- Joined
- Dec 21, 1999
- Posts
- 18,587
- Reaction score
- 31,911
- Location
- Far North Fitzroy
- AFL Club
- Brisbane Lions
- Other Teams
- Fitzroy FC
Once upon a time, in a kingdom not too far away, there lived a brave and noble King.
And this King was much loved by all who dwelt in the Kingdom known as Colling-Wood, for, just as many of his loyal subjects were, King Eddie the Omnipresent was born into a peasant family in a run down village called Braw-Dee.
And the King felt at one with his people, and they with him.
Now, King Eddie was never one to shy away from the populace. In fact, once a week he would call a number of peasants into the royal courtyard and allow them the chance to win great wealth.
"All thou needest do is answereth thy following questions in correct manner, and one million weight of silver shall be thine," King Eddie would proclaim. Alas, no man was able to complete the royal task in full, for their wisdom was no match for their King's.
And it came to pass that in the third year of his reign, King Eddie did summon his highest-ranking General, Sir Michael of Malthouse, to his court.
"Sir Michael," the King began, "As thou wouldest be aware, the Kingdom of Colling-Wood is to be invaded, this Sunday, by the heathens of the Brisbanite Empire, led by that traitorous knave, the Duke of Lethal. Now, many years may have passed by since their last successful attack on our region, when they did conquer our allies from the neighbouring Kingdom of Fitz-Roy and overthrow their King, Dyson the Bereft; so therefore, be aware that the Law of Averages suggest they are overdue to succeed once more!"
"Quite right, Your Majesty," Sir Michael agreed.
"I therefore chargeth thou, Sir Michael, with the responsibility of rallying, not only thine own troops, but also the citizens of my Kingdom."
"Sire, thy wish is my command," aquiesced Sir Michael.
So, Sir Michael of Malthouse went forth into the streets and preached the name of Colling-Wood to all who would listen.
"The Kingdom of Colling-Wood has to be feared by all," Sir Michael advised, "Our people must show hostility towards our enemies."
And the scribes that had gathered around Sir Michael did repeat his words in the daily parchments, and this did please King Eddie the Omnipresent greatly.
Finally, the great day of battle did arrive, and multitudes of Colling-Woodites did congregate at the battle ground, salivating in anticipation of many a bloody death amongst the heathen invaders from the north.
When Lord Nathan of Figjam did lead his black and white army into battle, his countrymen all stood and marvelled and, led by Viscount Joffa the Bemulleted, they did belt out a hearty rendition of their anthem 'Ye Olde Colling-Wood Forever'.
When it was the turn of the mighty Brisbanite warrior, Sir Michael of Voss, to lead his battalion into the warzone, the Colling-Woodites did turn feral. And there was much cursing and spitting and tossing of half-eaten pies.
For two full hours the battle did wage. Firstly, the Brisbanites did advance, then Colling-Wood had its turn to attack after Lord Nathan was rescued from behind enemy lines.
But, in the end, it was the Duke of Lethal, Sir Michael of Voss and their Brisbanite comrades that did conquer enemy territory and the black and white hordes. And after the fighting was over, the mighty Brisbanite warriors did return home with the spoils of victory.
Meanwhile, as King Eddie the Omnipresent was watching his army's defeat unfold from on high, he observed as the citizens of Colling-Wood did desert the battleground before the ceasefire was called, making it a lonely place for those surviving warriors that remained on the battlefield.
So, King Eddie came down to his people and spake forth, "My loyal subjects, thy lack of effort today caused much bitterness and resentment to come upon my heart, so to punish you, I shall inviteth Big King Jack the Emphysemic back onto The Footy Show."
And there was much sorrow and gnashing of teeth in the land.
And so, despite a winter of much taunting and provoking of the armies of other kingdoms, the good citizens of Colling-Wood did look forward to another Springtime devoid of battle.
THE END
And this King was much loved by all who dwelt in the Kingdom known as Colling-Wood, for, just as many of his loyal subjects were, King Eddie the Omnipresent was born into a peasant family in a run down village called Braw-Dee.
And the King felt at one with his people, and they with him.
Now, King Eddie was never one to shy away from the populace. In fact, once a week he would call a number of peasants into the royal courtyard and allow them the chance to win great wealth.
"All thou needest do is answereth thy following questions in correct manner, and one million weight of silver shall be thine," King Eddie would proclaim. Alas, no man was able to complete the royal task in full, for their wisdom was no match for their King's.
And it came to pass that in the third year of his reign, King Eddie did summon his highest-ranking General, Sir Michael of Malthouse, to his court.
"Sir Michael," the King began, "As thou wouldest be aware, the Kingdom of Colling-Wood is to be invaded, this Sunday, by the heathens of the Brisbanite Empire, led by that traitorous knave, the Duke of Lethal. Now, many years may have passed by since their last successful attack on our region, when they did conquer our allies from the neighbouring Kingdom of Fitz-Roy and overthrow their King, Dyson the Bereft; so therefore, be aware that the Law of Averages suggest they are overdue to succeed once more!"
"Quite right, Your Majesty," Sir Michael agreed.
"I therefore chargeth thou, Sir Michael, with the responsibility of rallying, not only thine own troops, but also the citizens of my Kingdom."
"Sire, thy wish is my command," aquiesced Sir Michael.
So, Sir Michael of Malthouse went forth into the streets and preached the name of Colling-Wood to all who would listen.
"The Kingdom of Colling-Wood has to be feared by all," Sir Michael advised, "Our people must show hostility towards our enemies."
And the scribes that had gathered around Sir Michael did repeat his words in the daily parchments, and this did please King Eddie the Omnipresent greatly.
Finally, the great day of battle did arrive, and multitudes of Colling-Woodites did congregate at the battle ground, salivating in anticipation of many a bloody death amongst the heathen invaders from the north.
When Lord Nathan of Figjam did lead his black and white army into battle, his countrymen all stood and marvelled and, led by Viscount Joffa the Bemulleted, they did belt out a hearty rendition of their anthem 'Ye Olde Colling-Wood Forever'.
When it was the turn of the mighty Brisbanite warrior, Sir Michael of Voss, to lead his battalion into the warzone, the Colling-Woodites did turn feral. And there was much cursing and spitting and tossing of half-eaten pies.
For two full hours the battle did wage. Firstly, the Brisbanites did advance, then Colling-Wood had its turn to attack after Lord Nathan was rescued from behind enemy lines.
But, in the end, it was the Duke of Lethal, Sir Michael of Voss and their Brisbanite comrades that did conquer enemy territory and the black and white hordes. And after the fighting was over, the mighty Brisbanite warriors did return home with the spoils of victory.
Meanwhile, as King Eddie the Omnipresent was watching his army's defeat unfold from on high, he observed as the citizens of Colling-Wood did desert the battleground before the ceasefire was called, making it a lonely place for those surviving warriors that remained on the battlefield.
So, King Eddie came down to his people and spake forth, "My loyal subjects, thy lack of effort today caused much bitterness and resentment to come upon my heart, so to punish you, I shall inviteth Big King Jack the Emphysemic back onto The Footy Show."
And there was much sorrow and gnashing of teeth in the land.
And so, despite a winter of much taunting and provoking of the armies of other kingdoms, the good citizens of Colling-Wood did look forward to another Springtime devoid of battle.
THE END
