New Press Releases

[Coach Required]

I even heard a rumour that one-eyed richmond would oneday rival another website not to be named runned by left wing extremists



all true Richmond ppl can be found at one-eyed richmond i also heard

 

[julzqld]

Looks like all that personal, one-on-one attention I gave Richo has paid off

 

[oxx]

Stop flriting on the message board Jewlz,

 

[rfctigerarmy]

RFCTIGERARMY BACKS WEBSITE.

" http://www.oneeyed-richmond.com/main.htm is looking fantastic" rfctigerarmy said.

"As Marketing Manager, If you want a banner or anything done, please just send me an email and we can sort something out."

(im being serious aswell).


So yea.. if you want me to make a banner or something, my portfolio can be seen: http://kocho.deviantart.com aswell as Richmond related stuff on: http://tigers-edge.tk

 

[itsintheblood]

Ok it's fair to say the win against the swans was an error on my part. Seems like the swims back from Tassie has aclimatised the boys to wet weather play and they turned in a performance yesterday which went totally against our game plan.

Therefor, our training regime has been altered for this week. We'll be taking the train from Adelaide and going all the way up to Darwin upon which the boys will jog back to melbourne via alice springs to soak up some good ol Aussie sun and ensure that their liking for wet weather disipates very quickly. With winter rapidly approaching, we won't be tolerating sydney-like performances again

Coach, you happy with that?

 

[Coach Required]

Coach admits season in jeapody

Look Well, what a huge 2 weeks, I would just like to publicly apologise to the members and supporters of the RFC for the past 2 weeks, the team hasnt unfortunately played below themselves and not played to within our team rules and now the end of year goals are in jeapody of being unfullfilled.

What is most concerning is the sheer endevour, hardness and mental toughness this team has shown in the fortnight which is most "unRichmond like".

I thought by dropping Coughlan because of his "unknown" injury that would mean we would be 1 quality midfielder down thus hindering our teams chances even further but guys like Hartigan, this week Richo and last week Hilton have stepped up and let not only myself but the RFC down with displaying brilliance.

I have consulted our coaching panel since sundays win and now we are toying with the idea of dropping the top 3 players from last week for misconduct, because heads will roll!!

with 15 games left this season it is most likely that this proud club will win the required 3 more games thus extingiushing anychance of us obtaining a priority pick and first pick in the 2004/2005 draft.

Hell I will even place my head on the chopping block if these team goals cannot be fullfilled by season end, but I will say its still a mathematical possibly of getting these well needed draft concessions, we have the dogs, port at port and the eagles in perth over the next 3 weeks to get our season back on track.

 

[Piping Shrike]

Leadership group crisis

Pursuant to the comments of coach required, the RFC leadership group announces that it is in crisis.

In line with club goals, the leadership group had successfully disengaged from all aspects of leadership, was avoiding all fitness work, and was focussed on petty squabbling about car parks and separate lounges (and we're still waiting). However, another group of players (Hyde, Hartigan, Hilton etc.) appear to be forming an alternative leadership group - and one that shows on ground leadership at that.

The leadership group therefore states for the record that such treason will not be tolerated. We shall redouble our efforts and ensure that coach required gets the support he wants, and shall triple our efforts to that effect once we get our car parks.

*The leadership group also notes the possible formation of a third group - a players grog squad - the objectives of this group are as yet unclear, but we believe the judicious placement of drinkcards in lockers 24 and 36 will extinguish any coherent challenge from this group.

 

[Fishfinger]

Runner's Report

Discarding flea's teeth 2 weeks ago and using my own has worked wonders. Now when I take out messages from Coach the players don't look at me blankly and run around aimlessly.
Clarity is very important so that when I convey "Yeah, nah" and "Stick fat" the players fully understand and carry out the message to the letter.

 

[itsintheblood]

.Report: Fitness Coach

After the disappointments of the last three weeks, it was a big relief to see the boys back to their true form against the hopelessly undermanned power side on Sat nite.

We were right on our game plan of being second to the ball, missing our targets by 10 meters, not being able to get the pill past our centreline, kicking only 1 goal to halftime, and being down by 10 goals at the main break which we've managed to achieve on several other occasions this year. We also saw some brilliant work from Brad Ottens marking on the power goal line and kicking out on the full with no pressure. The boys really stuck to their guns and their fitness levels were really pleasing. Jogging to AAMI stadium from punt road obviously had the desired effect I was hoping for. This will be continued this week for the eagles match.

Disappointed with the form of bowden though. He seemed to show too much stamina and amassed an unacceptable 43 posessions. We'll be giving Joel some extra work to do this week to reduce is aerobic capacity. All in all, it was a relief to not come away with the 4 points this week.

 

[Piping Shrike]

Newsflash - leadership group to stick fat.

The tigers leadership group can confirm that, following the poor performance on Saturday, it has decided to stick fat.

"We've decided to stick fat" said one leadership group member, when asked. "It seems the only thing to do".

Sources report Coach Required is backing the group all the way on this one. "I'm backing them all the way one this one" said the coach, when asked.

 

[Showbag]

Dieticians Report

I find myself going crazy in this place. Every player has taken the "Stick fat" too literally and are now loading themselves up with it before a match. I feel ashamed of how players have abuse my leniency and "stuck fat" into almost every meal. Protein shakes have been replaced by McDonald's thick shakes, chicken fillets replaced by KFC and fried breakfasts have become the norm.

I'm sure the there was good intentions behind "Stick fat" but gee, it's time that we all realised the dangers of "Sticking Fat" in the mouthes of young, athletic footballers.

 

[itsintheblood]

Re: Dieticians Report

Originally posted by Showbag
I find myself going crazy in this place. Every player has taken the "Stick fat" too literally and are now loading themselves up with it before a match. I feel ashamed of how players have abuse my leniency and "stuck fat" into almost every meal. Protein shakes have been replaced by McDonald's thick shakes, chicken fillets replaced by KFC and fried breakfasts have become the norm.

I'm sure the there was good intentions behind "Stick fat" but gee, it's time that we all realised the dangers of "Sticking Fat" in the mouthes of young, athletic footballers.

Well as fitness coach, i couldnt be more happy with the boys "Sticking Fat" in every orifice they can find. It makes my job a lot easier knowing we're piling on the kg's before every game.

 

[Tigerrific]

Tiger Survivor

There is an exciting new game at Tigerland.... "Tiger Survivor"

The team is sent into a harsh unforgiving environment (eg. the MCG, Telstra Dome, AAMI Stadium etc.) to test the teams survival skills. At the end of the game (assuming that we lose) someone gets voted off the team and sent back to Coburg.

So far Joel Bowden, David Rodan, Shane Morrison, Ty Zantuck and Kayne Pettifer have all been voted off the team. However in a new twist to the game the board of Directors have joined in the fun.

Apart from the three directors voted off previously, Ian Campbell has just been ousted.

Rumours abound that the coaching department, Darren Gaspar and the President are all in danger of being the next eliminated.

So check out the next exciting episode of Tiger Survivor and cast your votes for the next player, administrator or coach to be voted out and see who remains as the Tiger's "Sole Survivor"

 

[Piping Shrike]

Finals bonus demand

The leadership group announces that it is considering strike action to ensure that our finals bonus payments are made next week:

"Our coach has told us we're playing a final this week, and our contracts include bonus payments for finals games. We fought for that clause last year - even though the club admin fell on the floor laughing when we traded off our free milk and biscuits for it. Well who's laughing now boys?"

The leadership group notes the dispute could continue: "mathematical modelling suggests we could be playing finals for another 4 to 5 weeks beyond this."

 

[itsintheblood]

The fitness coach wishes to advise that the adoption of the "sticking fat" fitness regime and scoffing down "cherry ripes" during the eagles match worked a treat. Our players were staring victory down the barrel at half time in perth but a timely delivery of cherry ripes by cadburys ensured we went out to play with full stomachs and played accordingly.

We have enlisted the services of Don Smallgoods as our major sponsor this week who will be supplying pig lard which will be handed to the players on saturday morning to cook their bacon and eggs.

 

[Punt_Road_Roar]

*bump*


I have just spent a good half hour going over this thread again and its full of absolute pearlers


LMAO !!!!!


definately poetry in motion, loved the first page about Mr Terry Wallace taking over.... how true!!!

 

[Punt_Road_Roar]

Newest Headline

Cairo retains RFC presidency

Cairo has won the recent RFC board election against alternative ticket with a majority vote despite being responsible for losing $2.2 million last year....................



LOL Cairo sorry mate, but I found this humourous considering you are so anti Casey

 

[Hammerfire]

This is some funny ********!!

Maybe we should start a new version of this?

 

[Tigerrific]

Ahhh... Brings back memories of a great way to get through a terrible season.
Everybody really seemed to be having some fun (even though the team was losing). It was great to read it all again

 

[julzqld]

I really must apologise that due to personal commitments I was unable to fulfill my duties as Senior Masseuse to the team as much as I would have liked. Hence, the rapid decline in form. In truth, they wore my fingers out!

 

[Hammerfire]

By the sounds of it, you worked a bit too much on Richo, now look at the size of him!

 

[julzqld]

Sigh, sigh - a job well done

 

[Tigerrific]

For old times sake....

Current Geelong Player to join the Richmond Board of Directors

The Richmond Football Club has announced today that current Geelong player David Wojcinski is set to join the Richmond Board...

In an unprecedented move, one of the newly re-elected board members is about to stand aside to enable David "Monica" Wojcinski the opportunity to join the Tigers board as President Clinton's personal assistant.

President Clinton is believed to be "very excited" about the appointment and looking forward to working very closely with his new member, while 'Monica' Wojcinski said that he was determined to "suckseed" in his new role.

Both men were recently spotted enjoying a celebratory cigar to finalise their union...

 

[tigerfella]

PRESS RELEASE CRIKET AUSTRALIA

Criket Australia chair Jimmy Southlands has threatened to take legal action against the Richmond Football club if it goes ahead with its Baked Bean experiment against Hawthorn in Round 6 2005.
"Criket Australia holds all rights regarding the use of Baked Beans in sport." said Jimmy, between bursts of loud fart like emmissions,"Warnie wont be letting anyone use baked beans on the MCG or the Dome for that matter."

 

[Tigerrific]

Welcome to the Richmond Board tigerfella