Footypie32
especias secreto
NAKIA AND THE GARDEN OF EDAM
In the beginning, there was the Big Bang. Because science. But then some billions of years later, in an alternate reality, God created the heavens and the earth.
He then procured a fine garden. A garden filled with every kind of cheese you can imagine. Even those cheese sticks that where amazing when you were a kid. The cheese grew on trees and from shrubs. The river filled with wine. It was a fine garden, God thought to himself. But it felt empty.
So God gathered up some dust and clay, then added some water. He sat at his pottery wheel and sensuously molded the clay like in that movie Ghost that he had liked (God got all the pre-releases).
He formed a great man, with a head as hard as nails and called him Nakia.
God loved Nakia so much and decided to put him in the cheese garden to do what ever he pleased. But with one condition; he must not eat from the Tree of Flog Fruit.
Nakia was fine for a while. Getting fat on feta and wine. Until he had sampled every tree in the garden, but one; the Tree of Flog Fruit.
One day God spotted his son staring intently at the tree and thought he would intervene.
"Don't do it, Nakia" spoke God in a thunderous tone.
"Do what?" asked Nakia, knowing full well what God meant.
"Do not eat from that tree or you will be doomed to floggishness for all eternity" ordered God.
"But I wasn't..." Nakia began.
"Silence!" boomed God. "I have decided to give you a wife. To put an end to your boredom and hopefully prevent you from eating the Flog Fruit".
"No thanks. I'm good" said Nakia, not wanting anyone else to share his garden with.
"Nonsense" replied God. "I promise she'll be a real goer" he continued with a wink.
"No no, really" insisted Nakia.
"Too late!" replied God. Reaching down and ripping out one of Nakia's ribs.
"Ouch! I needed that" said Nakia, rubbing his side.
God then threw the rib on the ground and Nakia watched as it transformed into a sexy, naked Woman.
"I shall call her OES " announced the Lord.
OES immediately started wandering around exploring everything.
"Don't touch that" said Nakia, watching with annoyance as he new wife started touching his things.
"That's my stick" barked Nakia.
"And that's the computer I invented out of leaves and rocks" Nakia continued, getting more and more upset.
OES didn't care. Everything was new and wonderful to her.
One night, some two weeks later. After several hours of passionate lovemaking. OES pointed to the Tree of Flog Fruit and asked Nakia why he had never tried it.
"Because God told me I would turn into a giant flog" replied Nakia.
"He's lying. I tried one yesterday and I'm fine" said OES.
"Really?" said a startled Nakia, sitting bolt upright.
"Yeah, I was just sitting there and this snake came up and asked if I wanted to try the best fruit ever" continued OES.
"A snake? I hate snakes" said Nakia.
"Nah, he was cool. He was wearing sunnies" replied OES.
Nakia was unsure, but intrigued all the same. And so he approached the tree and picked one of it's golden fruit and he ate it all.
The next morning, God awoke to find his garden had been ransacked. He was furious.
"WHO DID THIS?" he ordered.
"It was him" said OES, pointing at the still sleeping Nakia.
God struck him with a bolt of lightning to wake him up.
"Ouch. What was that for?" asked Nakia, suddenly awake.
"You ate from the Tree of Flog Fruit after I specifically told you not to" said God.
"She did to" said Nakia, pointing at OES.
"No I didn't" snapped OES, looking shocked.
"You told me a snake spoke to you" Nakia replied, getting frustrated.
"Really? A snake?" replied OES.
"Yes. You said a snake wearing sunnies said you could" a distressed Nakia replied.
OES gave God a quizzical look and did that crazy sign thing with her finger.
"I've heard enough" said an angry God. "Nakia, you are to be banished from the garden forever".
"But I didn't eat the fruit" pleaded Nakia.
"Um.. you just said you did a minute ago" replied God.
"No I didn't" said Nakia.
"Umm... Yes you did. I'm God, I remember everything" said God.
"No I didn't" continued a resistant Nakia.
God just shook his head and then booted Nakia, sending him flying, hundreds of kilometres from the garden.
"You can come back when you admit what you did!" God yelled after him.
"Brie?" asked OES.
"Why, yes thank you" said God. And they both sat down to enjoy the feasts of the garden.
FIN
