I posted this on my home board. Thought you folks might appreciate it ...
I was sitting in a coffee shop yesterday, and in walked Peter Sidwell (Mick Malthouse's manager) and Mark
Ricciuto and they sat down next to me. I overheard their conversation ...
PS: "Good to meet up Mark, how are things going at Adelaide?"
MR: "Oh, look mate, everybody's doing it tough as you can imagine. This is going to take us some time to get over it, although you probably never truly get over something like that."
PS: "Yes indeed, it must be difficult for the whole footy club. Look, I've got some great news for you ... Mick Malthouse is very very sympathetic about what's happened there at Adelaide, and he's agreed to come in as your next coach for a heavily discounted rate, ya know, $700K to $800K. Do you want him to start now, or would you prefer to wait until the end of the season?"
<Mark coughs violently, spluttering his cappuccino all over the table>
MR: "Oh" <cough> "pardon me" <cough, cough> "sorry, I really swallowed the wrong way then" <cough cough cough> Tears are streaming down his face "Look Peter, thank Mick for his very very generous offer, but we don't want to impose on him. He's worked very hard for many years, and the bloke deserves a break ..."
PS: "Oh, look, no worries, I understand entirely. You folks are struggling with that Adelaide Oval deal, that's probably a lot of coin, what do you say about $300k? It's a bargain."
MR: "No, I don't want to offend but ..."
PS: "$100k?"
MR: "No mate"
PS: "Free, he'll do it for free!" He looks up to the ceiling, he spreads his arms expansively, and says whistfully "I can see the headline in the Herald Sun now ... 'The good Samaritan rides into town to rescue The Crows' "
MR: "It's 'The Advertiser' where we are mate ..."
PS: "Oh, yeah, but that's in Adelaide, what's that got to do with it? "
MR: "Look, thank Mick for his very generous offer, but we're not interested."
PS: "Look, Mick has made a lot of money out of this coaching caper over the years, because, as you know, he's a very very good football coach. Perhaps he could make a generous donation? "
MR: "No"
PS: "Just think about it as if you would be taking money off Carlton, Collingwood and West Coast ..."
MR: "Look, I'm trying to be polite here Peter ..."
PR: "Yeah, yeah, I get it, things aren't like they used to be. These days you want to do your fancy new age 'processes' of interviews and due diligence ... So when would you be wanting to interview Mick? He's available next Thursday in the morning, or, let me check his diary .... 21st August"
MR: "Nah mate, look ..."
PR: "He'll even fly to Adelaide for the interview ..."
MR: "Nah mate, look ..."
PR: "Economy class"
MR: "Nah mate, look ..."
PR: "Hel'll pay for the ticket himself!"
MR: "Nah mate, look ..."
PR: "Oh, I get it, you young new age folk are environmentally conscious. You want to do it over a video conference ... look, you just can't get the whole Mick Malthouse experience over a video conference. Besides, he'd prefer to drive all the way to Adelaide than have to deal with technology..."
MR: "Nah, look, we're not interested in interviewing Mick at all."
PS: "At all? You're not interested in interviewing a 700+ AFL game coach, 4 Premierships ..."
MR: "Look mate, he's worked hard, it's time he enjoyed his retirement"
Peter starts crying ...
PS: "Please, Mark, please, have a heart <sob, sob> give the bloke an interview, give him a chance"
MR: "Sorry, I can't do that"
PS: "OK, don't give him a chance, just give him an interview, just go through the motions like"
Mark shakes his head
PS: "Will you just have a coffee and a chat with him?"
MR: "Look, if I have coffee with him, you know and I know that it will get sucked into the Malthouse web. It'll get leaked and spun in the media that we're interviewing him for the coaching job, and before we know it, we'll have 25% of the membership cancel, the club will get inundated with hate mail, and we'll have a merry mess to clean up ....
... Hang on, is that bloke out the front taking a photo of us???

..."
PS: "Gotta go now, thanks Mark, bye!"