Perfect long term relationships that go sour

[The Sultan]

I not sure if this belongs here or deserves its own thread.. in a bit of a predicament.

Long story short, seperated and divorced from my ex-wife and mother of my three kids. Things are ok most of the time but still can get testy at times. We both have new partners, she doesnt live with hers I live with mine. We share custody of the two youngest kids, \ my 17yo who didnt get along with my new partner so decided not to come to mine anymore, I still catch up with my eldest on a weekly basis for dinner/milk shake or just a drive.

all the above stuff is fine, the current issue is, my second born is doing their Deb in April (my eldest missed out due to Covid) and have just found out that I will only get one ticket to the Deb, my partner or any other member of my family will not get one, aparently there are limited tickets. My ex, however is able to get a ticket for our other two kids (no issue with that) but also her partner as well as her mother and aunt.

Obviously i was a little put out, I have been with my partner for 5 odd year and she has been a part of my kids lives to a degree for most of that time. I spoke to the ex about it in a calm manner she said that she has been is in contact with the venue/deb committe and apparenly only one person per family can organise tickets. She also said it was my second born whos is doing the deb's, decision who was invited, and for what its worth gets along well with my partner.

I also spoke to the second born and they round about way said that they were the names given to the ex. but I think there may have been a little cohersion. My ex can bebit maliputive and unstable when she doesnt get things her way. I also think they dont want the whole thing to turn into a fight so it trying to keep mum happy

I definaly want to go to the event, and i also want to take my partner, but if I push it and able to get her a ticket and we all sit together then there is going to be tension and mix that with alcohol could explode. I dont want to ruin my daughters night.

the tickets dont go on sale for another week or so, so I am going to try and contact the venue/organisers explain that we cant sit together and get a few tickets on a separate table, but my ex said there are not extra tables only one table each for the debutant couples to share. Im not 100% sure how it all work i didnt do my deb and only ever been to one (a long time ago)

if I cant get seperate tickets how should I play it.

• go along by self, and upset my partner
• convince my second born to change her list
• get a ticket for partner and roll the dice it all turns to s**t
• not go at all
• other ?

 

[MWPP]

if I cant get seperate tickets how should I play it.

• go along by self, and upset my partner
• convince my second born to change her list
• get a ticket for partner and roll the dice it all turns to sh*t
• not go at all
• other ?

Go by yourself . For your own sake and your child, unless you want to let down your child . I would hope that your partner would understand that you’ve tried to get separate tickets (by chatting to both your ex and your child, and even trying for additional tickets on a separate table which on face value seems like the most feasible solution )

 

[ash_1050]

• go along by self, and upset my partner
• convince my second born to change her list
• get a ticket for partner and roll the dice it all turns to sh*t
• not go at all
• other ?

Not the best situation to be in, but the right decision would be to go by yourself. It's your daughter's night, and if you go with any other option it's only going to escalate things and possibly ruin the night for her. The last thing you want is your kid feeling like she's being used as a pawn if you stamp your feet and demand your partner comes along as well at the expense of an already invited family member.

 

[The Sultan]

Appreciate the advice but it looks like crisis averted, I can get tickets on a separate table .

Think will need to address this with the ex though there is going to be plenty of events in the future

 

[The Sultan]

Update 2.0… organising my own table, and now my mum and step dad, both brothers and their wives and my cousin and his wife are coming. We nearly have a full table of our own, and my family is good fun.

Has gone from it nearly me being on my own (excluding my kids) to it being with my most of my family. Looking forward to it now.

 

[Perth gal]

Update 2.0… organising my own table, and now my mum and step dad, both brothers and their wives and my cousin and his wife are coming. We nearly have a full table of our own, and my family is good fun.

Has gone from it nearly me being on my own (excluding my kids) to it being with my most of my family. Looking forward to it now.

Enjoy....

 

[rocker_oz33]

Sorry, I'm not interested in being friends with short people. short people piss me off.

Short .
With a short d1ck .

.

 

[Macca180]

Takes some people a very long time to get over long term relationship bust ups.

Some never do.

 

[rocker_oz33]

Takes some people a very long time to get over long term relationship bust ups.

Some never do.

The one that does the busting .

Normally moves on quicker.

 

[Macca180]

The one that does the busting .

Normally moves on quicker.

yep. they are fine.

the one who didn't see it coming, suffers.

 

[mr bagcroft]

The one that does the busting .

Normally moves on quicker.

Not always.
its complex.
Im living it.

 

[Macca180]

Not always.
its complex.
Im living it.

How bad is it? How u travelling?

 

[mr bagcroft]

How bad is it? How u travelling?

its hard.
25 years together, last 3 a s**t show.
Still see each other, platonically.
No Bad blood.
But cant move on, seems she cant either, though she made the call originally.
A prime case of how to NOT do it.

 

[Macca180]

its hard.
25 years together, last 3 a s**t show.
Still see each other, platonically.
No Bad blood.
But cant move on, seems she cant either, though she made the call originally.
A prime case of how to NOT do it.

yeah man. Its not easy. It's loss, grieving.

 

[rocker_oz33]

Not always.
its complex.
Im living it.

I don't know what to say .

But I hope everything works out for you.

 

[mike ross]

its hard.
25 years together, last 3 a s**t show.
Still see each other, platonically.
No Bad blood.
But cant move on, seems she cant either, though she made the call originally.
A prime case of how to NOT do it.

You and her are never gonna move on if you keep seeing each other. Got to have some time apart.

 

[The Dice Man]

its hard.
25 years together, last 3 a s**t show.
Still see each other, platonically.
No Bad blood.
But cant move on, seems she cant either, though she made the call originally.
A prime case of how to NOT do it.

25 years is such a long time, even if the first 22 years were good it's hard to understand how it goes wrong unless through infidelity or trust issues. Sorry for you and feel for you.

 

[Glacier]

Was blinsided by the end of my relationship in Jan, she had a lot of damage but I seem to be punished because of it
I am angry and hurt and cant seem to find a way out
Everyone says" know your worth, be kind to yourself"

No words help at all, I feel lost

 

[Macca180]

Was blinsided by the end of my relationship in Jan, she had a lot of damage but I seem to be punished because of it
I am angry and hurt and cant seem to find a way out
Everyone says" know your worth, be kind to yourself"

No words help at all, I feel lost

Right. Hang in there man. u gonna go through all the emotions... anger, confusion, depression, grieving.

Words don't help but the truth is ...Time man time.

If she was toxic and a campaigner you are better off. u just don't see it yet.

 

[Glacier]

Right. Hang in there man. u gonna go through all the emotions... anger, confusion, depression, grieving.

Words don't help but the truth is ...Time man time.

If she was toxic and a campaigner you are better off. u just don't see it yet.

Starting to see it
But hard to reconcile she was everything she said she wasnt

 

[utility]

This is a MUST watch if you are considering marriage. Interesting anecdotes and decent legal insights.

I made a mistake not going in with a prenup. Going to be following me for about another decade. Would not consider an LTR again without a water-tight prenup.

 

[Taylor]

So I'm in a lot of trouble now. I've been with my current partner for 3 years, I'm living in Switzerland as an Aussie expat and she is Czech. We've almost never even had an argument at all the whole time but lately something has felt off for me. We don't have that much common to be honest. We enjoy each others company but to do stuff together has kind of felt like a chore for me lately. For example, She doesn't drink at all so if we're on holidays and I want to hang at a bar for a while I could have maybe 4 beers in the time it takes her to drink 1 aperol spritz. It's just not fun. Her whole family speak no English at all so I can never have a conversation with any of them without her there to translate. There's no way I'm going to learn czech, I'm already struggling with German. At the start it was nice but now I'm finding I have to repeat everything I say 2 or 3 times for her to understand me.

As I said before she's never done anything wrong by me, we laugh, we don't fight, she does all the laundry, she cooks at home (even though it's my profession) in every sense of a normal person, she's genuinely a treasure. But shame on me, I just can't appreciate it. I dont mind being independent as I grew up having to take care of myself, and I kind of feel like it's been taken away from me. I don't want to go through my whole life not understanding her or her family and I just don't have the Resolven to learn her language.. Even though we are okay together, it would be difficult for me to say we have 'fun' together. We just like completely different things.

We live together as well, and as I'm in a foreign country so it's not like I can just move out at the drop of a hat and find somewhere else to live. So at the moment I feel like the biggest thing holding me back from ending the relationship is not knowing where I will be sleeping tomorrow. I have some friends here of course I can crash with, but the housing market is tight and it could be a significant amount of time before I find a place of my own and it'd be significantly more expensive.

The other thing is I truly really care about her, and I know it will completely blindside her if I call it quits and I wont know how to deal with it. She really hasn't done anything wrong, I've been trying to drop hints I'm unhappy and she seems completely oblivious and just tries to please me more. I think I've just realised myself we aren't compatible in the long run. It will devastate her when I tell her and I won't know how to handle it. I've had long term girlfriends before but never this serious. What do I do?

The situation is taking a huge toll right now and I have no idea how to deal with it.

What do you want?
It's not that simple
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

But seriously, what do you want from a life partner? Do you share values? Do you need her to be your best friend or a woman version of you?

How do you serve her in the relationship? How do you honour her efforts to serve you? If you don't then you're presented with an opportunity to either begin doing that for a while and see if you can stir up some toxic masculinity bonds with the future mother of your children or you reach the realisation that you aren't respecting her and she isn't standing up for herself over it and you respect her less for that - but you're not a total psycho so you take that inboard as a you feeling so you feel bad about it (which it is).

Try faking appreciation for the woman for a couple of months and see how it goes, everything will be easier after New Year whichever direction you choose to go.