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Never Married

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craigos said:
Are there any guys who truly want to get married? Obviously you meet someone and you're probably for it but do you see it as something you'd be sad to miss out on?

For all the girls I know it's the defining moment of their life.
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Absolutely, there was no pressure from my wife to get married at all, I asked her folks permission and when I proposed she was genuinely shocked. Also my wife and I may not have kids, were undecided about if that’s something we want and it had no bearing on our decision.
 
MEB_ said:
Getting married didn't define anything other than my relationship status.
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So did you think the relationship wasn't as serious until you were husband and wife? I'm lacking in human emotion so humor me, but I don't see the difference between someone who is married and who is not if they share the same circumstances (live together, share money etc etc).

phantom13 said:
Absolutely, there was no pressure from my wife to get married at all, I asked her folks permission and when I proposed she was genuinely shocked. Also my wife and I may not have kids, were undecided about if that’s something we want and it had no bearing on our decision.
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Had you thought about it before you were together? Was it just a case of it was always going to happen or your wife in particular made you want to be married?
 
craigos said:
So did you think the relationship wasn't as serious until you were husband and wife? I'm lacking in human emotion so humor me, but I don't see the difference between someone who is married and who is not if they share the same circumstances (live together, share money etc etc).
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Not at all, we already had a house and a joint account. There's no difference between us and a de facto couple.
 

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craigos said:
So did you think the relationship wasn't as serious until you were husband and wife? Im lacking in human emotion so humor me, but I don't see the difference between someone who is married and who is not if they share the same circumstances (live together, share money etc etc).


Had you thought about it before you were together? Was it just a case of it was always going to happen or your wife in particular made you want to be married?
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I’ll soeak for both here.

On the “status” it makes no difference other than a box on census. People asked after the wedding “so how does it feel” or “what’s different” the answer is “the same” or “nothing”. Once upon a time getting married meant moving in together and a drastic change. Now it means you wear a ring. Our relationship didn’t change at all, it just meant something to me to share our relationship with our friends and family. In hindsight a wedding is weird traditional
Institution but it was a great excuse for a great party and to reflect on how the people outside our relationship have helped and influenced us a couple.

For me, it was her, I would have been slightly anti marriage as a younger man, she changed my mind.
 
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Xtreme said:
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Hi there :p
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latest
 
craigos said:
Are there any guys who truly want to get married? Obviously you meet someone and you're probably for it but do you see it as something you'd be sad to miss out on?

For all the girls I know it's the defining moment of their life.
Click to expand...

Tricky one. No not really. But would be open to the idea but not fussed, figure am too old for the bullshit associated with weddings anyway.

But from a male pov most couples seem to drift into relationships as a matter of course and establish a path of marriage, kids, mortgages etc. It happens as a matter of circumstance and there is nothing wrong with that. Just seems men don't really give it much thought or have it as a goal in the same way women do. Happens as a matter of life course.

For those that haven't you realise that marraige/de facto/ whatever is no guarantee of anything. Just getting married for the sake of getting married doesn't insulate you from life or will mean you're any happier.

Also get to the sweet spot of the mid 30s and the issue of children tends to crop up from women who want to have them. So it becomes a weird negotiation/not compatible.
 
craigos said:
Are there any guys who truly want to get married? Obviously you meet someone and you're probably for it but do you see it as something you'd be sad to miss out on?

For all the girls I know it's the defining moment of their life.
Click to expand...
Happily married now for 15 years and it was a yes to wanting to be married prior to getting married (or meeting my wife). However I'll clarify that only if I met someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The wedding was nice enough I suppose, but that part never really featured in what I liked/like about marriage.

Yes, these days long term defacto and married have the same rights (something I disagree with, if you aren't committed enough to get married, you shouldn't be able to get any of the other persons assets. Kids obviously a different matter for splitting costs / responsibility. Although there, if you aren't committed enough to the other person to get married, what the hell are you doing having kids, that you'll be raising for the next 18 years, with them?!), so for me marriage was just showing myself, my wife, our families and friends, that I gave enough of a shit about my wife to be, that I was willing to publicly commit to our relationship.
 
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Shell said:
Same.

Was txting a work mate yesterday actually about this. I honestly dont believe in the one anymore. Im not bitter or cynical it's just it is was it is.
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There's not 'the one' for anyone. Before you meet / hook up with a long term partner, there's going to be hundreds (/thousands) within your geographic area that are going to be a close enough match to you, that if you hooked up with them you'd be just as happy as any of the others. Of course, that still gets buried in amongst the much bigger numbers of people out there, but Rom-Coms and serendipity of just happening to stumble across 'The one' out of billions is obvious bullshit.
 
Andre said:
Yes, these days long term defacto and married have the same rights (something I disagree with, if you aren't committed enough to get married, you shouldn't be able to get any of the other persons assets. Kids obviously a different matter for splitting costs / responsibility. Although there, if you aren't committed enough to the other person to get married, what the hell are you doing having kids, that you'll be raising for the next 18 years, with them?!), so for me marriage was just showing myself, my wife, our families and friends, that I gave enough of a shit about my wife to be, that I was willing to publicly commit to our relationship.
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I don’t really agree with this. If you make the decision to buy a house together, or have kids together it’s at least the same level of commitment. Not to mention that until last year this was all same sex couples could do anyway. There’s a myriad of reasons people might not choose to get married, that doesn’t make their relationship less committed. And I say that as a married person.
 
MWPP said:
I somehow missed this thread when it was posted a few months ago so apologies for the mini-bump. It was a long read, but definitely worth it.
I'm a fair bit younger than the OP is asking for but I'm still going to post because honestly, even when I see a future for myself, I no longer realistically see marriage/kids as part of that future even though I've always wanted those things. I hope I never fully give up until it's actually too late though.

At this stage, my parents will obviously get my estate when I die, but if I outlive them , I'll have to rethink my will and reconsider where my assets and savings go. I love my niece/nephew/friends' kids dearly, but I know that they'll be very well provided for by their own parents. I think I'll donate some to them, and some to charity.
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MWPP q. Howdo u actually cope with lonliness.

Its a feeling that comes and goes for me.. some days (very rarely) ill literally crawl into a ball and cry for idk half an hour or so.. is like a heavy weight on your chest you cant move.

But it goes away for a bit i suppose until it comes back again


Apologies if this is too dnm...
 

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Billy ray said:
Have you girls tried bumble?
Thats what my now girlfriend used (never tinder) and she found an awesome man
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Ive tried nothin billy ray and im all out of ideas!

/line from the simpsons.

Yeh i know ill get online more. Will do once ive sorted out the apartment and im on holidays
 
Shell said:
What if he said no i dont like you buzz off?
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Would have been uncomfortable for all concerned.

It’s a little bit of an outdated tradition because at this point you know the family, we also paid for the whole thing ourselves so it’s not like I was saying “can I marry her and you’ll pay for it”.

FWIW I’m pretty sure her dad likes me more than his own sons.
 

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Andre said:
Happily married now for 15 years and it was a yes to wanting to be married prior to getting married (or meeting my wife). However I'll clarify that only if I met someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The wedding was nice enough I suppose, but that part never really featured in what I liked/like about marriage.

Yes, these days long term defacto and married have the same rights (something I disagree with, if you aren't committed enough to get married, you shouldn't be able to get any of the other persons assets. Kids obviously a different matter for splitting costs / responsibility. Although there, if you aren't committed enough to the other person to get married, what the hell are you doing having kids, that you'll be raising for the next 18 years, with them?!), so for me marriage was just showing myself, my wife, our families and friends, that I gave enough of a shit about my wife to be, that I was willing to publicly commit to our relationship.
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"Publicly commit to our relationship". This just sounds so weird to me, like the old days of the town crier where if you didn't shout it from the rooftops then you weren't serious. What about if you get married without friends and family present? Like eloping. Does that mean you're less committed to the relationship than if you have a wedding in front of 100 people?
 
Shell said:
My cuz and his bride had a huge wedding up in olinda. Lots of ppl went.


Hugely committed until they broke up less than a year later/rollingeyeemoticon
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Daaaaaamn. The thought of forking out huge money for one day is usually hard enough for most to swallow, for that day to have no meaning after a year is tuff.
 
craigos said:
Daaaaaamn. The thought of forking out huge money for one day is usually hard enough for most to swallow, for that day to have no meaning after a year is tuff.
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Yeh my cousin was pretty heartbroken. It was due to timing she just did not want to be married end of.

He is happy now with another chick. Hes such a good bloke he deserves it.
 

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