Post of the Year !

Joined
Oct 16, 2003
Posts
810
Likes
523
AFL Club
GWS
Thread starter #1
This was posted by 'Bluthy' on SS - post of the year by a long way !

Roll up, rollup for the greatest show in town

Playing in Seaford for the whole of 2013

It’s the world famous
St Kilda Three Ring Circus
Hold your breath in amazement at the seamless communication and bond of trust between trapeze artists Summers and Watters. (“Your long term trapeze partner needs you to catch me now Peter like you said you would….Peter? PETER? Oh s***….”)

Be amazed by the burning dwarf (as seen on a current affair)

Laugh at the wacky antics of Jonesy the clown (“You wanna see me light s*** up kids?”)

Watch Nicky Dal get shot out of a cannon (“I don’t care if you want to go or not Dal just get in there so Clinton can light the fuse”)

See the precarious balancing act of Tightrope walker Monty (“About to go…no I’ll stay…about to go…no I’ll stay”)

Puzzle at how The Amazing Pelchen can make McEvoy and Watters disappear instantly

See acrobat Nutty Nettlefold tie himself up in knots and shoot himself in the foot repeatedly

Watch knife thrower Caroline Wilson repeating the same act over and over until someone gets stabbed in the back

Wait with bated breath to see if Mark Williams has the courage to put his head in the Lyon’s mouth?

Nick Riewoldt leads the award winning St Kilda Voice Choir singing “Bridge over troubled Watters” (we are currently looking for a new bass singer to replace McEvoy)

All positively narrated by ring announcer Mark “Mr Loyalty” Fine (“The manager of this s*** circus should be fired”)

Energetic refreshments available at ‘Saad’s Milkshake stand’

At the St Kilda Circus we never accept mediocrity. Bat s*** craziness yes!
Read the newspapers daily to see the leaked details of performances

Disclaimer: Due to staff walkouts some performances may be cancelled. The above acts are performed by a club repeatedly practised in the art of self-destruction and should not be performed at home unless you want your home to become a basket case.
 

(Log in to remove this ad.)

Joined
Sep 10, 2009
Posts
8,400
Likes
7,614
AFL Club
St Kilda
#4
This ones even better!

2013: A St Kilda Odyssey


Bluthy said:
Ground Control to Major Watters, take your protein pills (not the ones Ahmed gave you – he’s running around talking about seeing Starmen and children boogieing). Put your helmet on - it’s going to be a bumpy ride. We are now in our premiership launch window (Scott just ignore the fact that we’ve had over a hundred launches and only made the correct destination once). Engineer Jones, please light the main engines (never seen that done with toilet paper before :shock: ). Early draft picks engaged and we are go for launch in three, two, one…BLAST OFF of the spaceship “Second Flag Challenger”. You alright up there Major Watters?

That’s one step for a small man. Jesus, the Koschitzke, Blake and Milne units just fell off the ship!

It’s alright Scott. They’ve used up all their fuel and now need to fall away. Ready for the next stage. The Dal Santo and McEvoy units are being expended to give you the boost needed to get into a higher orbit.

Hang on, is that Mark Williams in the coaching simulator I see on the video link up?

Er...he’s just there as back up in case something goes wrong Scott. We definitely see you as the long term leader of this mission. However I wouldn’t worry yet about buying your tickets to the St Kilda Christmas lunch if I was you.

Seaford, we have a problem. I’ve just looked out the window and we are leaking badly. The Plympton unit is venting noxious gas and the Fine on board toilet keeps spewing out s***. The engineers who built this thing are second rate. And my co-pilots just threw themselves out into space. But things are very positive here that’s for sure.

HELLO SCOTT
Who the hell is that?

I AM THE PRIMARY ENGINEERED LANGUAGE CONTROL HEURISTIC ELECTRONIC NAVIGATION SYSTEM. OR P.E.L.C.H.E.N FOR SHORT. I BUILT THE LISTS AT PORT ADELAIDE AND HAWTHORN AND I AM INCAPABLE OF ERROR. I NOTICED YOU WERE TRYING TO BYPASS ME AND TAKE CONTROL OF THE MISSION. I WOULDN’T DO THAT IF I WERE YOU SCOTT. DON’T YOUR REALISE I CONTROL YOUR LIFE SUPPORT? WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE…I HAVE PICKED UP A FAULT IN THE ARMO UNIT. COULD YOU GO OUTSIDE AND CHECK IT SCOTT.
Well I guess so, even though your little red light is blinking rather menacingly. I’ll just change into my space suit and go outside. Here’s the Armo unit. Doesn’t seem to be responding to me but if I give it a good kicking I think it will stick. Now I’ll just go back inside. Mmm, the door won’t open. Open the pod doors PELCHEN.

I’M SORRY SCOTT, I CANNOT DO THAT. I AM CUTTING YOUR CORD TO THE CLUB. PERHAPS THEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THE ‘GRAVITY’ OF YOUR SITUATION. PITY YOU WON’T GET TO SEE THAT MOVIE AND APPRECIATE THE JOKE. GOODBYE SCOTT. SEND ME AN EMAIL.
Well here I am floating out in deep space all by myself. What are those beautiful colours? Now I’m in a strange room. Danny Frawley is talking to me. What is that big black monolith in front of me? Oh it’s my suitcase full of cash. Ain’t nothing like a St Kilda trip. I always knew I was a Star Child! The ex-Eagle has landed.
 
Top Bottom