Perfect long term relationships that go sour

Catfish Alley

Brownlow Medallist
Aug 13, 2007
16,026
12,425
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Geelong
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Oilers
I can relate with the kids, no kids topic.

my partner and l wanted to have kids but never has happened after going though IVF multiple times though 2016,2017.
About 6-8 months ago we had a talk a kinda cross road kinda stuff she was saying things is this all life has to offer now no childern not much to look forward to.
I wanted her to be happy and offered to leave so she could maybe try a baby with someone else and she thought l didn't care about no children and the lost of the bady at 16 weeks as not affected me has much as her.
It has affected me now l dont know why now .l didn't grieve much about the loss and l kept working and saying busy.

Something set me off a few weeks back and seeing her so happy now, the happiest she been in years .She has a new range of friends and l felt like she might be moving on and leaving me behide, l felt she might even leave.

We have spoken and everything is ok between us.

Sorry if this is hard to read my spelling and grammar is Shithouse at times.
Sorry to hear about your loss but it sounds like she is happy now. It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s left you behind.

I did something similar to you when we lost a baby 6 years ago. It took until this year for it to bubble up. We planted a tree together in her memory. And we just reflected and spoke about it.

It’s easier said than done, but just talk. Talk about your loss, talk about your fear that she is leaving you behind etc. Often things are much worse in your head than in reality.
 

rocker_oz33

Hall of Famer
May 15, 2007
39,265
29,491
AFL Club
Geelong
Sorry to hear about your loss but it sounds like she is happy now. It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s left you behind.

I did something similar to you when we lost a baby 6 years ago. It took until this year for it to bubble up. We planted a tree together in her memory. And we just reflected and spoke about it.

It’s easier said than done, but just talk. Talk about your loss, talk about your fear that she is leaving you behind etc. Often things are much worse in your head than in reality.
Awesome post thank you Catfish :).
 

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Norwegian Blue

Club Legend
Aug 31, 2012
2,329
4,547
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Carlton
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******* stupid game
I'm going to post a positive story.

So last June, Mrs NB and I separated after 24 years of marriage, all up 30 years together.

We'd been treading water for a while: bickering, stupid fights, superficial emotionless sex, winding each other up, and generally having a shit time of it. Youngest child finished high school so, like a cliche, our shit hit the fan.

So, separation. fu**, what now? We both took long, hard looks at ourselves and tried to work out if we wanted to stay in our marriage and, if so, what needed to change to make that happen. We'd get together to talk maybe two or three times a week, and made a point of spending at least one weekend morning together walking/talking outside somewhere in a neutral environment.

We went to Relationships Australia and found a counselor we could both talk to, once a fortnight. Those sessions were draining as we both raised really long-term stuff that we'd been sweeping under the carpet. The worst thing is when it's laid out what a campaigner you are and you've really got no comeback but to honestly say "Yes I am".

It was touch and go for a while. Funny story: I realised I needed to upgrade my phone when I looked into downloading Tinder and my old Samsung 4 couldn't install it. :$

If I had one piece of advice for someone in similar circumstances it would be this: don't even think about what the other party did to bring about the mess, think about what you did. Focus on that. Because if you can be honest about that, even if you don't want to fix it, you'll enter your next relationship eyes wide open to your own shortcomings.

Eventually, after three months of soul searching, we got back together as a couple. We moved back in together a month later. Two months ago we had a slap-bang party with all our friends for our 25th and we just got back from a second honeymoon in the Maldives. (As an added bonus I missed Carlton's opening two games of the season!)

'Twas a tough period and at times I was borderline suicidal, but we got there.
 
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Taylor

Moderator
Jul 16, 2009
42,522
45,263
AFL Club
Fremantle
That is a nice plot for a movie, lovely :)

My guy and I hit a rough patch after the baby was born where 'us' time was the last priority. Burning out. We were recommended an intimacy experiment before Christmas and have been following that program every day since.

Works so well.
 

dave123

Cancelled
Apr 13, 2010
7,850
6,547
AFL Club
West Coast
I'm going to post a positive story.

So last June, Mrs NB and I separated after 24 years of marriage, all up 30 years together.

We'd been treading water for a while: bickering, stupid fights, superficial emotionless sex, winding each other up, and generally having a shit time of it. Youngest child finished high school so, like a cliche, our shit hit the fan.

So, separation. ****, what now? We both took long, hard looks at ourselves and tried to work out if we wanted to stay in our marriage and, if so, what needed to change to make that happen. We'd get together to talk maybe two or three times a week, and made a point of spending at least one weekend morning together walking/talking outside somewhere in a neutral environment.

We went to Relationships Australia and found a counselor we could both talk to, once a fortnight. Those sessions were draining as we both raised really long-term stuff that we'd been sweeping under the carpet. The worst thing is when it's laid out what a campaigner you are and you've really got no comeback but to honestly say "Yes I am".

It was touch and go for a while. Funny story: I realised I needed to upgrade my phone when I looked into downloading Tinder and my old Samsung 4 couldn't install it. :$

If I had one piece of advice for someone in similar circumstances it would be this: don't even think about what the other party did to bring about the mess, think about what you did. Focus on that. Because if you can be honest about that, even if you don't want to fix it, you'll enter your next relationship eyes wide open to your own shortcomings.

Eventually, after three months of soul searching, we got back together as a couple. We moved back in together a month later. Two months ago we had a slap-bang party with all our friends for our 25th and we just got back from a second honeymoon in the Maldives. (As an added bonus I missed Carlton's opening two games of the season!)

'Twas a tough period and at times I was borderline suicidal, but we got there.
Great story
 

W. Smithers

Premiership Player
Oct 11, 2006
4,965
4,182
AFL Club
Richmond
I messaged Billy Ray this recently...

She told me she was in a new relationship... and then I learn second hand shortly after that she is also engaged... Eight months after leaving me...

My friends have talked me into going to a GP to get a psychiatrist meeting and then start some form of medication... because I'm absolutely ******...

I hope none of you, nor anyone that you Know goes through anything like this...
My ex married 1 year after we separated.

Time heals, it really does, but it's tough.

I have just gotten off my meds.

My advice, bite your tongue, don't get petty if there are kids involved, no matter how tempting, or how many times the opportunity arises.

I get to see my kids a lot and I love my own time too. I've met a lot of nice girls, but no keepers yet, i'm not sure i'm ready for one anyway.
 

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Elroo

Club Legend
Jul 2, 2014
2,990
3,983
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North Melbourne
I meet my wife Dec 2004, proposed March 2005, married April 2006, still going strong 13 years later.

Dec 2015 we did a sea change, sold up inner city melbourne, moved down the Surf Coast, paid cash for a house close the beach, debt free, working when I want, spending Quality time with my wife and family.
 

Yakker

Fisherman
Apr 7, 2016
12,180
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Melbourne
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Mt Buller Demons
brutus76 sucks about your accident mate and hope you have a full recovery with time. The whole alienation thing with your boy is **** too. I went through that and trust me they work it out. Two of my three kids have seen through the lies and manipulation and came to live with me in their teens. The mother couldn’t handle it and barely talks to them. She continues to make it difficult for my youngest to see me (she will be 12 in November) however I see her for a day once a month and just try and make the day as natural and fun for her and stay away from discussing her mum. Each visit I tell her that we love having her and if she wants to come more often we would love to have her.

Stay strong mate, he will come around and see through the lies and ********, kids are much smarter than we give them credit for at times.
UPDATE!!!!!! On June 4th my youngest and last child said she had had enough of her mum's crap. She was questioning her mum's versions of events when evidence was there to the contrary when it came to me and my new partner. She has settled in well and right now has little desire to see her mum due to how she feels (Betrayed and hurt in her words). She is loving her new home and said to me yesterday "Dad, this is the first time in ages that I've actually looked fwd to coming home after school!"

Stay strong people, never give your kids reason to feel let down by your actions/words because they are smarter than we think and observe/absorb more than we think.
 

Engimal v3

Premiership Player
Suspended
Sep 21, 2017
4,137
7,976
AFL Club
North Melbourne
She got married a couple of months ago. Oh well, time goes on...
If anything, that can be your closure. It's done now, she's officially off the market.

I remember when my ex started dating again, it was a relief. It made me realise that I just had to get on with my life. Hopefully you can do the same, hope you're doing well mate.
 

StingBitten

Norm Smith Medallist
May 31, 2012
5,325
8,298
AFL Club
Fremantle
I'm 31 and all my male friends have broken up from long term 'perfect relationships', they're now lost trying to navigate through their 30s.

The girls were all bombshells and really easy to be around, and yet failed. My partner is average looking and at times I were jealous of my friends, my Mrs is my best mate though so that's something..
 

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