Win Prizes Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2022

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Hello Bay,

After almost deciding to skip this year, the Bay's second-best Bottom 50 list is back for another annual cycle of quips, queries and inevitable complaints.
I would like to start by acknowledging that every player here has achieved more than any of us in the professional sporting landscape, and therefore all comments constitute 'punching up'. I therefore declare all comments as acceptable. I would like to also take this opportunity to remind everyone that I identify as a retrenched fake pilot and request that you all respect the awesome level of gravitas that accompanies such an achievement.

The rules
  • My listings are final. If you disagree with me, you are wrong.
  • Players with less than 20 games in total are excluded, although there is occasionally an allowance given for extraordinary spudness in the face of battle - especially for players who have spent extra time in the AFL environment and/or were first round picks.
  • Players who have not played a senior game this year are excluded.
  • Weightings have been granted for those who are over-rated, over paid, divers, are noted squibs and/or are generally annoying.
  • This list includes weightings for off-field incidents
  • Lifetime achievement awarded players are excluded, as they have given us so much joy already

The List:
50 - Bailey Smith
49 - James "Jimmy" Rowe
48 - Jack Darling
47 - Jack Martin
46 - Hunter Clark
45 - Allir Aliir
44 - Tom Phillips
43 - Aaron Hall
42 - Alex Keath
41 - Xavier Duursma
40 - Ben Ronke
39 - Zaine Cordy
38 - Jack Ziebell
37 - Zach Merrett
36 - Bailey J Williams
35 - Sam Weideman
34 - Josh Schache
33 - Matt Crouch
32 - Luke Dahlhaus
31 - Rory Atkins
30 - Jack Newnes
29 - Darcy Byrne-Jones
28 - Ned McHenry
27 - Shaun Higgins
26 - Mitch Robinson
25 - James Worpel
24 - Lachie Hunter
23 - Jake Aarts
22 - Tom Mitchell
21 - Stef Martin
20 - Lachie Plowman
19 - Steven Motlop
18 - Devon Smith
17 - Wayne Milera
16 - Jake Melksham
15 - Aiden Bonar
14 - Brayden Ham
13 - Tim O'Brien
12 - Paddy Dow
11 - Jason Castagna
10 - Peter Ladhams
9 - Will Setterfield
8 - Kyle Hardigan
7 - Lachie Whitfield
6 - Dyson Heppell
5 - Sam Petrevski-Seton
Lifetime achievement award: Jared Polec
4 - Brodie Grundy
3 - Tim Kelly
2- Brad Hill
1 - Jaidyn Stephenson
 
Last edited:
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Player #50 - Bailey Smith

OIP.AXTsb2yw7KmDkk-wdYtAUwAAAA

Pictured: Just blowing off a little steam

Nickname: Bazlenka (he gave it to himself)

Bailey Smith is seen as a young star of the competition who performed incredibly well for 90% of last years' finals series.
He runs very hard, gets plenty of the ball, kicks goals, has a glorious mullet and very very occasionally wears a shirt.

Baz - English.png


Unfortunately, Baz has a couple of teeny flaws.

1. His kicking is a bit hit or miss, and when I say miss I mean the entire football field. He has kicked the ball out of bounds so often he has caused more men to throw balls over their shoulder than testicular elephantitis. He's actually in the top 10 in the comp for average clangers per game and his Disposal Efficiancy is lower than a Port Adelaide cheer squad member's IQ score.

2. "Vision has emerged" has now become the scariest phrase in an AFL player's life, overtaking "I'm pregnant" and "Kane Cornes has mentioned you in an article".
Anyway Bailey Smith was seen in footage 'holding a white powdery substance' which he later apologised for. I'm shocked that a guy with a mullet and an 8-pack was found to be ingesting a substance known to suppress appetite but at least he didn't commit the horrendous crime (check media notes) of legally taking a short holiday to Bali.

As a result of the vision, Bailey had to serve a two match suspension because he doesn't keep Patrick Cripp's lawyers on retainer.

Bailey, good luck on the weekend facing the purple haze and let's hope it's the last purple haze you experience for the year. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2022.
 

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This is already the Best 50 list of any 50 lists posted so far this season because:

a) the people on the list actually exist
2) the maker of the list isn't a complete numpty
 
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This is already the Best 50 list of any 50 lists posted so far this season because:

a) the people on the list actually exist
2) the maker of the list isn't a complete numpty
a. Maybe
2. Contestable
 
Jun 7, 2007
34,265
42,494
Melbourne
AFL Club
Hawthorn
Other Teams
Tottenham Hotspur
Looking forward to the Tim O'Brien entry this season
 
Sep 30, 2011
14,344
23,370
Freo
AFL Club
Fremantle
Other Teams
Whoever is playing WC
I'm confused, there is an actual photo of Bailey Smith in his write up.
 

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Player #49 - James Rowe

img.jpg

Pictured: James Rowe is a surprisingly common name, thank you Google images

Nickname: According to the Crows website, 'Jimmy' or 'Rowie'. What a bunch of boring twats.

James Rowe is a small forward who plays for Adelaide, who are throwing all their money at a small forward this trade period which shows you the regard in which he's held by the Crows list management team. After taking a small forward with their first-round pick last year.
Drafted from the SANFL, Jimmy's dad played in the first Crows team which was so long ago they still used canvas tents when they attended their pre-season torture camps.

Managing 17 games this year for the 5th last placed team, Rowe kicked 12 goals (never more than two) and averaged 1 and a half tackles per game. The main issues with Rowe are height (or lack thereof) and speed. If you're going to be a shortarse at AFL level you need to be quick (Rowe isn't) or have outstanding endurance (Rowe doesn't). He isn't exactly a pressure player either which is a prerequisite for being a small forward at AFL level these days. He can't jump either which, for a guy at 173cm, means he's about chest height of most of his opponents (and for Dusty, strippers).

Adelaide apparently bid on Jamarra Ugle-Hagen with their first pick in 2020 so that the Bulldogs would use extra points to match, which meant the Crows could use their second-round draft pick on Rowe (lulz). The decision cost Riley Thilthorpe $10k as he missed out on the no 1 draft pick bonus, but I thought it was a wonderful gesture to give Collective Minds a go at running their draft that year.

Rowe's a delist candidate at the end of this year, which means some stupid club will probably trade him in and [checks the Draft & Trading board] um... er.... will get a bargain if they can turn him around :$

Fun fact: Jimmy is quite the romantic despite his lack of height. He regularly provides a tea-light candle lit dinner and later goes up on his girlfriend.

Jimmy, good luck next year whichever club you end up at. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2022.
 
May 13, 2006
8,957
7,294
Sunshine Coast
AFL Club
Adelaide
Other Teams
Ford Cortina
Player #49 - James Rowe

img.jpg

Pictured: James Rowe is a surprisingly common name, thank you Google images

Nickname: According to the Crows website, 'Jimmy' or 'Rowie'. What a bunch of boring twats.

James Rowe is a small forward who plays for Adelaide, who are throwing all their money at a small forward this trade period which shows you the regard in which he's held by the Crows list management team. After taking a small forward with their first-round pick last year.
Drafted from the SANFL, Jimmy's dad played in the first Crows team which was so long ago they still used canvas tents when they attended their pre-season torture camps.

Managing 17 games this year for the 5th last placed team, Rowe kicked 12 goals (never more than two) and averaged 1 and a half tackles per game. The main issues with Rowe are height (or lack thereof) and speed. If you're going to be a shortarse at AFL level you need to be quick (Rowe isn't) or have outstanding endurance (Rowe doesn't). He isn't exactly a pressure player either which is a prerequisite for being a small forward at AFL level these days. He can't jump either which, for a guy at 173cm, means he's about chest height of most of his opponents (and for Dusty, strippers).

Adelaide apparently bid on Jamarra Ugle-Hagen with their first pick in 2020 so that the Bulldogs would use extra points to match, which meant the Crows could use their second-round draft pick on Rowe (lulz). The decision cost Riley Thilthorpe $10k as he missed out on the no 1 draft pick bonus, but I thought it was a wonderful gesture to give Collective Minds a go at running their draft that year.

Rowe's a delist candidate at the end of this year, which means some stupid club will probably trade him in and [checks the Draft & Trading board] um... er.... will get a bargain if they can turn him around :$

Fun fact: Jimmy is quite the romantic despite his lack of height. He regularly provides a tea-light candle lit dinner and later goes up on his girlfriend.

Jimmy, good luck next year whichever club you end up at. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2022.
Only #49. Faarq, spud city is surely coming.
 

leobarryustar

Milking frees
Margin Mania Chess Club Member BeanCoiNFT Investor Zombie Lover A Star Wars Fan
Sep 23, 2014
6,196
10,997
AFL Club
Sydney
Other Teams
The Exers
Oooo exciting! Mofra’s like factory is back!

I want Dyson Heppell because he sucks. Feel free to use that one, Mof
 
Mar 10, 2007
52,545
98,134
Melbourne
AFL Club
Western Bulldogs
Other Teams
Charlton Athletic, Roys FFC
This list is basically going to be the Dogs, Bombers and GWS lists mixed together - with the occasional sprinkling of J “Leadership” Ziebell and I’m completely ok with that !!
 
I'm calling it - Jake Melksham to go Top 5.
 

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