- Jul 16, 2007
- AFL Club
- Other Teams
- Lamb on the spit
I am going to celebrate your new zen state of mindfulness by having a beer.I’ve been WFH for about a million years now and yesterday I had to go into the office for a meeting. Which meant I noticed that my office type clothes seemed a bit tight on me. And I discovered that I have gained over 4 kilos over the past 6 months.
So I’ve put myself on a diet, starting today. Or not a diet (apparently), more a ‘long-term cognitive strategy to develop healthy eating habits through mindfulness’.
I’m not sure about it so far though. I’ve been so ******* mindful that I think about food all day, which makes me hungry. I found myself contemplating lunch at about a quarter-to-eleven, and had to mindfully eat a grapefruit to make it until one. And I’ve just turned of the notifications from this mindful eating app because it keeps dinging at me to send “you’re doing great” type messages and giving me coins and badges and s**t.
I had the genius idea of making a kind of vegetable stir-fry with those miracle noodles that have virtually no calories that kind of expand in your stomach. So now I’m totally full with miracle noodles but the way I’m heading I won’t meet my minimum calorie target by bedtime and the app will get all angry with me because that’s not healthy and all. Plus my intestines are starting to make a symphony of digestive noises to alert me that they are confused by the sudden surplus of fibre that they are attempting to deal with. I sound like my stomach is housing a family of meerkats. I’m not sure either of us will be able to face my mid-afternoon mindful watermelon.
Plus I’m having a day off today because of reasons that I invented for telling the boss purposes. Which is great because I can at least deal with the constant messages and hi-5s from my 1:1 “food coach” that sounds suspiciously like a bot created in the US. I tried asking him some questions, to lay a trap rather than caring about the answers, but he keeps hi-5ing and telling me I’m going great. But what with the app interactions and eating food in a slow and appreciative mindful way, savouring the flavours and textures and all, and scheduling the 3k walk that I have committed to as part of my daily goals, I probably won’t be able to work ever again because I don’t have the ******* time.
I’m about to have my afternoon contemplation time. I am trying to explain to my bot friend that I’m trying to fit into my jeans, not reach some kind of peak Buddhist state of mind thing, but he just sends me hi-5s. I’m going to go now and savour the flavours and textures of my soda-stream fizzy water with two ice cubes and a slice of decorative ginger.
Oh, almost forgot. Hi-5 to you good lady for your fine efforts!