While we're umpire bashing, the umpires in the reserves have been absolute rubbish this season. It will only be a matter of time before the most basic error costs a team a final or an important match.

I understand that lack of numbers is an issue, but surely both sides would benefit by providing 1 club umpire each on match day. The current situation where old blokes "run" around and pay decisions in the forward/back pockets when they are still in the centre square is an absolute joke

The benefits of two club umpires:

Twice the ground being covered.

The players know how/what their own club umpire will pay free kicks for.

The umpires would've actually played a game and let the game flow.
Our umpire on the weekend paid a mark to one of my teammates. As he "marked" the ball, the opponent hit the ball out of his hands and disputed the decision. The umpires response was: "I would've paid the mark if you didn't knock it out of his hands". WTF does that mean

I asked my opponent if he knew what that meant and we just laughed.
For the whole game no one had any idea what he was paying. I don't think the umpire did to be honest.

And how many times in reserves football (and seniors for that matter) do umpires reward a tackle when the player never had time to get rid of it? Where in the rules does it say: because it's a great tackle, a free kick has to be paid?

They get totally caught up in the theatrics. All that boils down to is basic knowledge of the rules. And maybe if they play one game they would understand.
I'm glad that's off my chest!