight - plus he's celebrated enough to get melts.

Melbourne should escape attention on their 22, but Nathan Jones is up there for slowing down as the Dees finally become good, while Melksham is surely done.

North - take your pick. Certainly Shaun Atley put in his best try at a top 5 spot yet, while Walker, Dumont, Young, Bonar and Bosu were genuinely sh*t at times. Some youth saved by games played rule. And Ziebell for his role as bomb it long, beaten 1-on-1 defender isn't without a chance.

Port - Rockliff a top 10 chance, Motlop too

Richmond - good time to welcome Cotchin in, top 5 potential, Marlion Pickett isn't a bad shout, and Dan Rioli - did he do enough at half back to make up for his shitness early on? Castagna is there.

St Kilda - another sort of take your pick. Overpaid and overrated? Brad Hill, Dan Hannebery, cmon down. Dan Butler was sh*t after a breakout year in 2020, as was Jack Lonie when the Saints couldn't find anyone else to play.

Sydney - Sam Reid is average, not sure you can name Buddy though

West Coast - can see a hyped mid like Andrew Gaff, Dom Sheed, or Tim Kelly making it (season on line, all failed, including Kelly before injury) and Willie Rioli technically a chance?

Dogs - JUH saved by games, Bruce was closer to AA than bottom 50 this year, and Cordy didn't embarrass himself. Maybe Wallis? Hannan?
 

Spiritof82

Club Legend
Jan 8, 2004
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Club by club predictions:

Dogs - JUH saved by games, Bruce was closer to AA than bottom 50 this year, and Cordy didn't embarrass himself. Maybe Wallis? Hannan?

Wallis doesn't qualify on games played, plus no one has got close to this down hill skier for the last 5 years, when you average 5 possessions a game and run away from physical contact you are hands down to be #1:


1630035116854.png
 

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