Perfect long term relationships that go sour

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daddy_4_eyes

daddy_4_eyes

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Was thinking about this the other day after a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years. A lot of people are in long term relationships that at some stage felt perfect. "He/she is the one" and "I'll marry him/her one day" are the sort of phrases that are thrown around.

And then one day these relationships end for whatever reason.

This particular friends relationship was sh1t to begin with. Always fighting, always doing selfish things, etc. How it last 5 years is a mystery.


I'd like to hear people's stories.
Did you just get bored of that person? Did their flaws irritate you to the point of not being able to stand being around them? Was the relationship a farce to begin with?
 
My brother was with his girlfriend for about six years. She was 15 and he was 19 when they got together. My brother said he would probably marry one day as he felt she was 'the one' etc...Then July last year they planned a trip to the snow with another couple. The night before they left, she told him it the relationship wasn't working for her anymore and she needed her freedom. My brother was heart-broken, but understood that she was young and needed to be independent for a while. They talked about getting back together later.

A month later he spotted her in the local shopping centre with her new boyfriend, and of course the photographic evidence popped up on Facebook. He found out she had been cheating on him about four months before their breakup.

My brother is a great kid. He is a level-headed, intelligent and just generally a good person. These revelations really screwed him up for a bit. He would just get s**t-faced every weekend (totally out of character), and even needed a bit of counselling to help him get his life back on track. He is good now, has wonderful job prospects and has started getting himself fit and healthy again.

Funny the way things work out.
 
jacqui9 said:
My brother was with his girlfriend for about six years. She was 15 and he was 19 when they got together. My brother said he would probably marry one day as he felt she was 'the one' etc...Then July last year they planned a trip to the snow with another couple. The night before they left, she told him it the relationship wasn't working for her anymore and she needed her freedom. My brother was heart-broken, but understood that she was young and needed to be independent for a while. They talked about getting back together later.

A month later he spotted her in the local shopping centre with her new boyfriend, and of course the photographic evidence popped up on Facebook. He found out she had been cheating on him about four months before their breakup.

My brother is a great kid. He is a level-headed, intelligent and just generally a good person. These revelations really screwed him up for a bit. He would just get s**t-faced every weekend (totally out of character), and even needed a bit of counselling to help him get his life back on track. He is good now, has wonderful job prospects and has started getting himself fit and healthy again.

Funny the way things work out.
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Yeah, way too young.

Well I met this girl when I was 20..she was 19. We were very good friends, had sex (young drunken sex) a couple of times early on....but basically we were just really good friends for years (had a few gf's in that time) until one night 8 years later when it blossomed in a full blown relationship.

Yep, she was the one alright. I couldnt have dreamed to be with anyone else, and either could she.

Anyway, we bought a house together, married 4 years later and had 2 beautiful girls. An absolute fairytale.


Now, a little over 2 years on, we are separated and getting a divorce. We each couldnt wait to get away from the other one. Little s**t fights over stupid things were commonplace which created a bad environment for the kids.

I could go on for pages about the reasons why, but essentially we both ended up discovering that we had little in common...and thats after knowing her for 15 years.
 

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A lot of my friends are getting married, they're all between 22 and 25. I think it's way, way too young to get married. I think a lot of people think that they've been together for x number of years, maybe they bought a house together, they should just get married. People change throughout their 20s and into their 30s too. It's such a shame to see people getting divorced at 26 or 27, you know? :(

Plus, I think a lot of young women are obsessed with the idea of a fairytale wedding and don't think beyond that one day - 'their' day :rolleyes:
 
Agreed Hools.
The idea that we all have a soulmate or 'the one' is silly.

Also agree about fairytale weddings. Nothing boggles my mind more then people spending thousands and thousands on over the top weddings and thinking it's some goddamn fairytale.
 
daddy_4_eyes said:
Was thinking about this the other day after a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years. A lot of people are in long term relationships that at some stage felt perfect. "He/she is the one" and "I'll marry him/her one day" are the sort of phrases that are thrown around.

And then one day these relationships end for whatever reason.

This particular friends relationship was sh1t to begin with. Always fighting, always doing selfish things, etc. How it last 5 years is a mystery.


I'd like to hear people's stories.
Did you just get bored of that person? Did their flaws irritate you to the point of not being able to stand being around them? Was the relationship a farce to begin with?
Click to expand...

I think this is what causes break ups, both the men & women act differently when single, as soon as they're married their true personalities come through.

I also know a lot of people who have been happily married for over 30 years.

I think to have a long term happy relationship, you have to be yourself from day one, be yourself & not pretend you are happy with your partners personality until after you are married & then try & change them.
 
Hooley McBoob said:
A lot of my friends are getting married, they're all between 22 and 25. I think it's way, way too young to get married. I think a lot of people think that they've been together for x number of years, maybe they bought a house together, they should just get married. People change throughout their 20s and into their 30s too. It's such a shame to see people getting divorced at 26 or 27, you know? :(

Plus, I think a lot of young women are obsessed with the idea of a fairytale wedding and don't think beyond that one day - 'their' day :rolleyes:
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agree with all this..well said.
 
Hard Ball Get said:
I think it has a lot to do with age.
Young people tend to get to that age where they have been together for a few years and then realise that they are turning into different people or they want to go in different directions.
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That's why I don't get it! Why rush into marriage? Even if you've been together 5 years or something, if you're still young you are probably going to grow and change. Maybe there's pressure to get married? Or maybe they do genuinely want to marry the person they're with. Who knows.
 

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Hooley McBoob said:
That's why I don't get it! Why rush into marriage? Even if you've been together 5 years or something, if you're still young you are probably going to grow and change. Maybe there's pressure to get married? Or maybe they do genuinely want to marry the person they're with. Who knows.
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there are a lot of factors that may be involved.
quite often for cultural reasons girls may get a bit insecure if they're not married by a certain age. they also start to think about bioligical clocks etc. my ex used to talk about her biological clock - she was 21 at the time. (and before anyone asks - no i am not and have never been married)

i dont think the issue is that they want to get married early - i think its more the security knowing that they're married - because they probably fear growing old and lonely and think the sooner they get married the sooner they can seal that deal and not have to worry about eternal loneliness
 
Nardz said:
there are a lot of factors that may be involved.
quite often for cultural reasons girls may get a bit insecure if they're not married by a certain age. they also start to think about bioligical clocks etc. my ex used to talk about her biological clock - she was 21 at the time. (and before anyone asks - no i am not and have never been married)

i dont think the issue is that they want to get married early - i think its more the security knowing that they're married - because they probably fear growing old and lonely and think the sooner they get married the sooner they can seal that deal and not have to worry about eternal loneliness
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Apart from cultural or religious factors obviously. I worry about my biological clock too to be honest - I'm 24! We're at our peak fertility when we're 23, isn't that insane?

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but getting married to 'seal the deal' is such a load of crap. Am I being too romantic?
 
Hooley McBoob said:
Apart from cultural or religious factors obviously. I worry about my biological clock too to be honest - I'm 24! We're at our peak fertility when we're 23, isn't that insane?

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but getting married to 'seal the deal' is such a load of crap. Am I being too romantic?
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is that in fact insane - or is it a sign of what the human body was designed for? the fact that the human body is at peak fertility when we're 23 is probably for a reason - the fact that our culture has started to shift to a point where most marriages dont start until long after peak fertility is probably the insane thing..
 
Hooley McBoob said:
I also don't believe in the concept of 'the one'. The only true 'one' you have is yourself, and I believe that throughout our lives we could be happy with any number of people. Just depends where you are in life, you know?
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I disagree to a large extent.
Personally, in all the relationships I had been in, I had never felt any strong feelings for the girl. I was with her because it was an easy shag, or because she was good company. But I never felt in love. So much so that I came to the conclusion that love is an exaggereted myth and settling for someone I got along with would have sufficed for me.

But now I'm with a girl where all of the above has gone out the window. She's the only one I've felt like this about, and if I marry her one day she'll end up being the only one I have ever or ever will feel like that about.

Isn't that the definition of 'the one'?
 
I now realise I got it all wrong. Instead of attending school for 12yrs, uni for 3 and working, I should have been shacking up with a chick instead and aiming to get her knocked up from 15 only interrupted by going out for the ocassional fish or hunting / forraging for food.. Then, for the next 20yrs we live happily in to old age and raise our kids. Oh, you say what?

It's interesting that our prime biological age is so young.....but kids in to your early to mid 30's is still the norm. Wouldn't be wanting to have kids older than that though- would rather be a reasonably young Dad than more like their Grandpa.
 
Hooley McBoob said:
I also don't believe in the concept of 'the one'. The only true 'one' you have is yourself, and I believe that throughout our lives we could be happy with any number of people. Just depends where you are in life, you know?
Click to expand...

Thats pretty obvious though.

When u are in love with someone...they are the "one". Its just a romantic term.
Its not suggesting that there is only one person out in the world that would make you happy, because if there was, you would never find them. I probably walk past a couple of women every day that would make me happy for the rest of my life.
 
Yeah. I mean what if the one person you were meant to be with - your 'one' - died or something? Are you destined to be alone for the rest of your life? Of course not.

Nardz and J Moore - I meant more insane that, at 24, I need to start thinking about my biological clock!
 
Hooley McBoob said:
Nardz and J Moore - I meant more insane that, at 24, I need to start thinking about my biological clock!
Click to expand...

Are u getting clucky?:D

Dont let it concern u.


edit: I went out for a few drinks with this 29yr old(I think) early last week and she obviously had the hormones on hypercharge as she had babies on the brain big time. Brought the subject up quite early on. Alarms were going off in her clock.
 
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