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CliffMcTainshaw

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Apr 11, 2015
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My daughter couldn't work out why I suddenly got excited when watching an episode of Peppa Pig. Picked Panda straight away as David Mitchell.

That episode of WILTY where he goes on a rant about killing fish is sublime.
And Jo Brand is Mrs Crocodile.
 

spenze

Turgid Member
Oct 16, 2011
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And Mrs Rabbitt is done by the same woman who came up with "Crapston Villas", one of the funniest series I have seen. Clay animation set in inner city London housing estate
 

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Wallaby

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May 8, 2007
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Are churches covered against being struck by lightning?

Surely, that's an Act of God and thus deliberate damage by the owner?
 

spenze

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Oct 16, 2011
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The luxury home where Oscar Pistorius shot dead girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp has been sold for $250,000. That's $100,000 less than the asking price. Looks like someone's made a killing there.
 

Concussion test

Adelaide Football Club. Established 1860
May 19, 2019
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The luxury home where Oscar Pistorius shot dead girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp has been sold for $250,000. That's $100,000 less than the asking price. Looks like someone's made a killing there.
Strange that.... Who doesn't like a well ventilated bathroom?
 

Mofra

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The luxury home where Oscar Pistorius shot dead girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp has been sold for $250,000. That's $100,000 less than the asking price. Looks like someone's made a killing there.
Well they couldn't renovate the bathroom. One of the old owners was dead against it.
 

spenze

Turgid Member
Oct 16, 2011
13,093
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My wife and I were lying in bed this morning. When she said she thought the romance had gone out of our marriage.


It really made it hard for me to finish my wank
 

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spenze

Turgid Member
Oct 16, 2011
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A mate of mine is a paranoid schizophrenic.



He used to be a regular schizophrenic, but I've been paying people to follow him.
 

Nebula1971

Club Legend
Feb 19, 2005
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While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter.

'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he went down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he found himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar and champagne

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it's time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and wave whilst the elevator rises....

The elevator rises and the door opens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.

24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

When the doors open he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ‘I don't understand,' stammers the MP.

'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?

The devil looks at him, smiles and says,

'Yesterday we were campaigning -

Today you voted’.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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