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Never Married

  • Thread starter Thread starter james Dean
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james Dean said:
Question for all you guys out there who have never been hitched or even been in a long term de facto relationship (preferably 50+).

Do you think you're happy with how your life has turned out? Do you wish that you had have found someone, raised a family and had that occupy your life now?

Is the freedom to do what you want/when you want overshadowed by the uncertainty of how you will be thought of and looked after in your later years?

Also for the ones who have been married and had families, Is the gift of children and watching your kids develop into adults and beyond really that amazing? Or is it a cliche that people use to convince themselves that their lives are great?
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I only got married at 40 and won't have kids.

I wouldn't say any age is better than another, as it is a very different for each individual. What I will say is don't rush big decisions and definitely don't have kids too young.
 
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Silent Alarm said:
You reckon? You might spend about ten nights away from a partner at 40-60. Most of your friends will have commitment and most people genuinely struggle to pay mortgages, send their kids to school and sport, keep up with their bills so the idea of little trips away or even regularly going out on the piss and blowing $150 is unlikely. The issue is a lot of people overlook this shit or a lot of people are so dumb they try and keep it up and that's when your personal relationships strain, you get into debt and all that sort of stuff and then you're in the real pits in just about every way. Don't forget about realities like jealousy – even in your 20s it's common to have one party who works more, makes more money, has a lot less friends, whatever... I just don't think it's that easy and you have to make genuine sacrifices. That's why it's a partnership and not two people just doing shit together. It's about working toward a common goal every day and long term and the rewards of that are basically kids who are nice, decent, have some brains and can live on their own at 19.

As for people marrying a lot, eh half of it is this biological thing to procreate and keep the species going along and the modern adaption of that is partnerships and marriage.

Plus, I know a few people who have mortgages and kids at 23-25 and they're almost doing it for something to do and for a purpose. And there's nothing wrong with that. A bloke I know is in debt from gambling and living at home and having a kid is a way to keep his head on and start working toward something, another guy has been working for his uncle for near on ten years now and pretty much shunned all his mates, people I worked with had kids intentionally or otherwise but they get a sense of accomplishment and sort of tunnel vision accountability from it. Not to mention parental pressure.
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See there you go again getting all caught up with numbers and shit

I'm married, I have a kid, my wife has had weekends or nights away with the girls, I have done the same with the boys. We've also had nights off from the kid when there was a sleep over and Nanna's in the offering.

My point was that just because you are a couple doesn't mean you have to be joined at the hip 24x7, in fact you shouldn't be. Now where did I mention regularly going out on the piss and spending $150 or trying to act like you were single or spending months away from your partner?
 
Silent Alarm said:
You reckon? You might spend about ten nights away from a partner at 40-60.
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wait do you mean 10 nights total away from your partner over a 20 year period? I just want to clarify that one
 

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Silent Alarm said:
I sometimes wonder if this is the way I'll go.

Every relationship I've had, generally girls complain that I put in less effort as time goes by and in previous ones I've genuinely found hanging out with them to be a chore – I still liked them, found them nice, found them attractive, but I just got sick of giving up my time alone to spend money on shit I don't really want to do or sitting around bored with them.

Reckon as you get more bogged down and indebted to the lifestyle, the more it becomes about a partnership. Once you're raising a family together and paying off rent or a mortgage, you're partners more than lovers and I can see that sense of it being really rewarding. The toughest part of any break up is the fact you won't make new memories and you've got so much good and so many special times with that person; the idea of bringing up kids who aren't shitheads, maybe having a family holiday a few times where all you get on a plane, getting through a tough period financially, maybe selling a house and investing in a better one... they all bind you and that's a weird sort of short term evolutionary sort of binding. And it would be very nice to be able to retire with that person and sail off into the Croatian sunset.

But at the same time I'm a really independent person. I used to have to get my parents to say I wasn't home when I was a kid because I loved socialising now and then but all the time just wore me out.

There's also a part of me that doesn't trust myself with that sort of thing. If you're going to bring up a child then you should probably have some confidence in yourself that you can stick it through. If you're a little unsure on how you feel about that sort of thing then what's the point of bringing a person into that? You're just going to resent your kid and either be selfish and leave and **** up the kid or basically kill yourself with the life you have.
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Stop trying to make every thread about you
 
james Dean said:
Stealing a bit from Jerry Seinfeld here but it really does surprise me just how common marriage is. These people are agreeing to spend the rest of their life with this person, literally every single day for the rest of your existence you are going to be seeing this person.
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I'm half and half on this one. I'm surprised how many get married to someone they don't have heaps in common with. I'm not saying you need to share all interests, but you see so many couples where outside seeing friends/families they don't have many common things to do. When the looks fade and the kids are gone, I'm not surprised at the rates of divorce.

I'd be really interested in a study of divorce rates for those couples that could consider themselves friends (as in in if they weren't a couple do they have enough they both like, that they could be friends) versus those that are just 'in love'. I'd wager the divorce rates for the former are a fair degree lower then the latter.
 
james Dean said:
Stealing a bit from Jerry Seinfeld here but it really does surprise me just how common marriage is. These people are agreeing to spend the rest of their life with this person, literally every single day for the rest of your existence you are going to be seeing this person.

Do people really think this through before they agree to it? Are women really just pressuring their partners into it because they want a nice wedding?

How can it be so common that two people are matching who can agree to this? Granted I've never been in love, but I cannot imagine spending every day with someone for the rest of my life.

Or is divorce just such a normal part of society now that I have really just overstated the importance and tradition of marriage?
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We are biologically inclined to procreate and a man and a woman bound in matrimony give the best chance at raising functional human beings.

Like it or not, there is always something 'off' about old men who have never been married. If you are happy carrying this stigma then more power to you.
 
GG.exe said:
Marriage is better than ending up old and alone.
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There's no guarantee that because you're married you won't end up old and alone.
 
perthblue said:
We are biologically inclined to procreate and a man and a woman bound in matrimony give the best chance at raising functional human beings.

Like it or not, there is always something 'off' about old men who have never been married. If you are happy carrying this stigma then more power to you.
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You and are in compliance on this. Does that worry you?
 
perthblue said:
We are biologically inclined to procreate and a man and a woman bound in matrimony give the best chance at raising functional human beings.

Like it or not, there is always something 'off' about old men who have never been married. If you are happy carrying this stigma then more power to you.
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I'm nearly 30, I don't have the desire to get married, yet at the same time I do feel lonely, and there is certainly something missing in my life.

If I were to bet on whether or not I'd be married in 5 years, I'd probably lean towards yes.
 

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GG.exe said:
You and are in compliance on this. Does that worry you?
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I just think that if you dont have a family then what exactly is the point? I mean, sure there are lots of things you can do but I feel there'd always be that emptiness inside.
 
raskolnikov said:
There's no guarantee that because you're married you won't end up old and alone.
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Eventually it'll happen when one partner dies....but before then you had kids, saw them thru adulthood, had grandkids, acquired an extended network of family members. St the very least you have people to connect with when you're alone. But you had a life too.

Dont worry, my future is gearing for utter desolation. No family whatsoever, never had any since 13, if you call what I had before that even family. More like abusers and neglected.
 
perthblue said:
I just think that if you dont have a family then what exactly is the point? I mean, sure there are lots of things you can do but I feel there'd always be that emptiness inside.
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Totally. It's not just about yourself but building a network, a pyramid of family. A legacy. No family, just yourself, thinking only of yourself, its horrid loneliness. Like how people say having God is good, something bigger than yourself, something outside of the self
 
perthblue said:
I just think that if you dont have a family then what exactly is the point? I mean, sure there are lots of things you can do but I feel there'd always be that emptiness inside.
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Kids are great. They keep me in a job. But to say that's the only meaning in life is absurd. People get meaning out of life in lots of ways. Friends, careers, hobbies, travel, animals, sports.
 
raskolnikov said:
Kids are great. They keep me in a job. But to say that's the only meaning in life is absurd. People get meaning out of life in lots of ways. Friends, careers, hobbies, travel, animals, sports.
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Wheres the legacy?
 

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GG.exe said:
Wheres the legacy?
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Lots of careers and hobbies have legacy. Just as an example, as a teacher I hope that students I have taught look back at their school days and remember me as a great teacher. I'm 50 and still remember great teachers I had when I was in primary school.
 
perthblue said:
We are biologically inclined to procreate and a man and a woman bound in matrimony give the best chance at raising functional human beings.

Like it or not, there is always something 'off' about old men who have never been married. If you are happy carrying this stigma then more power to you.
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what is your definition of old??

also it doesn't take much these days to be considered married in the eyes of the law
 
Marriage is an institution of the state to keep couples together, sharing the cost of raising their children so the state doesn't have to.

She says when she is home all day and he is at work.
 
craigos said:
Legacy? This isn't the royal kingdom. If the only reason people remember you once you have left this planet is because you have copulated then you're either boring as shit or a horrible human being.
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For most people the proof you were here is the kids you leave behind, most people aren't historically big, hell a lot of celebrities don't last a generation

Building something seems to make a lot of people happy, whether that be a family or a bridge or whatever.

Who will remember me when I'm gone comes up a lot and for most it's going to be family or friends, family tend to outlive you via kids/grand kids, friends don't always
 

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