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jumboprince

FLACCID MEMBER
Oct 16, 2011
10,628
23,776
AFL Club
Adelaide
Other Teams
Yahl Cricket Club
One of the guys at work was so fed up with me making jokes about his sexuality, he picked up a kitchen knife, attacked me with it, yet somehow managed to miss every vital organ.



What a shit stabber
 

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Wayne Dwop

All Australian
Apr 16, 2016
716
1,355
AFL Club
Western Bulldogs
Tom Hanks survived 4 years on an island as a castaway

He spent a year in an airport without being able to leave
Caught AIDS in Philadelphia
He was in World War II and rescued Private Ryan;
He went to Vietnam and rescued Lieutenant Dan
Was on a boat kidnapped by Somali pirates
Survived Apollo 13 trying to reach the Moon
Landed a Boeing on the Hudson River
If that son of a bitch dies of coronavirus , we are ALL IN BIG TROUBLE!
 

Concussion test

Adelaide Football Club. Established 1865
May 19, 2019
114
173
AFL Club
Adelaide
A wife was standing naked in front of a mirror and not happy with what she saw.

"I feel so fat and ugly. My breasts are saggy, my arse is huge and my thighs are covered in cellulite."
She turned to her husband desperately needing some reassurance.
After an awkward silence he offered......... "Well dear, at least your eyesight is still perfect."
 

worbod

Premiership Player
Oct 26, 2008
4,905
5,679
Bendigo
AFL Club
Western Bulldogs
Other Teams
Liverpool
A post from a woman on Facebook:

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn’t have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I’m sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, “My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we?” I didn’t respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal...some shopping, cleaning, cooking.
After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, “Mommy, where’s my washcloth?”
I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."
 

Run n Spread

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 2, 2013
8,139
5,671
AFL Club
Collingwood
Doctor to Gambler: Do you want the good news or bad news first?
Gambler: May as well start with the bad:
Dr: You have a disease that is fatal for 90% of people.
Gambler: That's awful. What's the good news then?
Dr: The last 9 patients I treated all died.
 

Run n Spread

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 2, 2013
8,139
5,671
AFL Club
Collingwood
The Police chased after a well known thief named Harry Fukbrake. After chasing him through the CBD they saw him enter they saw him enter a factory.

Upon arriving the Police went straight up to the Foreman and stated: "Right there must be a Fukbrake somewhere in here."
"Christ" replied the foreman "Who runs your union? We only just lobbied for a 15 minute tea break."
 

GreyCrow

TheBrownDog
Mar 21, 2016
50,417
74,899
Down South Corvus Tristis
AFL Club
Adelaide
Other Teams
Sturt, Redskins , White Sox
The Police chased after a well known thief named Harry Fukbrake. After chasing him through the CBD they saw him enter they saw him enter a factory.

Upon arriving the Police went straight up to the Foreman and stated: "Right there must be a Fukbrake somewhere in here."
"Christ" replied the foreman "Who runs your union? We only just lobbied for a 15 minute tea break."
Wow , that took me back 50+ years and the adventures of Fukerarda
 

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