Perfect long term relationships that go sour

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Catfish Alley

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We met with our counsellor yesterday for our final session. We originally weren’t going to bother but you get so many free ones through the health system so we thought we might as well. Was nice just to have that closure. Things are good. Really feels like we’re on to another stage of marriage.

I’m sure more crap will happen over the years. You can’t be with someone throughout life without that happening. I feel like we have a much better understanding of how to get through challenges though.
 
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deedog2

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We met with our counsellor yesterday for our final session. We originally weren’t going to bother but you get so many free ones through the health system so we thought we might as well. Was nice just to have that closure. Things are good. Really feels like we’re on to another stage of marriage.

I’m sure more crap will happen over the years. You can’t be with someone throughout life without that happening. I feel like we have a much better understanding of how to get through challenges though.
Wish I tried to instigate something like this mate.

I was always petrified that if I did she'd leave me. Who knows if it would have made a difference.

Probably not...

I wish none of you on this thread have all gone through what you have...its not fair...
 

MEB_

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We met with our counsellor yesterday for our final session. We originally weren’t going to bother but you get so many free ones through the health system so we thought we might as well. Was nice just to have that closure. Things are good. Really feels like we’re on to another stage of marriage.

I’m sure more crap will happen over the years. You can’t be with someone throughout life without that happening. I feel like we have a much better understanding of how to get through challenges though.
I'm so happy for you, CA. It's rare these days for a couple to actually work through their issues, and I'm sure your marriage will be stronger for it.
 

Catfish Alley

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I'm so happy for you, CA. It's rare these days for a couple to actually work through their issues, and I'm sure your marriage will be stronger for it.
Thank you. I have to admit that I'm kind of proud of it. Everything culminated around January so it's been a good half a year of work. Obviously you both need to want to work at it and we discovered fairly early that we did love each other and still wanted to be together. So, it wasn't just for the kids or anything. We genuinely wanted to be together and knew our lives are better with each other. So, lots of big conversations, about a dozen counselling sessions altogether as a couple and individuals, only one or two screaming matches and really just lots of talking to each other and to friends and family. Going through something like that really helps you understand yourself and your support network. Hell, even just venting on here helps so thanks to those who have listened.
 

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Catfish Alley

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Found this just from a quick search.
  1. Open the “File Manager” app.
  2. Navigate to the location where the photo album is located. You can usually find them in the “DCIM” or “Pictures” folder.
  3. Tap and hold the folder you wish to remove.
  4. Select “Delete“.
Sorry you're going through this and hope you're doing ok. Just 'ok' is enough. You don't have to put on a front and pretend life is great. Feel free to pm if you just need to vent or something.
 

deedog2

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Found this just from a quick search.
  1. Open the “File Manager” app.
  2. Navigate to the location where the photo album is located. You can usually find them in the “DCIM” or “Pictures” folder.
  3. Tap and hold the folder you wish to remove.
  4. Select “Delete“.
Sorry you're going through this and hope you're doing ok. Just 'ok' is enough. You don't have to put on a front and pretend life is great. Feel free to pm if you just need to vent or something.
Thanks CA, hope everything is going well in your world.
 

ioppolo

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Deedog, have you been seeking/receiving help? Sounds like she was the reason you lived, it's been many months and you're still broken.
 

brutus76

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I'm finally ready to date.
Divorce was 7 years ago.
Haven't seen my boy in 6 years one of those ex-wife goes nuts brainwashes child things. He's in SA with her. I've been in QLD for over 4 years now.
He'll be 14 in January so a couple of years and he'll be old enough to think for himself and find his dad. i can see the end of the tunnel.
He knows his dad flies down to see his teachers twice a year and to make sure he's doing all right. He'll find me. If not then i'll accept it.
Haven't spoken to her since i lost him. That's not a bad thing. Not worth the emotional and mental energy and thought.
Was ready to date this year until i had a bike accident in November. I rode from QLD to VIC ok but crashed on he way back.
Broken leg now 35 weeks (got metal rod and screws in tibia - sadly not good enough for the Robocop program). Almost healed. Very very lucky.
So keen to find someone. I miss holding hands, convos, snuggling, kisses, feeling loved and appreciated etc.
Going to the USA for a month mid Nov to mid Dec and after that will be pursuing new love. USA trip is my reward for rehab.
Or could go to Vegas and bring one home :)

Agree key is to focus on yourself FIRST.
I gym a couple of times a week (rehab mostly for "Accidents Anonymous") :)
i've lost a fair bit of weight (20kg so far i am a solid fella) and will continue to rehab (work out) now i can see results.
I got a car as my folks banned me from getting another bike. I would like a CAN-AM (3 wheeler) one day
I go to Trivia a couple nights a month. I'm not smart but nice to go out and have a feed and get social. I drag my housemate along and he enjoys it too as he's having similar problems with his ex and his son is the same age as mine.
Looking to assistant coach as local junior club next year one night a week. Swim occasionally (i can run in deep water but not on pavement yet)
Having therapy or counselling helps. I'm lucky my employer pays for a couple of sessions a year.
I have dysthymic depression and this whole accident recovery thing been a real mental and physical challenge on top.
But to have gone from stuck in a wheelchair after a helicopter ride to the Alfred Hospital to now just having a walking stick in reflection is pretty good as i've damn worked my *** off to get me right for the USA.

It can get very dark very quickly. Having great people and great family and a support network to pull you through is a godsend. If i hadn't have moved here and stayed in SA i'd be in the nuthouse or have driven off a cliff for not being able to see my boy. Brisbane is home and i thank her. If you feel you are in a hole call someone and see someone. It's ok to reach out. People who care about you will hold you up and help you through.
 
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Yakker

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brutus76 sucks about your accident mate and hope you have a full recovery with time. The whole alienation thing with your boy is shit too. I went through that and trust me they work it out. Two of my three kids have seen through the lies and manipulation and came to live with me in their teens. The mother couldn’t handle it and barely talks to them. She continues to make it difficult for my youngest to see me (she will be 12 in November) however I see her for a day once a month and just try and make the day as natural and fun for her and stay away from discussing her mum. Each visit I tell her that we love having her and if she wants to come more often we would love to have her.

Stay strong mate, he will come around and see through the lies and bullshit, kids are much smarter than we give them credit for at times.
 

Thistle

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I'm in what I would describe as a pretty perfect relationship since I started dating two and a half years ago. We live together, we've never fought, enjoyed plenty of holidays together and it's been the happiest 36 months of my life by far.

However there is one issue that has the potential to end this bliss - she doesn't want kids and I do.

Now I'm battling in my mind whether I should gamble my current and long-term happiness by breaking up with her in the hope that I will find someone just as great but who wants a family, or stay together knowing that I may feel like there is something missing from my life? :(
 
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Yakker

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I'm in what I would describe as a pretty perfect relationship since I started dating two and a half years ago. We live together, we've never fought, enjoyed plenty of holidays together and it's been the happiest 36 months of my life by far.

However there is one issue that has the potential to end this bliss - she doesn't want kids and I do.

Now I'm battling in my mind whether I should gamble my current and long-term happiness by breaking up with her in the hope that I will find someone just as great but who wants a family, or stay together knowing that I may feel like there is something missing from my life? :(
Nothing can replace the joy of having kids if that is what you want. It will be a regret later in life.
 

por_please_ya

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I'm in what I would describe as a pretty perfect relationship since I started dating two and a half years ago. We live together, we've never fought, enjoyed plenty of holidays together and it's been the happiest 36 months of my life by far.

However there is one issue that has the potential to end this bliss - she doesn't want kids and I do.

Now I'm battling in my mind whether I should gamble my current and long-term happiness by breaking up with her in the hope that I will find someone just as great but who wants a family, or stay together knowing that I may feel like there is something missing from my life? :(
Oh god, mate... :( I'll share my experience with you. Because I AM also that woman who doesn't want children. And your situation is the exact one I've always wanted to avoid because in my opinion it only leads to resentment. Having kids is life-changing and therefore can't be treated lightly. Throughout my dating life I've made sure the kids thing is brought up sooner rather than later, and depending on the conversation it has even been mentioned on a first date before! There was a guy I met on Tinder once who wanted to meet up. But we got talking one day and he mentioned how he really wanted children. I told him, what's the point of meeting up when it realistically can't go anywhere?!? On some dating sites you can show whether you want children or not which was helpful. But frustrating. The amount of men who wanted kids made me rather depressed lol. I just couldn't go there, no matter how much the guy otherwise seemed compatible. I wouldn't want him to resent me, or feel like there was something missing. I didn't want to take that away from somebody or deny him of the opportunity to have a family if it was something he really wanted in life. It's something that you can't really compromise on.

My current relationship is a long distance one (I'm in Adelaide he's in Melbourne), which made it even more difficult to know when to bring up kids haha. But I did and we had a good chat about it. He's undecided, which is better than him wanting them, but still makes me wary. But I told him all my reasons etc. He even said my opinions about it were swaying him (into the not having kids category). That wasn't my intention but some people don't think about certain things I guess. I think he thinks not liking kids is akin to maturity (which I disagree with) and he says "maybe I'll grow up one day". He's 32 lol. Anyway. He knows what he's in for.

My boss at work knew someone once, he was married to a really lovely woman and they had said they both didn't want kids. One day, he changed his mind. She didn't. So they got divorced :( But now they have both remarried and the guy has a kid with his new wife.

As much as it pains me to say it, if this is something you simply cannot look past, then the best course is to part ways :( You don't want to wait around just in case she changes her mind (which is unlikely). Luckily for men, you have time on your side because men can have kids at almost any age whereas it's more difficult for women.
I really feel for you, mate. I wish I had something more positive to impart :( also I'm sorry this was so long! GOOD LUCK.
 
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Catfish Alley

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Yep, got to say I agree. You’d be better off ending it sooner rather than later.

How old are you? It is definitely possible she could change her mind if still pretty young. You should have a proper chat about it though.
 
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