Perfect long term relationships that go sour

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dave123 said:
It will pass ....

I'm a counsellor and know all the underlying theories and pyschological needs
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What are the psychological needs? (Beside an internet connection that works).

Seriously it is like working out a game plan. Everyone knows what they are. Food, shelter, sex, then actualisation. Getting all and sundry is entirely different.
 
Run n Spread said:
What are the psychological needs? (Beside an internet connection that works).

Seriously it is like working out a game plan. Everyone knows what they are. Food, shelter, sex, then actualisation. Getting all and sundry is entirely different.
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Yes Maslows hierarchy of needs

Foxtel, net, PS4, bike, kayak ...golf clubs ....with a quiet beer or three ...I've acquired some nice toys along the way

The rental is nice area ....4 minutes from work, 3 minutes from the beach, 4 minutes from the golf course (which is next to the beach) what more do I need?

Purchased a brand new 50" ultra Hd Samsung TV with 4K .....yeah baby that's what I'm talki'n bout

I have found a nice rental and moving out in two weeks. My work structure will change ..



I going to do 5 x9 hour days when she has the kids ......45. Leaving 27 for when I have the boys. 8 hours on the Monday as they are in care after school till 5. Then 19 hours in four days ....that's 4.5 hours per day .....

It's working smarter not harder..I'll bet golf time while they are at school in the second week! I'm actually goi g to get more time with my kids than I currently had...and better quality.

Then I can also have the odd RDO WHEN SHE HAS THE KIDS ....having a whole day to myself!

Self actualisation never really happens. You might try though.

I was at the pub having a drink watching the footy on Saturday night and a girl came over and asked me to join thier group and we had a nice chat. Nothing to see her folks but it's a good sign.

Smashed out 60km on the road bike today and that felt great. I've quickly moved into the mode of it's about me now and what I do with my life and the kids lives (they are 10 and 12) great boys who love life

Yes there is some pain still but man I'm determined to crush it ...in fact today I welcomed the pain ...and it made rode the bike for 60km through a beautiful Forrest and hills

With music flowing through the pod I was in heaven

That woman has lost a good man ......and she won't know it for a while. I'm switching this right around.

Still getting counselling also and it's working - great therapist.
 
I had an excellent weekend. Went out with some mates Friday night and actually picked up. Sadly that's all it will be since she was from interstate, but fun was had. Its certainly made me walk a little taller since

The lows will always be low, probably not much I can do about that. It did feel weird though, I didn't at the time, but after the event, I felt guilty that I dared to move on
 
Mr_Smooth said:
I had an excellent weekend. Went out with some mates Friday night and actually picked up. Sadly that's all it will be since she was from interstate, but fun was had. Its certainly made me walk a little taller since

The lows will always be low, probably not much I can do about that. It did feel weird though, I didn't at the time, but after the event, I felt guilty that I dared to move on
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Fun is fun

You never know ...I'm sure she enjoyed too

Being open to new experiences is awesome also, well done. ......

Is she from wa ? .....:p

Just being cheeky :thumbsu:

Good on you I say
 
Billy ray said:
Do it often. Not the same day each week. Or same time per month or whenever. Mix it up.
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My wife hated flowers ....she didn't like gifts ...always said it was a waste of money

I can now clearly see why we didn't connect too well ...14 years it took me to realise
 

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dave123 said:
Fun is fun

You never know ...I'm sure she enjoyed too

Being open to new experiences is awesome also, well done. ......

Is she from wa ? .....:p

Just being cheeky :thumbsu:

Good on you I say
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I might not be great at reading women, but I'm 99% sure she enjoyed it too :)

she was from Canberra, she went back yesterday
 
Mr_Smooth said:
I might not be great at reading women, but I'm 99% sure she enjoyed it too :)

she was from Canberra, she went back yesterday
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Googling cameras flight prices right now :D

Nice work ...stay in touch with her ...

I went to an old friends place last night ...she texted me and said come for a glass of wine ....she's having a birthday party in a few weeks

She has lots of single freinds my age

Going with the flow ....not looking at all just flowing with life that's all and it feels good

I can see my ex wife is troubled by the fact I'm suddenly happy ....she dislikes the fact I've re organised my whole life and haven't asked he for anything as she immediately takes control.

She's not going to see the inside of my place ...ever

I will communicate with her openly about the children and she's reltiavely good mum but she won't be getting any insights into my other life

Looking forward to see the therapists today at 3 - working on the physchological aspects of moving out day

I asked if she could be absent and she looked at me in bewilderment ......like why? ....I said I've loved her for 14 years and lived here for 14 years and my whole family history is here and I will be going to a new place which will be empty and silent if any memories ...SHE PAUSED

OK .....I SEE IT she says......but she looked annoyed

More validation why I will never ever return to her ......the lack of simple human dignity is devoid in her life

She means well but has no lateral understanding how humans work.

I can now see clearly why she never understood me .....she came from a rich wealthy family ......dad paid for her first house ....well 50,000 towards it......car

I've had to grind my way through life, at 14 I could barely read or write ...yet now I'm a counsellor and make 80,000 a year and fairly articulate. She has no appreciation of the struggle I had. And that it will be tough to close this chapter when I move out

My mum was 4 when she fled Europe on a train ...to Escape at the end of the 2nd world war ....eating straw on train to survive ...she told me of her struggles to come Australia and couldn't speak she was so traumatised by the end of the war.

That early empathy I was taught me empathy and it now makes me who I am which is a caring, considerate and passionate person who sees positives no matter what the odds are.

My struggles turned me into one mentally resilient person ....power to me
 
The Lemon said:
see, this is my thinking.

I'd rather we slam the mortgage down
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that was my thinking too, and i thought it was fine by my ex wife as we had always been on the same page about slamming the mortgage down and didn't spend stuff on what I would call frivolous stuff)

but at our one and only counselling session it was an issue raised in passing along with other stuff. wasn't dwelled upon, but said nonetheless.

anyway, i say spend $20.even from a supermarket if not a dedicated florist. And say its for no real reason, just because you thought of her. see the reaction. if all good, do it on occasion, not all the time. if she specifically brings up the mortgage, waste of money etc etc. say you wont do it again, but she deserves them anyway this one time. and then instead of flowers, do something else which doesn't cost money and which you don't currently do.
perhaps you don't leave little love notes around the house - they cost nothing. so do that.
if you do that, excellent, keep doing it.
and instead look for something else. something she seems to always do (even if its agreed its her thing she does) - and just do it for her a few times
there is always something more you can do, more everyone can do.
 
Billy ray said:
if she specifically brings up the mortgage, waste of money etc etc. say you wont do it again, but she deserves them anyway this one time. and then instead of flowers, do something else which doesn't cost money and which you don't currently do.
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No, she wants the flowers. I would rather pay the mortgage :)

I have something lined up
 
The Lemon said:
No, she wants the flowers. I would rather pay the mortgage :)

I have something lined up
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good luck with it.
screw the mortgage I say. that's what ive learnt. just pay what you need to and don't get behind and ruin your credit rating etc.

by focusing on the mortgage, im left with no wife, half (time with) kids, and a twice as big mortgage to pay her out.
this massive mortgage I defn wont be able to pay off until im 70 (new 30 year term).

so suddenly, my life's grand plan to pay off home, retire at 55, and enjoy the 20-30 years thereafter has become work til 70, unless.... unless....
I really need a rich, older than usual cougar to take me in. I wonder if there is a website like sugardaddies, but for men
 
The Lemon said:
see, this is my thinking.

I'd rather we slam the mortgage down
Click to expand...

Try non verbal forms of love ....I might be in the throws of breaking up but I do know what makes relationships work with the right partner

Cook her favorite breakfast often

Make something for her

Unfortunately my relationship failed becaise my wife was a control freak ...and I was too nice and just got trampled on

Anyways I'm back in love again .....err with these!


image.jpeg

image.jpeg


They don't talk back

They bring me unbridled joy ......my Toys

Love them ....went padding on the weekend ...riding after work tonight

Clears my head
 
dave123 said:
Yeah ...women make a decision before men

Men suffer longer with the break up though

According to research

I'm a bit bitter and twisted today .......over the last six months I put in a huge effort to make it work

She made zero effort .....by boys are close to teenage years ......and when they do reach 13-14 they will see through her
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Just be careful. Let the children figure her out for themselves. You can offer advice though.
When my parents split, I was 9 at the time, Mum used to say the occasional bad thing about Dad. I didn't like it and sometimes it was doubtful if it was true. What I am trying to say is that your children will see these things for themselves and then they will talk to you about it as long as you try your best to be neutral.
My Dad wasn't a great father. However, most of that came from his upbringing. He still isn't a bad person. My Mum can be a very selfish person. These are some of the traits I am always working on to make myself a better person.
 
Having been sent packing from my relationship so she could do with some mental demons (anxiety/depression) moved back into one of the olds place and now ready to get back out there nearly 3 months later. The time since it happened, I made sure I cooked well, exercised when I could and got some pattern in my life. Ended up having dinner with her few weeks back now and she kept dropping comments like you look well, lost weight etc. Who knows what she wants, I think she doesn't, but feels good knowing that I am in a good place. Been back on tinder past week or so and the matches are dribbling in, and just some conversation with the opposite sex has been great.
 
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