Perfect long term relationships that go sour

[Shell]

We have two great kids .....I'm naturally gutted

I'm a good man, non violent, non drinker but for whatever reason I'm not good enough.

t

Don't think about it like that.

My cousin got married- he is the best guy ever. Good looking, nice guy/ great personality, cooks! and cleans, married the most gorgeous girl. She just didnt want to be married, period. They split up within a year of the wedding. I know that's a lot different to your situation..

Hope talking to someone helps. I know I kept it all bottled up to myself when me and my partner split up and that probably wasn't a good thing to do.

 

[dave123]

Don't think about it like that.

My cousin got married- he is the best guy ever. Good looking, nice guy/ great personality, cooks! and cleans, married the most gorgeous girl. She just didnt want to be married, period. They split up within a year of the wedding. I know that's a lot different to your situation..

Hope talking to someone helps. I know I kept it all bottled up to myself when me and my partner split up and that probably wasn't a good thing to do.

Just this thread has been useful

I'm a counsellor but ya know on something like this I'd rather just get normal views and you made a very good point

What happened recently is 2 or 3 of her friends split up and they all gloat over coffee how good it is ....which sickens me but hey that's modern Facebook crap is t it.

They are in for a rude shock when the kids are teenagers and early twenties when they discover the truth

Her family is wealthy also and very very judgemental ...they judge me constantly and she buys into that. Yet I'm the opposite ...non judgmental. So I suspect I'll be happier eventually without her. The I'm not good enough comes from the nawing feeling that you're being thrown out with the trash

I have no anger towards her really ...just pain from myself and my thinking

As days pass the wounds heal. My team of counsellors left a nice card on my desk today all with positive things about me and some chocolate too. The words on the card said "we love you and you'll never walk alone" (that saying made famous by the Liverpool Soccer team.

On Friday I did feel very alone and scared .....today much less so.

This thread has been very useful for me to just post randomised thoughts without judgement from others

I'm not walking alone ...is my new mantra

 

[Billy ray]

hang in there Dave, and keep pm-ing me as required.
its been therapeutic for me too.

and thanks for your kind words too Perth gal and Shell - it really does help hearing/reading it as im sure dave123 would agree.

 

[Smoooothy]

Tonight yes tonight my wife and have agreed to split

It's hard

IT did shock me four weeks ago that she wanted out. She said she can't live with someone she doesn't love

We have two great kids .....I'm naturally gutted

I'm a good man, non violent, non drinker but for whatever reason I'm not good enough.

Kids are 9 and 11 ..boys

I won't be around much the next few weeks .....just let you know I'm safe but broken hearted

At least I won't turn to alcohol or drugs as I do that fir a job ....ill get counselling ...counselling a counsellor is weird. I'll cry a lot the next few days I suspect.

I'm suddenly not worried as much as I was before ....

Been married for 11 years. That's it

its frightening how similar my story is to yours

my wife (married 10 years, together for nearly 15) told me on January 3 this year she didn't love me anymore, it came from absolutely nowhere. it affected me in ways I can't put into words. easter sunday I made the decision after many arguments, and subsequent apologies that I couldn't stay with her anymore. my 12 year old daughter was absolutely shattered, my 9 year old son doesn't really understand fully yet.

I moved out on may 13, and for the first couple of weeks it was ok, it was still a novelty. you goto work as normal, you come home on cook yourself tea.

the first weekend of june, my exwife and kids moved back to Adelaide. I knew it would happen, I couldn't prepare myself for it

the first weekend I spent alone, I had what I consider a mini break down, I missed her, I missed the kids, I missed us. I almost did something really really stupid, but I couldn't go through with it.

i've been on a mental health plan and have had my antidepressant medications upped twice. I think just now the balance is getting right, it's been nearly 6 months since I started on them. I see a psychologist every 3-4 weeks

the only advice I can give you is you're just at the start - it is going to suck worse than anything you've ever experienced before. if you're like me, this life is all you've known. I'm not gonna lie, I've had some of the worst days i've ever had in the last 6 months

i've seen my kids twice since june. twice.. my ex seems to get some strange pleasure out of telling me how many guys she's with too. I ignore what I can, but it cripples me with loneliness..

I don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. I'm a fat balding idiot who no one really likes much. I was the stupid dickhead that worked 12-14 hour days and travelled from the country to the city to work when we first had kids (thats another story) so we could afford to put a roof over our heads while she stayed at home and complained I was never there. I was the one who always put them first and forgot about how to look after me. I gained so much weight because I was so unhappy (got upto 145kg at one point), and the stresses I had kept me awake at night. Hearing her say I don't love you anymore broke me. It still breaks me, it probably will forever

but - one day you'll wake up and it'll feel better, and the next day better again. give it time

by all means, vent when you need to. it is strangely therapeutic..

my heart is still so broken, I miss my wife so much and I'm the one who left her. I still love her, I just know I can't be with someone who hurt me like that. even now, I'm writing this crap, and I can feel myself lose it. i've had days where i've burst into tears randomly when I'm working and excuse myself to sneak off somewhere that's not around people and just let it all out. don't be ashamed of it

be kind to yourself, you will be ok. find ways to keep yourself busy

PM me if you want

 

[Smoooothy]

one more thing - don't do dating or think about moving on too quickly. I think I did and I'm pretty sure it made things much worse for myself. i've lost count of the amount of times i've started chatting to girls and everything seems to go fine until they see what you look like

 

[Impunity!]

one more thing - don't do dating or think about moving on too quickly. I think I did and I'm pretty sure it made things much worse for myself. i've lost count of the amount of times i've started chatting to girls and everything seems to go fine until they see what you look like

Sorry to hear this Smoothie. Stay strong mate.

Dave too

 

[Mancey]

That sucks smooth. Won't pretend to know what you are going through mate. I would definitely look into getting in contact with someone like beyond blue.

Most important thing is to take care of yourself, get good sleep, talk to family and friends...anyone really. They all care about you

It'll get better

 

[Perth gal]

its frightening how similar my story is to yours

my wife (married 10 years, together for nearly 15) told me on January 3 this year she didn't love me anymore, it came from absolutely nowhere. it affected me in ways I can't put into words. easter sunday I made the decision after many arguments, and subsequent apologies that I couldn't stay with her anymore. my 12 year old daughter was absolutely shattered, my 9 year old son doesn't really understand fully yet.

I moved out on may 13, and for the first couple of weeks it was ok, it was still a novelty. you goto work as normal, you come home on cook yourself tea.

the first weekend of june, my exwife and kids moved back to Adelaide. I knew it would happen, I couldn't prepare myself for it

the first weekend I spent alone, I had what I consider a mini break down, I missed her, I missed the kids, I missed us. I almost did something really really stupid, but I couldn't go through with it.

i've been on a mental health plan and have had my antidepressant medications upped twice. I think just now the balance is getting right, it's been nearly 6 months since I started on them. I see a psychologist every 3-4 weeks

the only advice I can give you is you're just at the start - it is going to suck worse than anything you've ever experienced before. if you're like me, this life is all you've known. I'm not gonna lie, I've had some of the worst days i've ever had in the last 6 months

i've seen my kids twice since june. twice.. my ex seems to get some strange pleasure out of telling me how many guys she's with too. I ignore what I can, but it cripples me with loneliness..

I don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. I'm a fat balding idiot who no one really likes much. I was the stupid dickhead that worked 12-14 hour days and travelled from the country to the city to work when we first had kids (thats another story) so we could afford to put a roof over our heads while she stayed at home and complained I was never there. I was the one who always put them first and forgot about how to look after me. I gained so much weight because I was so unhappy (got upto 145kg at one point), and the stresses I had kept me awake at night. Hearing her say I don't love you anymore broke me. It still breaks me, it probably will forever

but - one day you'll wake up and it'll feel better, and the next day better again. give it time

by all means, vent when you need to. it is strangely therapeutic..

my heart is still so broken, I miss my wife so much and I'm the one who left her. I still love her, I just know I can't be with someone who hurt me like that. even now, I'm writing this crap, and I can feel myself lose it. i've had days where i've burst into tears randomly when I'm working and excuse myself to sneak off somewhere that's not around people and just let it all out. don't be ashamed of it

be kind to yourself, you will be ok. find ways to keep yourself busy

PM me if you want

Your x sounds horrible. And you are so better off without her. You say you still love her. But do you still like her? Or respect her?

 

[Threelegs]

one more thing - don't do dating or think about moving on too quickly. I think I did and I'm pretty sure it made things much worse for myself. i've lost count of the amount of times i've started chatting to girls and everything seems to go fine until they see what you look like

Mr Smooth, TLC funny man of future past, I have a mate that went through a similar thing. Childhood sweethearts. Together for 25yrs. He went through a rough spell for 18 months before getting himself sorted. Two years on from his wife leaving and he's found love again via a dating site. Hell of an upgrade on the original model in fact. Let you personality and sense of humour out. Get back on the horse. Self confidence will get you further than looks. Don't chase 'girls', go hunting for a woman. Plenty of damaged bunny boiler nutters out there, but there is also quite a few in your position and even the odd sane one. Just don't be an anchor. Re-invent yourself, s**t, even consider motivational support (or a poster). Good luck ploughing Milf Road.

The bonus to him finding a 'better model' was it shits his ex-wife to tears and whenever she comes asking for money the upgrade is there to help.

Good luck. Stay strong for yourself and your kids (I know it's a s**t cliche, but it's true). Do something you have always wanted to do.

I hope I have provided some words of encouragement.

PM me if you wish. I can at least pass on the dating sites to avoid.

 

[Whaturest]

I have heard a lot of stories where people got bored in their relationship after 7-8 years being together. The thing that i observed is that it usually happen to those who are together for during a long time without having babies or major changes in their life.
My dear friend had broken up with her boyfriend after 8 years of relationship because he never wanted to go further and change something in their relationship...

 

[King Elvis]

one more thing - don't do dating or think about moving on too quickly. I think I did and I'm pretty sure it made things much worse for myself. i've lost count of the amount of times i've started chatting to girls and everything seems to go fine until they see what you look like

Get on Tinder.

Get yourself healthy and fit, and you'll feel better, in every way.

Really sad to hear about it all; it's horrible even thinking about it - but you made the right decision, and now you need to make the next right decision for yourself.

The fact that she tells you she's been sleeping around, I'd use that to fuel my anger and make myself hate her.

 

[dave123]

I have heard a lot of stories where people got bored in their relationship after 7-8 years being together. The thing that i observed is that it usually happen to those who are together for during a long time without having babies or major changes in their life.
My dear friend had broken up with her boyfriend after 8 years of relationship because he never wanted to go further and change something in their relationship...

This is true

I reckon my wife got bored with me .....like I was some game or something

In many ways we are socially engineered to change ......we change jobs a lot

We change phones, we change friends ....we change sports and hobbies ...we change locations a lot, we don't go to the same holiday spot year after year .....we are looking to "up the ante"

Hmm

And I think we get bored then, she fell out of love with me because I wasn't dynamic or something ....

A few friends recently split too so it was like it was cool to break up and they all sit at cafes and brag

Well one day the kids will grow up and see the truth to it all.

It's only been a week and while I'm still sad I'm also thinking hey I'm going to be the best dad I can be and I won't be in a rush to go back to her. If she changed her mind tomorrow I'd go no thanks I need to find myself now. I've let her do most of the house work this week as we are still living together and she complained ...I said to here ......when I'm gone this is what it will be like. I don't think she realised how much I did.

I'm not sure I want a relationship in the future ...* going then that pain again .....why would you?

What I'm going to have is a relationship with boys that's even better than it is now

I'm going to have an affair ......with life ......I'm going to fall in love with life and what it provides .....if that means a female is in that picture,.....maybe But I won't be searching.

Goal setting has started

I wrote on our notice board at work (my work colleagues know and they have been great) "I'm strong and I'm going to fall in love again ....with life"

They loved it

I'm doing a simple exercise at the moment ...every time I get a negative thought I simply say that's unhelpful thinking ...what's the opposite thinking or helpful thinking ....

She seems happy now my wife but when my kids are teenagers (not far away) they will see straight through her bullshit and control freak behaviours.

 

[dave123]

Mr Smooth, TLC funny man of future past, I have a mate that went through a similar thing. Childhood sweethearts. Together for 25yrs. He went through a rough spell for 18 months before getting himself sorted. Two years on from his wife leaving and he's found love again via a dating site. Hell of an upgrade on the original model in fact. Let you personality and sense of humour out. Get back on the horse. Self confidence will get you further than looks. Don't chase 'girls', go hunting for a woman. Plenty of damaged bunny boiler nutters out there, but there is also quite a few in your position and even the odd sane one. Just don't be an anchor. Re-invent yourself, s**t, even consider motivational support (or a poster). Good luck ploughing Milf Road.

The bonus to him finding a 'better model' was it shits his ex-wife to tears and whenever she comes asking for money the upgrade is there to help.

Good luck. Stay strong for yourself and your kids (I know it's a s**t cliche, but it's true). Do something you have always wanted to do.

I hope I have provided some words of encouragement.

PM me if you wish. I can at least pass on the dating sites to avoid.

We have to re-wire our brain ....

WHEN IM SAD I will cry ...but I will then at the end simply say I needed that and I feel better

I will then make a counter move to learn something new

 

[Smoooothy]

Get on Tinder.

Get yourself healthy and fit, and you'll feel better, in every way.

Really sad to hear about it all; it's horrible even thinking about it - but you made the right decision, and now you need to make the next right decision for yourself.

The fact that she tells you she's been sleeping around, I'd use that to fuel my anger and make myself hate her.

Tinder has been a nightmare so far. Having bitches actively match with me just to tell me I'm an ugly * (direct quote) is pretty disheartening.

In saying that, I've lost 43kg this year. That's a pretty big achievement, I feel better, but still feel empty

Patience is the key

 

[King Elvis]

That's a hell of a good effort mate, keep it up!

Patience is important - and * people who are that pathetic that they need to viciously denigrate others to make themselves feel better.

 

[Smoooothy]

Your x sounds horrible. And you are so better off without her. You say you still love her. But do you still like her? Or respect her?

Its really hard to answer that. I dont respect her anymore, that's been gone for some time. Like her? Depends what day you ask

 

[Whaturest]

This is true

I reckon my wife got bored with me .....like I was some game or something

In many ways we are socially engineered to change ......we change jobs a lot

We change phones, we change friends ....we change sports and hobbies ...we change locations a lot, we don't go to the same holiday spot year after year .....we are looking to "up the ante"

Hmm

And I think we get bored then, she fell out of love with me because I wasn't dynamic or something ....

A few friends recently split too so it was like it was cool to break up and they all sit at cafes and brag

Well one day the kids will grow up and see the truth to it all.

It's only been a week and while I'm still sad I'm also thinking hey I'm going to be the best dad I can be and I won't be in a rush to go back to her. If she changed her mind tomorrow I'd go no thanks I need to find myself now. I've let her do most of the house work this week as we are still living together and she complained ...I said to here ......when I'm gone this is what it will be like. I don't think she realised how much I did.

I'm not sure I want a relationship in the future ...glory be going then that pain again .....why would you?

What I'm going to have is a relationship with boys that's even better than it is now

I'm going to have an affair ......with life ......I'm going to fall in love with life and what it provides .....if that means a female is in that picture,.....maybe But I won't be searching.

Goal setting has started

I wrote on our notice board at work (my work colleagues know and they have been great) "I'm strong and I'm going to fall in love again ....with life"

They loved it

I'm doing a simple exercise at the moment ...every time I get a negative thought I simply say that's unhelpful thinking ...what's the opposite thinking or helpful thinking ....

She seems happy now my wife but when my kids are teenagers (not far away) they will see straight through her bullshit and control freak behaviours.

There are some reasons in things that you said here, some positive thought that i like very much, you have to fall in love with your life, but if a relationship happens let it happen. I think you'll become stronger than before, stronger than in your last relationship. Keep living your life without deprinving yourself from other things. ))) Take it cool bro!

 

[dave123]

There are some reasons in things that you said here, some positive thought that i like very much, you have to fall in love with your life, but if a relationship happens let it happen. I think you'll become stronger than before, stronger than in your last relationship. Keep living your life without deprinving yourself from other things. ))) Take it cool bro!

Yup

It's me that makes me happy .....if I'm happy someone will like that one day

 

[dave123]

Tinder has been a nightmare so far. Having bitches actively match with me just to tell me I'm an ugly **** (direct quote) is pretty disheartening.

In saying that, I've lost 43kg this year. That's a pretty big achievement, I feel better, but still feel empty

Patience is the key

Avoid online

Online is so based on appearance ....people are judging the book on its cover

 

[Smoooothy]

I've had more luck on reddit than any dating site

 

[dave123]

I've had more luck on reddit than any dating site

80% of relationships occurred thru friends

Question

Do you like who you are? If that's tough to answer ...then work on yourself

 

[Hard Ball Get]

I have heard a lot of stories where people got bored in their relationship after 7-8 years being together. The thing that i observed is that it usually happen to those who are together for during a long time without having babies or major changes in their life.
My dear friend had broken up with her boyfriend after 8 years of relationship because he never wanted to go further and change something in their relationship...

Having said that, people that have kids to "save" their marriage are kidding themselves. It puts the relationship under more stress and pressure than anything else you can possibly do.

 

[Whaturest]

Having said that, people that have kids to "save" their marriage are kidding themselves. It puts the relationship under more stress and pressure than anything else you can possibly do.

I Agree this is right, I have skipped this thing! Anyway I think there are a lot of things that people can do in order to change this, at least i think everyone should try!

 

[Whaturest]

Yup

It's me that makes me happy .....if I'm happy someone will like that one day

I'm sure that it is! And everyone should find that person that will accept this

I found one that helped me stop searching levitra coupon (i used to have ED, with her help I'm all fine now).

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

It's just not right that a parent can pack their kids up and move interstate. I would have been devastated if I'd been taken away from my father. Now that I'm an adult he's one of my best sounding boards for life.