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Never Married

  • Thread starter Thread starter james Dean
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Scotland said:
Yeah you can only observe. When people never seem to appear outwardly happy you wonder if they are, for half a second then move on to thinking about something else. Some people I look at at think 'you're lucky to have him/her' and others you wonder what they see. Everyone looks for different things. I've got mates that are pretty much subservient and that works for them, I couldn't think of anything worse.
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For me the perfect marriage (and im in no way trying to "show off" here)- would be- we live together, see each other everyday- do things together, but also do things separately, and have our own friends- and an open marriage under some very very strict rules. Cant emphasize the "strict" there lol. Would not be like some free for all...

Anyway thats just me.
 
Scotland said:
I wouldn't want an open marriage but it's important for people to do their own shit.
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And absolutely fair enough.

FWIW it would be just on the odd occasion. I dont think i'd have the energy, nor the time or desire to do other dudes on a regular basis :D
 

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When you get a bunch of blokes together to go away for a weekend or something it's interesting to observe the different ways the wives and partners react. Some say 'goodbye have a good time' and then do their own thing from Friday to Sunday, others make a big song and dance about the guy going in the first place, call and text every 5 minutes the whole weekend etc. Sometimes people like to do stuff. I've been at the beach and a mate has decided to jump in for a quick surf and then come back to a bunch of missed calls and 'why aren't you answering?' texts. No emergency, just being needy. Fuuuuck that.

Guys do the same thing but it seems less common. Where are you? Who are you with? Are there any guys there? Etc. Plus if you are a bloke out with the boys and constantly on your phone you'll get shit for it.
 
Shell said:
FWIW- and yes I've whinged about him on here before i think in AFS- i am 99.9% certain I did meet the one. I was 19, he was 18. It was a case of EVERYONE wanting us to get together (srsly- i never said a word about my feelings to anyone, was at his place one time, his birthday.. his mum like bailed me up i remember and asked me when the hell we were going to hook up lol)- but him. Damn.


And for the record- no have not met anyone at all like him since. He was a one in a million..
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Is he still single?
 

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Shell said:
While I think you are being sarcastic, thanks :p

We were close friends for a while- from what 1999-2002. I'd obviously been friendzoned i guess.
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Nah, was being serious. Imagine the story. Young lovers never quite made it, one gets married unhappily then a random meeting before a football match reunites them.
 
Deliverance said:
Nah, was being serious. Imagine the story. Young lovers never quite made it, one gets married unhappily then a random meeting before a football match reunites them.
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Yeah sucks. Will never forget him. Oh well...

(wasnt even his team playing too IIRC it was North v Geelong)
 
Tayl0r said:
I think there is a big difference between the excitement of a new relationship and the working bond of a longer term relationship.
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I've always taken the view that a relationship that started based primarily/completely on 'excitement' is much more likely to fail down the road then one where your partner is someone who could be your friend. By that I mean you have common interests etc. where if you weren't together as an 'item' you could hang out and do stuff as friends.

To take the stereotypical example of the top footy player and the popular girl hook up, once the excitement has worn off (and they get older and looks have faded), they don't have the same interests, so what holds them together outside of 'we're already together', kids and memories of when it was exciting? I'm biased as I fall under the 'are/could be friends' with my wife (a pair of geeks, who enjoy doing all the geek stuff like Conventions, watching sci-fi / fantasy, boardgaming together etc), so we aren't going to turn to each other when our kids have left home down the track and go 'Shit, I have nothing in common with this person anymore'.

I think it'd make for an interesting research project for some Psychologists (or for a potential PhD thesis) on the divorce rates over time versus 'friend compatibility' of married couples. My money would be on a statistically significant difference (in favour of those that are/could be friends).
 
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Scotland said:
A couple of recently retired Eagles players split from their wives soon after their careers finished. Not a great look to ride the coat tails of a high (ish) profile husband then up and leave the moment they become just another ex player.
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I don’t necessarily read it that way . Being an eagles player comes with a lot of travel /time away from home , and with retirement , the time actually spent together increases (and may draw out issues which may not have been apparent when they were either busy with footy , or on holiday mood in the off -season)
 
Scotland said:
A couple of recently retired Eagles players split from their wives soon after their careers finished. Not a great look to ride the coat tails of a high (ish) profile husband then up and leave the moment they become just another ex player.
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A relationship with an AFL player is not standard. The players are very driven, selfish (because they have to be), time poor, cash rich, simultaneously in great shape and injured and totally invested in a group that functions as both their purpose and their support network.

Then they leave the game.

And they have gone from 24/7 commitment to having a lot of time to think about how they are no longer in their prime, their purpose is gone and they don't have anything available to them to take as much mental, physical and emotional energy up. So they project.

Suddenly the man you are with goes from a supremely confident beast into an emotionally vulnerable flag flapping in the wind of his own life.

I'm not saying I am happy these women break up with their ex-AFL partners, but I understand.

Men need a purpose, they need to feel like they contributed when they put their head down to sleep at night. It's so important to line up something for former AFL players well in advance because otherwise it will be like going to 200km/h to school zone so fast that it feels like you've stopped.

People are complicated.

My advice to any AFL player with a long term girlfriend or wife would be to knock her up quicksmart. Have a couple of children and then sit down with a developmental psych once you leave the game and be the man your children need you to be for them to grow into great people, be super-dad. Walk them to school, coach every junior team. Even if your relationship with their mother doesn't work out you have a full time purpose that's never going away.
 
Tayl0r said:
A relationship with an AFL player is not standard. The players are very driven, selfish (because they have to be), time poor, cash rich, simultaneously in great shape and injured and totally invested in a group that functions as both their purpose and their support network.

Then they leave the game.

And they have gone from 24/7 commitment to having a lot of time to think about how they are no longer in their prime, their purpose is gone and they don't have anything available to them to take as much mental, physical and emotional energy up. So they project.

Suddenly the man you are with goes from a supremely confident beast into an emotionally vulnerable flag flapping in the wind of his own life.

I'm not saying I am happy these women break up with their ex-AFL partners, but I understand.

Men need a purpose, they need to feel like they contributed when they put their head down to sleep at night. It's so important to line up something for former AFL players well in advance because otherwise it will be like going to 200km/h to school zone so fast that it feels like you've stopped.

People are complicated.

My advice to any AFL player with a long term girlfriend or wife would be to knock her up quicksmart. Have a couple of children and then sit down with a developmental psych once you leave the game and be the man your children need you to be for them to grow into great people, be super-dad. Walk them to school, coach every junior team. Even if your relationship with their mother doesn't work out you have a full time purpose that's never going away.
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Wtf? Silent Alarm , someone is trying to steal your style bro.
 
GG.exe said:
Of course, having a balance is important. Having a family/kids in the end is a grind, and you long or enjoy time alone or away from them. But at least you have a balance. Being alone tho, especially as you get old, like 45+ say, your time is pretty much over, can't have kids, hard to find a wife/husband, and that's a miserable life....worse than having a family and longing for time alone -- because you do get time alone every now and then. Whereas being alone, you never get time having a family/kids.
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Im not sure that having a romantic partner is a necessity for happiness GG.
If I was to break up with my missus I dont think I would chase another relationship.
Romantic love disappears very quickly anyway, I remember what it feels like and its nothing like what I feel for her now.

Its a bit like driving, the excitement and joy of getting my license and buying my first car was amazing, going for a drive down the coast with a car full of people made me feel alive.

Now driving is a chore and the idea of filling my car full of people and going for a three hour trip makes me want to puke.

However I need it for most aspects of my life, couldn't imagine doing without a car and would be devastated if I lost my license.

Sex is important, companionship is important.
Romantic love is overrated and fleeting.

Having kids is another story alltogether and I think if you do have them then affection between mum and dad is needed, however if the passage of time hasn't doused the spark of romance then kids will piss all over it, pull its arms and legs off then flush it down the toilet.
 
William Wonka said:
Im not sure that having a romantic partner is a necessity for happiness GG.
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love makes the world go round.
of course it's important. might not always give happiness but it gives sustenance
 

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