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Cuzz09 said:
snuh?

On SM-G925I using BigFooty.com mobile app
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"Bananas without the B is just pineapple"

ananas is how they say pineapple in French!!!


tenor.gif
 
I went to the library and asked to borrow a book on suicide. The librarian said, "Fk off, you won't bring it back!"
 
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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband,
mentioning the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

" Rome ? ... Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty...You're crazy to go to Rome .. so how are you getting there?"

"QANTAS" was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"QANTAS?" exclaimed the hairdresser.. .."That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their Flight Attendants are ugly, and they’re always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome‘s 'Tiber River called Tesse”

"Don't go any further. I know that place everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"Ha. That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.
Boy, good luck on this trip of yours. You're going to need it........"

A month later, the woman came in to the hairdressing shop. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome:

"It was wonderful," explained the woman,

"not only were we on time in one of QANTAS's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us to first class.
The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job. Now it’s a jewel.
The finest hotel in the city. As they too, were overbooked, they apologized, offering us the owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I bet you didn’t get to see the Pope “

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured The Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, explaining the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors at random - if I'd be so kind to step into his private room and wait, His Holiness would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand.

I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me"

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

He said: "Who the * did your hair?"
 
I failed a job interview last week.

Apparently a gangbang isn't proof you can work as part of a team.
 
GoEaglesGoSGIO said:
I failed a job interview last week

Apparantly when the HR person asked for a example of something I finished off quickly, Myself wasnt the answer she was looking for
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I went for a job interview last week. I got called back for a second interview on Friday. The interviewer told me I had performed so well in my first interview that I was one of just 3 people they had narrowed it down to, from the 302 who had applied for the job. He looked me in they eye and said, "Well you've already told us about your outstanding positive qualities, can you give me an example of a negative trait you have". I though furiously, well aware that my answer could win or lose me the job. I replied "I'm too honest for my own good." The interviewer said "Well I don't really think that is a negative, I'd class that as a positive."
I replied "I don't give a F@uck what you think."
 
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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
 
Scott Morrison was visiting a Sydney primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mr Morrison if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.
So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy'
A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing' in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.'
'Incorrect,' said Mr Morrison. 'That would be an accident.'
A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everybody inside, that would be a tragedy.'
'I'm afraid not', explained Mr Morrison, 'that's what we would refer to as a great loss'.
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Morrison searched the room.
'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand and said: 'If a plane carrying you, Peter Dutton and Gladys Berejiklian was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.'
'Fantastic' exclaimed Morrison, 'and can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?'
'Well', said Johnny, 'it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be a f@ucking accident either!'
 
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