Vintage Bay Mofra's Bottom 50 of 2017 - the "finals were better last year" Edition

[A Cut Above]

You guys realize he deliberately delays updates purely to see which posters stamp their feet & spit the dummy the hardest right?

 

[leobarryustar]

You guys realize he deliberately delays updates purely to see which posters stamp their feet & spit the dummy the hardest right?

It might be a surprise to you, but not everything in the world is trolling.

 

[Mofra]

Player 32 - Todd Goldstein


Pictured: Todd Goldstein does the scarecrow to try and be 'outstanding in his field'
Not pictured: Elite training facilities

Todd Goldstein is the only North player many people can name.

Accustomed to success before joining North, he represented Australia in the u19 basketball side and in 2015 became the first ruckman in history to reach 1000 hit-outs in a season, a year he was awarded AA honours. Then 2017 happened.

Watching him run around this year was a lot like an aging rocker going on a reunion tour - great at the start, but then age and tiredness catches up and the last few weeks were basically a footballer well past his best and playing in the looming shadow of a better, younger player (and no that's not Majak).

Starting the year well against a cobbled makeshift WCE ruck duo, Goldy's output basically mimicked a graph I saw on a TV documentary once:

Pictured: Pretty close to Goldstein's season.
Sidenote: Essendon fans are very happy.

By round 18 he had been banished to the VFL because Pruess can ruck and run around the ground and do things modern ruckman need to do. Goldy sadly could take taps and at his best follow his opponent closely and watch said opponent take marks and get the ball.
By the time round 21 had him line up against the Hawks, his time looked sadly done. 4 disposals and 22 hit-outs was a sad return alongside one tackle.

This was not so much passing the baton to a younger player, but having it ripped out of his hands and dragged away never to be seen again and be placed in safekeeping for it's own good like a Port Adelaide toddler. Todd might find it even more difficult to get games next year ever since Brad 'mastercoach' Scott has virtually recanted last year's mantra of 'it's not a rebuild it's an aggressive reset' to 's**t we're rebuilding and why does nobody want to come to North despite millions of salary cap space?'. Every player from Dusty to Kelly to Darcy freaking Lang rejected North's offers.

Even some Afghanis on Nauru changed their tune on asylum when North offered them a home because they looked like they could 'develop when placed in an elite training environment':


"Could be worse kids, at least we're not at Arden St"

Making Goldy's situation worse, North need help all over the ground except in the ruck - the only position they're set for. It's like a weird universe where Alanis Morrisette writes a song about Goldstein but this time possesses an understanding of what irony actually is, although if anyone would go out an buy 10,000 spoons and not possess a knife it would be Brad Scott. Actually, given their chances next season I'd suggest just opting for the 9,999 spoon-set.

Anyway Toodles well done on a serviceable career and a short-lived peak as an elite big-man. That clearly occurred before 2017, welcome to the Bottom 50.

 

[Dinsdale]

It might be a surprise to you, but not everything in the world is trolling.

nice milt

 

[Senor Ed]

Player 32 - Todd Goldstein


Pictured: Todd Goldstein does the scarecrow to try and be 'outstanding in his field'
Not pictured: Elite training facilities

Caption should have been - A cooked Todd Goldstein in the same pose that his ancestor's put Jesus in; symbolism at its finest.

 

[RelaxMax]

You guys realize he deliberately delays updates purely to see which posters stamp their feet & spit the dummy the hardest right?

Makes sense

It's what I'd do

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Making Goldy's situation worse, North need help all over the ground except in the ruck - the only position they're set for. It's like a weird universe where Alanis Morrisette writes a song about Goldstein but this time possesses an understanding of what irony actually is, although if anyone would go out an buy 10,000 spoons and not possess a knife it would be Brad Scott. Actually, given their chances next season I'd suggest just opting for the 9,999 spoon-set.

Bloody brilliant phraseology Mofra.

 

[LiterallyNobody]

Bloody brilliant phraseology Mofra.

I agree. My highlight of the post.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Caption should have been - A cooked Todd Goldstein in the same pose that his ancestor's put Jesus in; symbolism at its finest.

HAHAHA gold.

That's a belter Senor Ed.

 

[Two Eyes]

Mofra a tad harsh on Alanis Morisette.

A song about irony that doesn't contain a single example of irony is itself a case of supreme irony.

Admittedly that was probably unintentional and she should have stuck with wailing about her boyfriend dumping her (much like Brad Scott after the trade period).

 

[JoseMourinho]

Todd Foldstein

 

[juice t]

What about when Todd got gifted a free kick against Freo in the last minute, only to shank it badly to the right
Sums up his inclusion

 

[LiterallyNobody]

More like Silverstein am I right?

More like Didnotfinishstein

 

[Morganashlee]

More like Didnotfinishstein

Thought you were avoiding the bay, friend

 

[CaptainChardonnay]

Caption should have been - A cooked Todd Goldstein in the same pose that his ancestor's put Jesus in; symbolism at its finest.

Far too sophisticated for the Bay. You're just confusing the kiddies and compulsive masturbators.

 

[El Dubya]

More like Didnotfinishstein

If you continue posting here you'll get a reputation, like NaturalDisaster has.

 

[NaturalDisaster]

If you continue posting here you'll get a reputation, like NaturalDisaster has.

Hi campaigner

 

[LiterallyNobody]

If you continue posting here you'll get a reputation, like NaturalDisaster has.

If you check my posting history the only board with more posts than this one for here is the general board

Though as morgs alluded to I rarely post here now coz I'm such a soft utensil.

 

[LiterallyNobody]

Thought you were avoiding the bay, friend

Can't resist mofra's thread. The melts it elicits alone rival mine.

 

[El Dubya]

If you check my posting history the only board with more posts than this one for here is the general board

Though as morgs alluded to I rarely post here now coz I'm such a soft utensil.

Don't quote my posts soft utensil.

 

[Mofra]

Player 31 - Jarrad Grant


Pictured: An elite athlete. Apparently.

Jarrad Grant is a former pick 5 who played for the Bulldogs, was delisted then went to play for the Gold Coast Abletts.
Grant was a trendsetter in the AFL in some ways, being a 192cm player (KPF height at the time of his drafting) who played like a small forward. A disinterested, non tackling small forward. In some ways, a weird version of Dan Menzel.

Despite his weird looks, Grant's best is absolutely elite - problem being he played about 6 minutes of this elite level football per month regardless of what level he plays.
Super quick with super sticky hands he is basically a14 year old boy with unlimited internet and a lock on the bedroom door in football terms.

This year was probably not a great one when it's all said and done. Playing NEAFL he didn't exactly set the world on fire, managing a few poor games and another where he did have a few shots but finished on 0.3 which is both a poor day as a forward or a reasonable night out.

He did finally manage one AFL game - against the powerhouse that is Freo - where he gathered one behind and four tackles so I guess he's a top. Despite being dropped he caught fire in the NEAFL, kicking 15 goals in the last two games in what is the 487th best football league in the country.

Grant will always be remembered for a few things, unfortunately his on field highlights are none of them. Painfully skinny, nobody will forget his physique from his Bulldog days (after a few pre-seasons):



Or that this was once an actual FF/CHF combination at AFL level:


Or his TV career:


Or that he had an interrupted first pre-season where he was stung by a stingray, hence the imaginative nickname "Stinger" which shows how creative an imaginative footballers are (Exhibit B: Russell Robertson's music career).

Mostly however, he'll be remembered due to Scott Clayton (former Bulldog recruiter, now up on the Gold Coast destroying their list) totally welching on a promise he made after selecting Jarrad at pick 5 in the 2007 draft:

If Jarrad Grant's not the next best player after them, then I'll swim to Williamstown from here

I believe Clayton still hasn't started swimming, but my advice would be to start training as unlike Stinger Grant he needs to trim down.

Jarrad, you weird looking funny dude with the on-field concentration levels of an ADHD toddler in a puppy and fireworks shop after 4 espressos, good luck in the next stage of your life as the 'ex-footballer least likely to get fat in retirement'. Welcome to the 2017 Bottom 50.

 

[Bont2Bruce]

Put out your microphones

 

[Sainter3and7]

Player 31 - Jarrad Grant
he gathered one behind and four tackles so I guess he's a top

LOL!

 

[David Schwarz]

Player 31 - Jarrad Grant


Pictured: An elite athlete. Apparently.

Jarrad Grant is a former pick 5 who played for the Bulldogs, was delisted then went to play for the Gold Coast Abletts.
Grant was a trendsetter in the AFL in some ways, being a 192cm player (KPF height at the time of his drafting) who played like a small forward. A disinterested, non tackling small forward. In some ways, a weird version of Dan Menzel.

Despite his weird looks, Grant's best is absolutely elite - problem being he played about 6 minutes of this elite level football per month regardless of what level he plays.
Super quick with super sticky hands he is basically a14 year old boy with unlimited internet and a lock on the bedroom door in football terms.

This year was probably not a great one when it's all said and done. Playing NEAFL he didn't exactly set the world on fire, managing a few poor games and another where he did have a few shots but finished on 0.3 which is both a poor day as a forward or a reasonable night out.

He did finally manage one AFL game - against the powerhouse that is Freo - where he gathered one behind and four tackles so I guess he's a top. Despite being dropped he caught fire in the NEAFL, kicking 15 goals in the last two games in what is the 487th best football league in the country.

Grant will always be remembered for a few things, unfortunately his on field highlights are none of them. Painfully skinny, nobody will forget his physique from his Bulldog days (after a few pre-seasons):



Or that this was once an actual FF/CHF combination at AFL level:


Or his TV career:


Or that he had an interrupted first pre-season where he was stung by a stingray, hence the imaginative nickname "Stinger" which shows how creative an imaginative footballers are (Exhibit B: Russell Robertson's music career).

Mostly however, he'll be remembered due to Scott Clayton (former Bulldog recruiter, now up on the Gold Coast destroying their list) totally welching on a promise he made after selecting Jarrad at pick 5 in the 2007 draft:


I believe Clayton still hasn't started swimming, but my advice would be to start training as unlike Stinger Grant he needs to trim down.

Jarrad, you weird looking funny dude with the on-field concentration levels of an ADHD toddler in a puppy and fireworks shop after 4 espressos, good luck in the next stage of your life as the 'ex-footballer least likely to get fat in retirement'. Welcome to the 2017 Bottom 50.

RIP King Annorexia I

You will never be forgotten

 

[Stan_Darsh72]

RIP King Annorexia I

You will never be forgotten

It is kinda impressive how he never gained muscle.

The anti HGH