Perfect long term relationships that go sour

[dave123]

Popped in to see how things were going, and it's good to see things are going well Dave

I'm going great

I've done apower of work though

In 12 weeks I've rebuilt my life ....it's challenging but awesome results

 

[Run n Spread]

All about the show. My next online pick will have a sky diving photo of myself/bungy jump at least.

 

[dave123]

All about the show. My next online pick will have a sky diving photo of myself/bungy jump at least.

Hah hah ...will show you're brave that's for sure.

My mate in Sydeny suggested women want guys into stuff ...

You can't fake it though ...mention yoga and beach walks and humour you're jumping the queues

If you said you like drinking beers and gambling would you be getting hits?

Your bait has to be backed up with realness though. Jane and I going well - yup it's realtionship for sure

For fun last night we we t through all of our messages and texts ......it was fun but it also showed the process ....we knew what we liked in a person

 

[Run n Spread]

Hah hah ...will show you're brave that's for sure.

My mate in Sydeny suggested women want guys into stuff ...

You can't fake it though ...mention yoga and beach walks and humour you're jumping the queues

If you said you like drinking beers and gambling would you be getting hits?

Your bait has to be backed up with realness though. Jane and I going well - yup it's realtionship for sure

For fun last night we we t through all of our messages and texts ......it was fun but it also showed the process ....we knew what we liked in a person

Cool. Problem with honesty is you take the mask off straight away and reveal who you are warts and all it shatters womens' illusions of been wooed. It needs to be a gradual process. I simply can not be f ed with the process and I am far too shy to just approach random women anymore.

Whatever what you've done is correct. You can chase girls around the school yard all you want but eventually you have to live your own life and do what fits you. If someone wants to come for the ride great if not well you are still living your life.

 

[dave123]

Cool. Problem with honesty is you take the mask off straight away and reveal who you are warts and all it shatters womens' illusions of been wooed. It needs to be a gradual process. I simply can not be f ed with the process and I am far too shy to just approach random women anymore.

Whatever what you've done is correct. You can chase girls around the school yard all you want but eventually you have to live your own life and do what fits you. If someone wants to come for the ride great if not well you are still living your life.

Find a woman that has tolerance

Don't go for someone that is perfectionist. Agree that illusions are not the way to go but you need to believe in yourslef too

Jane said yo me last night she already loves me ....why are we so frightened by the L word

It's just a word ...the meaning is they like you trust and are very attracted to you and want to be with you and probabaly have Lots of sex. Have I missed anything ? Yup it's spiritual too

Umm don't we want that ...yup risk is I might get hurt ...well you'll get more hurt being alone and never moving on ...men's confidence wilts they longer they stay single after broken realtionships (read the research)

I like women ....I like being around them ....they are sexy ....I like connection ...I like doing stuff with them

And I like doing it with jane

Yup I've got my own interests too and actively pursue those too as she does

I had one 14 year relationship ...then sex with two others then found jane

My realtionship form is actually very solid .....it's not like I have had 7 2 year relationships

On the shyness mate ....tackle it front on - go and learn public speaking or do so,etching which directly tackles it

Shyness can be a barrier ..you can tackle it ...good luck

 

[Billy ray]

Good work dave

 

[Shell]

All about the show. My next online pick will have a sky diving photo of myself/bungy jump at least.

Again, am jelly. Altho idk maybe the second jump IS more difficult because you know what to expect, rather than not know. The waiting on the ground too is the hardest part, iirc i turned white and someone asked if I was ok when my group was finally called up.

Good work dave

Yep, echoing these sentiments- good stuff, is great you've found someone.

 

[dave123]

Spent

Again, am jelly. Altho idk maybe the second jump IS more difficult because you know what to expect, rather than not know. The waiting on the ground too is the hardest part, iirc i turned white and someone asked if I was ok when my group was finally called up.



Yep, echoing these sentiments- good stuff, is great you've found someone.

Cheers

We've been together for 4 weeks ...we've planned a trip away

We've know each other well, talk each day, she's compassionate and smart

She is not needy at all and just likes life. Today's is my sons birthday and she made a cake for him yesterday and we had a little surprise birthday for him ..

We just connect ...we have similar beliefs about people too...we enjoy sport and being outside

Me...my recovery doesn't just stop because I've met someone nice ...my weekly schedule of early morning rides, mediatation and yoga plus eating well continue.

I've completed the counselling component and I feel I'm done with that part.

Keep at it guys but honest advice is find a routine that works ....you've got to love yourslef before going into a realtionship. I made myself happy and jane is icing on the cake.

 

[Run n Spread]

Completely unrelated does anyone here find the children issue coming up?

As in what to do down the track? Meaning do you offer a flat over my dead ......../never to we will generally see what the future holds without stringing someone along. I generally can't predict the future.

 

[Run n Spread]

Spent


Cheers

We've been together for 4 weeks ...we've planned a trip away

We've know each other well, talk each day, she's compassionate and smart

She is not needy at all and just likes life. Today's is my sons birthday and she made a cake for him yesterday and we had a little surprise birthday for him ..

We just connect ...we have similar beliefs about people too...we enjoy sport and being outside

Me...my recovery doesn't just stop because I've met someone nice ...my weekly schedule of early morning rides, mediatation and yoga plus eating well continue.

I've completed the counselling component and I feel I'm done with that part.

Keep at it guys but honest advice is find a routine that works ....you've got to love yourslef before going into a realtionship. I made myself happy and jane is icing on the cake.

Routine in what sense.

Tbh and without going into a GD rant my routine sucks atm and am stuck with it till the end of the year.

 

[dave123]

Routine in what sense.

Tbh and without going into a GD rant my routine sucks atm and am stuck with it till the end of the year.

I have a fridge list ..it's a mental, physical and spiritual checklist

It states my exercise plan, mediatation plan and friends whom I need to chat too. Dinner invites ...I often have people around - surrounding yourslef with god people and ditching the hangers on and negative people in life is huge step in mental recovery. I simply refuse to have negative peopLe around me ...they don't get a gig in my inner sanctum

I list the inner sanctum people ..

It's a circle with names in it ....and when did I last se them or talk to them

Jane checklist ..what are we doing, what the kids have on. It has what's happening spiritually for me also - what are the goals for that week,

Even big footy relationship thread update is on the list

It sounds complicated but it's not ...routine gives you clarity, positivity and structure ...all that equals happiness and peace of mind

 

[dave123]

Completely unrelated does anyone here find the children issue coming up?

As in what to do down the track? Meaning do you offer a flat over my dead ......../never to we will generally see what the future holds without stringing someone along. I generally can't predict the future.

I do this and yes because I'm a counsellor I find it easy ...

Four questions
Where do I want to be in 6 months
Where do I want to be in 1 year
Where do I wa t to be in 5 years
Where do I want to be in ten years

Answer those ...then work out what mini goals you need to achieve the bigger ones ...work backwards if you like

A rudderless ship goes nowhere and ends up ship wrecked most of the time

 

[Smoooothy]

Completely unrelated does anyone here find the children issue coming up?

As in what to do down the track? Meaning do you offer a flat over my dead ......../never to we will generally see what the future holds without stringing someone along. I generally can't predict the future.

Yep, I've chatted to a few and I've brought up that I have kids and they've told me flat out they aren't interested

I thought my kid rearing days were over, but perhaps they aren't now.

 

[Perth gal]

The guys that I have been keen on all weren't keen on me. I have one child. Come to think of it all of them ended up with a women with no kids. Hmmmm.

 

[dave123]

Embrace the child factor

Jane has three kids ....I wanted to date someone with children

Gives us heaps to talk about, laugh about and share

Our kids met on the weekend and played for ages together, it was my sons birthday and her kids bought some Lego for him. He was chuffed. Kids make me a balanced person

If your finding they aren't interested then they aren't for you ...kids will scare some away yet others it will be a positive. On Saturday we had five kids aged 5 to 11 all playing in a park for two hours while we sat with a beer and wine and had our time together .....occiaionally they would come over

It doesn't have to be a barrier

Your kids are part of you ..a big part of you if they don't embrace that then they are not for you ...you might have a fleeting fun romance but ultimately will fail

Janes kids and my kids adds to our relationship .....yes it makes logistics tough but that means we communicate more to organise things and when we pull it off it's awesome

I sat with all the kids on Saturday drawing on a big canvas ...jane was able to observe it

Kids are happier when they meet new kids and embrace that

 

[dave123]

Just a quick update

I've put my foot down with ex ...not paying et car off anymore

She earns a similar wage to me and I was doing the "right thing" by paying off the loan yet initially we were going to share the 4wd .....as it turns out

I found I don't want to be around the ex at all ....it's not fair on me to fork out that cash for something I will never use ....it's also not fair on jane either

I'm 300 buckcs per fortnight better off ...woo hoo ...to her credit the ex did not protest either

 

[Billy ray]

My first tinder date (that was meant to be a coffee today) rain-checked me. Which was a bugger as i moved a few things around to accommodate. Oh well. She apologised and said she would definitely reschedule.

an update from me too. still no action, but, hopefully not too far away.

my rain-checked tinder match from a few weeks back (shes 43 south American (im 41) ) and I have kept in touch via txt messages.
(it didn't take long to exchange numbers back when we matched, so she seems keen). she lives about 20 min away.
we've been messaging most days, just general banter. she always starts them off.
Then she sent me a photo of her dressed up in her office for melb cup day festivities - looked nice. she knew she did that's why she sent it.
last night she rang (voices!) to set up the catch up (which is this sunday at the beach - as it was meant to be last time).

there is another girl on tinder who ive been messaging since Monday - not as keen looks-wise on this one as I am with the one above - plus she lives in Lismore which is like over an hour away. but we have a lot in common from our messages. anyway, she wants to meet half way (somewhere near Byron bay) - so I will set something up.

and just this morning I got a match and a few messages have been exchanged - irish lass who has been in Australia for a few years, and only like 10 mins away. this one doesn't have kids - other two above do (as do I).

today is 5 months since my ex moved out.

 

[Smoooothy]

while we're on updates, may as well give one too!

nearly 8 months down now. I'm no longer in a state of crippling depression. I know my marriage is over, and I don't want it to come back. and that's ok. my kids are the most important thing to me and their happiness is my biggest concern. they are very happy being so close to all of my family (and hers), and I'm grateful for that. I still speak to them every day or two

relationship wise, I posted an awkward flirting story which should have scarred me for life I haven't tried contacting her again and neither has she, that's ok. it ran it's course. I've been chatting to a woman who I've got a very strong attraction to since Friday. she asked me out for a coffee last night for Saturday morning, of which I accepted. she's a bit older than me but looks 10 years younger. we've been texting like we've known each other for years. haven't hit it off like this before. we have an insane amount in common (both had terrible breakups from our last long term relationships, both love sports, etc) and she's only 2km from me.

have had a couple of hook-ups which were nice. it's nice to feel wanted. no longer feel ugly

keep cool dips, keep cool...

 

[Billy ray]

I think I just want to hook up with this south American and have some fun for a few weeks, to feel wanted, to feel normal like you say Dips. and I think she does too from speaking to her - also out of a long term relationship (she was cheated on and ended it). so no doubt she wants some lovin'

Lismore chick is too far away I think for anything, even short term or more - but a catchup is fine as I like the area we are aiming to catch up at (easy drive, beautiful part of the world around Byron).

irish chick still an unknown, but if stereotypes are correct, no doubt she will be a big drinker which isn't my kind of thing (as I don't/cant drink) - and not having kids and being 39 I think she is, she probably wants what I don't want. but will see how it plays out.

all 3 of these have been from tinder. having no luck at all with POF.com - but my profile is still up - I just switched my main picture away from me in kayak to one of me in Suns gear at the footy.

 

[GreyCrow]

- I just switched my main picture away from me in kayak to one of me in Suns gear at the footy.

Because that will get you dates

 

[Billy ray]

Because that will get you dates

Some of the girls i see on pof.com have been in photos at the footy either metricon or gabba or mcg in some cases. Recognise seats and surroundings. Lots of melb girls on the coast too.

Kayak hasnt been good bait for about a week so thought id make a bait change.

In a week ill try sonething new again. Maybe shirt off as im lookin cut af after all my gym sessions.

 

[Carl Hooper]

40yo's on tinder?! What a time to be alive

 

[dave123]

Good work lads and gals

Just got home ...liking jane still ...a lot

Ali wants back in ...just for sex ...said no

Keeping boundaries

Life dandy ...I'm a bit nervous about a really long term relationship with jane ....there's a few glitches but overall I'm happy

 

[dave123]

Interesting experience tonight ....went to James after her kids went to bed

We discussed that I was feeling a little cramped and she achknowedged ...Made some changes we are sweet

I went to the pub about ten with a mate ....low and behold Ali turned up

But I got chatting to this stunning tall chick ...she was Thirty odd, studying psychology ..Sharon ...so we struck up a conversation ...Ali came over and I introduced them ....I had no interest in either of them bar to chat and maybe dance ....anyways I chatted with Sharon for about half an hour as Ali was dancing and with other friends

Ali asked me to dance ....all good ....midnight came and went

Then Ali turned to me and said don't you ever ******* do that to me again ....I said Ali we are not an item and no I wasn't intestate in Sharon..Ali accused me of hedging bets .....even though Sharon got my number ...she asked me

I just sent her text saying Ali you are being ridlosulsy unfair ....and leave me alone

She wants to have sex only and nothing else ..I'm with jane and like jane ...Sharon was for work as we do similar jobs ...we have lost five staff this week and Wembley need new people ....i was recruiting ....lol

Anyways I had fun ......

Did I do anything wrong ...by the way Sharon as stunning ....any man would talk to her ...Ali and I were not meeting at pub just happen to be there .....it's a small town

* n hell ....lol

 

[Carl Hooper]

Which one is ali again?

I thought her name was tessa

You must be a good lookin bloke no homo