Perfect long term relationships that go sour

[craigos]

Davey Warner just grabbed the willow and said dish that s**t up and I'm smashing you to the car park ...lol.

Brilliant

 

[Billy ray]

Just a heads up and I don't want to harsh the vibe ( yes people still say this) . Its great the re-invention is happening and its great there is positivity , but from personal experience there is a cliff. I found myself throwing a small get together as part of the moving on about 3 months after. Spent the night crying to everyone about what I had done and what I had lost etc.

The best thing was having supportive friends, but it was such a reversal of how I was feeling. But it was part of the moving on. Accept it and understand it but don't let it hold you or make you make poor choices.

Good heads up. I was considering a party - a housewarming party- to celebrate the family home title changing to my name only when i buy her out. But i was fearful of exactly what you just outlined. So perhaps i wont.
Besides, i really dont have any friends which are not mutual ones so it may have been awkward in any case.

 

[dave123]

Ok lads date 1 went well ...walked talked ....

Then lunch 3 hours together all up.

She's a chef

A big hug at the end. She wanted to catch up again. I'm not rushing. I'm 8 weeks from the atomic bomb blast

But girl knows it ...she's been out of her relationship for a year. All good

Moving day this Friday ...yay. The ex doesn't know about date but hey she might know something as we went to a cafe for lunch ...care factor zero. I'm thinking I can't tell her and I'm not going to be controlled by her anymore

Once someone pulls stumps it's over for me, I won't be disrespectful and I won't be jumping into the sack anytime soon with her. Slow and steady. Really slow.

What it has it done restored my faith in life a bit ..thats never a bad thing. She's sporty and lies. Plays, golf, tennis and likes footy (what else does a man need? )

If my kids were 17-19 they would go high five dad ...way to go

 

[Smoooothy]

its really great to see you've got your s**t together!

I'm starting to believe more and more that I'm a worthless piece of s**t. I don't like me, I hate that I'm a loser, that I'm a loner, that I don't have many friends, that I'm fat, that I'm ugly, that I don't deserve to be any sort of happy. i hate that i seem to project this onto the people that i deal with

i just want it to all end, make the pain stop (not in the ultimate way in case its seen that way)

but in a positive, i get to see Ebby and RJ this weekend. I'm so excited about that. their dad may be ****ed in the head and generally loathed, but i love them so much. that's all that matters i think anyway

 

[GreyCrow]

its really great to see you've got your s**t together!

I'm starting to believe more and more that I'm a worthless piece of s**t. I don't like me, I hate that I'm a loser, that I'm a loner, that I don't have many friends, that I'm fat, that I'm ugly, that I don't deserve to be any sort of happy. i hate that i seem to project this onto the people that i deal with

i just want it to all end, make the pain stop (not in the ultimate way in case its seen that way)

but in a positive, i get to see Ebby and RJ this weekend. I'm so excited about that. their dad may be stuffed in the head and generally loathed, but i love them so much. that's all that matters i think anyway

Smooth , we all feel the pain. Hold on to your kids and tell them you love them, then whisper to yourself I love me too.

Those words you tell yourself cant be banished overnight. They are the voices of our families and ourselves. What I would want you to do is change it up slightly .

I am a loser but I will turn into a winner.

I am a loner but it is ok to be comfortable in my own company. My friends I do have are more important than hangers on.

I am fat but I am working on it , look at all the weight I HAVE lost so far. I think I am ugly but I scored last weekend.

 

[Billy ray]

Lets all hang in there fellas.

We can get thru this.

We are all at different stages. And dealing with it differently. With both different and the same challenges and specific circumstances.

But we will come out of it better people. Better men. Better dads. Better potential partners.

And in five or ten years we can look back at this thread and laugh like we do at other old threads that get bumped.

 

[Smoooothy]

Smooth , we all feel the pain. Hold on to your kids and tell them you love them, then whisper to yourself I love me too.

Those words you tell yourself cant be banished overnight. They are the voices of our families and ourselves. What I would want you to do is change it up slightly .

I am a loser but I will turn into a winner.

I am a loner but it is ok to be comfortable in my own company. My friends I do have are more important than hangers on.

I am fat but I am working on it , look at all the weight I HAVE lost so far. I think I am ugly but I scored last weekend.

thanks dude

I "think" I'm a good guy. some people like me, most don't. their ******* loss IMO. so what, I've got a bit of arrogance about me. most people do to an extent. I'm no different. even on somewhere like BF, I used to care if people liked me or not, I really can't be ****ed what people think of me anymore. its funny how that's changed in 5 or 6 months. can't expect everyone to like you, or you like everyone. it's just not feasable

I'm certainly no Crowy anyway!

talking to 3 new women at the moment, its been really nice to be contacted first. very unexpected and a nice little boost to the confidence. one of them I am very very interested in meeting, the other 2 are nice but I don't think there will be anything there. see how we go.

I've made a nice group of friends through reddit too. hanging out with those cats a couple times a week is probably the highlight of my week at the moment

I had a small freak out on Saturday night where I couldn't control the tears again. just wanted someone to hug me. didn't happen of course and that's ok, woke up sunday and felt good

 

[Smoooothy]

Small update. The one who I was interested in is also quite interested in me, and we're going on a date Friday!

 

[dave123]

Hey guys

Second date tomorrow (same girl)

She rang me tonight and we had a great conversation ....deep with laughs

It went for 1.5 hours ...she knows where I'm at ...she was there two years ago

She's not trying to rescue me. We just connected. She is a really nice tall country girl who has pure heart too.

It's been 5 weeks since our official break up but really our break up was two years ago ...no sex for almost 2 years ...no connection

Big week ...new place ..new tv, grand final and a really nice girl to chill with ....she just gets life

I'm still riding my bike everyday .....she said to me you love to ride - I said it it heals wounds

She got it. My words aren't suddenly healed becaise I've gone on two dates .....no takes way longer

But the journey back up to "base camp" has begun

 

[FootyJunkie]

Hey guys

Second date tomorrow (same girl)

She rang me tonight and we had a great conversation ....deep with laughs

It went for 1.5 hours ...she knows where I'm at ...she was there two years ago

She's not trying to rescue me. We just connected. She is a really nice tall country girl who has pure heart too.

It's been 5 weeks since our official break up but really our break up was two years ago ...no sex for almost 2 years ...no connection

Big week ...new place ..new tv, grand final and a really nice girl to chill with ....she just gets life

I'm still riding my bike everyday .....she said to me you love to ride - I said it it heals wounds

She got it. My words aren't suddenly healed becaise I've gone on two dates .....no takes way longer

But the journey back up to "base camp" has begun

good work, although i personally would keep the phone calls short, save the conversation for the dates

 

[W. Smithers]

I had been with my partner for close to 10 years.

She was already divorced, and things got serious really quickly. She pretty much moved in straight away and things were good. We then moved out of the share rental and rented our own place. We hit it off and seemed a perfect match.

There was no hurry to get married, she'd done it before and we wanted kids first, we got a boy and a girl, bought a house and things were fantastic.

Then in February this year, all of a sudden (to me) she started watching TV in the other room, started going to bed without saying goodnight and just didn't seem to want anything to do with me. She said she was under pressure at work, she also had a medical procedure coming up, so I thought maybe she's quite nervous about that. Then one night I got home and she was crying, said we needed to talk. She said she had no feelings for me at all, she didn't feel loved or appreciated and she'd been feeling this way since September of the year before, unbeknownst to me. The next night I said i'd change and we'd start spending more time together as a couple and have the kids babysat etc. but I was told that it was over.

 

[dave123]

good work, although i personally would keep the phone calls short, save the conversation for the dates

Yeah agree

Sometimes just listening

If you can listen to a woman then that's all they want

Date 2 went well ...lunch out in public ...some kissing ...wow who me...yeah nice

Moving day tomorrow, place looks great. I'm back exercising eating well ...I'm leaving. But you it does t feel sad anymore and there's some excitement in my life. It's staggering 6 weeks ago I listed how my life was in tatters

The one thing that got me through it ...well two things ....my workplace is rock solid and they support me fully

Good mates who aren't piss heads ....quiet ale is ok, getting ripped torn drink does not fix anything

I wrote this down In my journal about 5 weeks ago

I've been hit by life's bus, if I sit here on the road crying about it and complaining about and blaming everyone I'll get hit by another bus.

I got off the road and dusted myself ...licked my wounds (they will take a while longer by the way) but I needed to find a bus stop to catch a bus to a different life. I just kept saying ...even aloud in the car while driving "I am a good man"

Exercise, therapy, good food, exercise, freindships and golf have helped me massively ...connections and building new bridges ....not crossing the deep river on my own.

I have some ways to go still - but I'm nailing it

Oddly I looked at my ex wife this morning and I can honestly say she does t look so sharp now ....but to be honest that's for her to figure out. I have a hunch she knows I'm dating someone - it's town of 40,000 not hard to work out. It's dating not marriage.

Boys you can recover .....you can

You just have to accept the pain not push it way or submerge it deeper ....

Do some work ...counselling

Exercise to get your dopamine levels going again ...dopamine is crucial

Be around good people ....ditch your s**t freinds who are Hangers on

Eat well ......critical

Be patient

Dont bitch and complain about the ex too much ...yes vent if needed but keep it balanced

Get back to doing the things you love ...be selfish for a bit ...it's about You Not her.

 

[dave123]

I had been with my partner for close to 10 years.

She was already divorced, and things got serious really quickly. She pretty much moved in straight away and things were good. We then moved out of the share rental and rented our own place. We hit it off and seemed a perfect match.

There was no hurry to get married, she'd done it before and we wanted kids first, we got a boy and a girl, bought a house and things were fantastic.

Then in February this year, all of a sudden (to me) she started watching TV in the other room, started going to bed without saying goodnight and just didn't seem to want anything to do with me. She said she was under pressure at work, she also had a medical procedure coming up, so I thought maybe she's quite nervous about that. Then one night I got home and she was crying, said we needed to talk. She said she had no feelings for me at all, she didn't feel loved or appreciated and she'd been feeling this way since September of the year before, unbeknownst to me. The next night I said i'd change and we'd start spending more time together as a couple and have the kids babysat etc. but I was told that it was over.

For one it's not your fault

Blame is pointless ....would she do counselling

Has she asked you to leave ?

 

[W. Smithers]

For one it's not your fault

Blame is pointless ....would she do counselling

Has she asked you to leave ?

No counselling, I've tried a couple of times to see if we could get things to work, but as of this moment, I now have no feelings for her too.

I have been living with the olds, she said I was welcome to stay in the spare room, then I stayed a night here and there and apparently it's now giving the kids the wrong idea.

 

[Billy ray]

Then one night I got home and she was crying, said we needed to talk. She said she had no feelings for me at all, she didn't feel loved or appreciated and she'd been feeling this way since September of the year before, unbeknownst to me. The next night I said i'd change and we'd start spending more time together as a couple and have the kids babysat etc. but I was told that it was over.

similar here - why don't they just say something before this stage? that's what goes through my mind every day since mine did pretty much the same thing.
by the time they say something, they have already moved on, and despite us blokes (usually) being willing to do things to make it better, its too late.

hang it there bud. plenty of support on here (as well as in your 'real world' no doubt).

 

[Billy ray]

Yeah agree

Sometimes just listening

If you can listen to a woman then that's all they want

Date 2 went well ...lunch out in public ...some kissing ...wow who me...yeah nice

Moving day tomorrow, place looks great. I'm back exercising eating well ...I'm leaving. But you it does t feel sad anymore and there's some excitement in my life. It's staggering 6 weeks ago I listed how my life was in tatters

The one thing that got me through it ...well two things ....my workplace is rock solid and they support me fully

Good mates who aren't piss heads ....quiet ale is ok, getting ripped torn drink does not fix anything

I wrote this down In my journal about 5 weeks ago

I've been hit by life's bus, if I sit here on the road crying about it and complaining about and blaming everyone I'll get hit by another bus.

I got off the road and dusted myself ...licked my wounds (they will take a while longer by the way) but I needed to find a bus stop to catch a bus to a different life. I just kept saying ...even aloud in the car while driving "I am a good man"

Exercise, therapy, good food, exercise, freindships and golf have helped me massively ...connections and building new bridges ....not crossing the deep river on my own.

I have some ways to go still - but I'm nailing it

Oddly I looked at my ex wife this morning and I can honestly say she does t look so sharp now ....but to be honest that's for her to figure out. I have a hunch she knows I'm dating someone - it's town of 40,000 not hard to work out. It's dating not marriage.

Boys you can recover .....you can

You just have to accept the pain not push it way or submerge it deeper ....

Do some work ...counselling

Exercise to get your dopamine levels going again ...dopamine is crucial

Be around good people ....ditch your s**t freinds who are Hangers on

Eat well ......critical

Be patient

Dont bitch and complain about the ex too much ...yes vent if needed but keep it balanced

Get back to doing the things you love ...be selfish for a bit ...it's about You Not her.

Dave, you are an inspiration. you have come so far. keep it up.

 

[Billy ray]

Feeling sad. First grand final weekend without the ex since 2000. She was/is a footy fan and we watched every GF from 2001 to last year together. Even one when in Europe back in 2003 in switzerland while on holiday.

If this is how i feel about the GF i can't imagine how s**t i will feel for something important. Like the kids birthdays and Christmas which are all still to come.

 

[Perth gal]

Chin up boys ....

 

[Smoooothy]

Date went well Seeing each other again Wednesday

 

[dave123]

Quick update

Sorry not posting ...moved into place and it's really nice

Date going well and we have established some rules of angagement

We like each other and won't date others. She gets where I'm at and respects it and she has a beautiful inside soul . The work to rebuild continues. She says one day at a time. And it literally is that to be honest.

We had a really nice post grand final arvo evening. A wine at very nice little bar by the beach. Cooked her dinner and we just chatted.

I texted a mate and said miracles do happen ...look at the dogs

If they can win a flag from Seventh then we can rebuild our relationships and life

 

[dave123]

I'm no the belief you have to go through a very drawn out prorptacted grieving process

Some people do better getting into some casual sex with whoever

Some do better by being alone and processing

What I did was look at my values ...what do I want ? Ok now what do I need to do to obtain that

Men especially do poorly post marriage becaise we tend to over analyse what went wrong and our core beliefs get tested ..We self destruct becaise we have this feeling it mist have been our fault.

 

[Billy ray]

I just found out last night from my ex that she is looking for a roommate to help pay her rent/costs. now that's fine, understand that, makes sense.
but this person is a male, from her work, recently separated also, and same age.

so, an update.
a few weeks ago I posted the above. the move in by this guy never happened.
however, my ex now tells me that they are going on a date (and that is why the move in never happened).

so, feeling s**t is an understatement.

 

[GreyCrow]

Sorry to hear this . In a way I guess you have had time to process the possibility. The '' moving in to help the rent'' sounded suss and in some ways you would have been dreading the next step. Well now its here and you recognize it feels terrible. That's a good step. Now to take control of your own life.

 

[Billy ray]

Sorry to hear this . In a way I guess you have had time to process the possibility. The '' moving in to help the rent'' sounded suss and in some ways you would have been dreading the next step. Well now its here and you recognize it feels terrible. That's a good step. Now to take control of your own life.

yeh, i must admit ive been kind of calm the past hour or so since I found out. I think I did process it and expected it at some stage, and even though its come quicker than (I) expected, I can now just mark it down as the inevitable step that has 'now happened' ...

 

[dave123]

yeh, i must admit ive been kind of calm the past hour or so since I found out. I think I did process it and expected it at some stage, and even though its come quicker than (I) expected, I can now just mark it down as the inevitable step that has 'now happened' ...

Hey billy ask yourself this ...at least you know what your dealing with as opposed to rumour

It's easier to just go ok so she's making some deciosns about her life ...they will have good and bad outcomes for her

We can't just get over it either but try to remember your happiness going forward needs to be dictated by you not by her actions

Own your own journey and destiny ...begin to think about what can I do to make my life better each day