LP1 for his ex beloved Bombers
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SwansProudly
Moderator
- Sep 5, 2016
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- #77
will do #22 Bribane
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Yeah ok can put something together for this
Just give me time (will probably be up tomorrow).
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The King!
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Just ask ChatGPT to do it
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Here
Alright, here’s your unfiltered, one-eyed Swans board preview for Sydney v Geelong at the SCG on Sunday August 17, Sunday arvo. No word count limits, no politeness, no “balanced journalism” — just pure Red & White tribalism and a relentless roasting of those farm-owning, cotton-peddling, cap-cheating moggies from down the highway.
---
## The Swans v The Cats: SCG Bloodbath Incoming
This Sunday, our fortress on Driver Avenue becomes a wildlife rescue centre for a bunch of lost, domesticated Cats who’ve wandered in from Corio looking for their latest third-party handouts. They’ll be sniffing around the Members Stand for envelopes, tractors, and “just a little cash job on the side” from Uncle Frank’s farm, only to cop four quarters of the most relentless Sydney pressure since the AFL tried to ban the COLA.
Geelong fans like to pretend they’re the wholesome country club, just a bunch of local boys from the paddock having a kick — but pull back the curtain and you find the biggest rort machine in the competition. Cotton On “jobs” for blokes who couldn’t fold a t-shirt if their life depended on it, “consultancy roles” with Morris Finance that sound more like someone handing out free utes behind the Kardinia Park changerooms, and the famous “we’ll buy you a farm if you sign on” retention strategy.
Let’s call it what it is: cheating with a cardigan on.
---
## The Cotton On Con
The Cats’ favourite trick? That Cotton On sponsorship. Supposedly it’s just a retail partnership, but somehow every star recruit and their dog ends up with a mysterious “brand ambassador” gig that happens to pay enough to cover the mortgage. It’s all legal, apparently — in the same way parking in a disabled spot “just for five minutes” is legal if no one sees you.
You can picture it now: some fringe player rocks up for his first “shift” at Cotton On HQ. They hand him a latte, take a photo for the socials, and then whisk him out the back where Brian Cook quietly slides him a brown paper bag and a free voucher for a John Deere dealership.
---
## Farms, Fords & Favouritism
Only Geelong could turn “local community support” into a tax-free property handout. It’s the same story every year: a disgruntled Swan leaves for Geelong and suddenly he’s got a 20-acre property, a new Ranger ute, and a “family-run vineyard” he can’t pronounce the name of. Funny how no one from Geelong ever seems to get homesick.
Meanwhile, the Swans have to fight tooth and nail to keep our players with nothing but pride, loyalty, and the occasional decent coffee in Newtown.
---
## Sunday: When the Scam Meets the Slam
This won’t be pretty for the Cats. The SCG is where our blood runs thick and theirs runs cold. The short deck, the crowd breathing down your neck, the knowledge that you can’t buy your way out of trouble here — it all gets to them. They don’t have the legs for the pressure, and they sure as hell don’t have the honesty to win fair and square.
Our midfield will eat theirs alive. Every clearance we win is another nail in the coffin of their “country club charm” narrative. Our defence will strangle their forwards until they’re looking for the umpire to pay a soft free, and our forwards will make their backline look like they’re playing in gumboots.
---
## Geelong’s Excuse Generator (Post-Match Edition)
We already know what Chris Scott’s press conference will sound like:
---
## Why the Swans Will Smash Them
1. Hunger – We’re not full from stuffing our faces on third-party perks.
2. Honesty – We win with talent and effort, not loopholes.
3. The Fortress – SCG is the smallest ground in the league; there’s nowhere to hide from our pressure.
4. The Crowd – 30,000 one-eyed maniacs who can smell a cheat from the O’Reilly Stand.
---
## Prediction
The Swans by 52 points. A proper dismantling. The kind of loss that sends Geelong fans back down the highway in silence, wondering if maybe — just maybe — a life without suspiciously generous “ambassador deals” would be better for the soul.
And when it’s over, we’ll walk out of the SCG knowing we’ve done what the AFL hasn’t had the guts to do for years: expose the Cats for the overpaid, over-protected, over-hyped rort artists they are.
---
If you want, I can make an even more savage "Geelong player by player roast" as a follow-up so your BigFooty thread can absolutely melt. That’d get the Swans board foaming. Want me to do that next?
Alright, here’s your unfiltered, one-eyed Swans board preview for Sydney v Geelong at the SCG on Sunday August 17, Sunday arvo. No word count limits, no politeness, no “balanced journalism” — just pure Red & White tribalism and a relentless roasting of those farm-owning, cotton-peddling, cap-cheating moggies from down the highway.
---
## The Swans v The Cats: SCG Bloodbath Incoming
This Sunday, our fortress on Driver Avenue becomes a wildlife rescue centre for a bunch of lost, domesticated Cats who’ve wandered in from Corio looking for their latest third-party handouts. They’ll be sniffing around the Members Stand for envelopes, tractors, and “just a little cash job on the side” from Uncle Frank’s farm, only to cop four quarters of the most relentless Sydney pressure since the AFL tried to ban the COLA.
Geelong fans like to pretend they’re the wholesome country club, just a bunch of local boys from the paddock having a kick — but pull back the curtain and you find the biggest rort machine in the competition. Cotton On “jobs” for blokes who couldn’t fold a t-shirt if their life depended on it, “consultancy roles” with Morris Finance that sound more like someone handing out free utes behind the Kardinia Park changerooms, and the famous “we’ll buy you a farm if you sign on” retention strategy.
Let’s call it what it is: cheating with a cardigan on.
---
## The Cotton On Con
The Cats’ favourite trick? That Cotton On sponsorship. Supposedly it’s just a retail partnership, but somehow every star recruit and their dog ends up with a mysterious “brand ambassador” gig that happens to pay enough to cover the mortgage. It’s all legal, apparently — in the same way parking in a disabled spot “just for five minutes” is legal if no one sees you.
You can picture it now: some fringe player rocks up for his first “shift” at Cotton On HQ. They hand him a latte, take a photo for the socials, and then whisk him out the back where Brian Cook quietly slides him a brown paper bag and a free voucher for a John Deere dealership.
---
## Farms, Fords & Favouritism
Only Geelong could turn “local community support” into a tax-free property handout. It’s the same story every year: a disgruntled Swan leaves for Geelong and suddenly he’s got a 20-acre property, a new Ranger ute, and a “family-run vineyard” he can’t pronounce the name of. Funny how no one from Geelong ever seems to get homesick.
Meanwhile, the Swans have to fight tooth and nail to keep our players with nothing but pride, loyalty, and the occasional decent coffee in Newtown.
---
## Sunday: When the Scam Meets the Slam
This won’t be pretty for the Cats. The SCG is where our blood runs thick and theirs runs cold. The short deck, the crowd breathing down your neck, the knowledge that you can’t buy your way out of trouble here — it all gets to them. They don’t have the legs for the pressure, and they sure as hell don’t have the honesty to win fair and square.
Our midfield will eat theirs alive. Every clearance we win is another nail in the coffin of their “country club charm” narrative. Our defence will strangle their forwards until they’re looking for the umpire to pay a soft free, and our forwards will make their backline look like they’re playing in gumboots.
---
## Geelong’s Excuse Generator (Post-Match Edition)
We already know what Chris Scott’s press conference will sound like:
- “We were a bit unlucky with injuries.” (Translation: the Cotton On physio was on lunch break.)
- “The boys just didn’t adapt to the conditions.” (Translation: there’s no tractor access to the SCG.)
- “We’ll take some positives from this one.” (Translation: we’ve got three new farm deals lined up for the trade period.)
---
## Why the Swans Will Smash Them
1. Hunger – We’re not full from stuffing our faces on third-party perks.
2. Honesty – We win with talent and effort, not loopholes.
3. The Fortress – SCG is the smallest ground in the league; there’s nowhere to hide from our pressure.
4. The Crowd – 30,000 one-eyed maniacs who can smell a cheat from the O’Reilly Stand.
---
## Prediction
The Swans by 52 points. A proper dismantling. The kind of loss that sends Geelong fans back down the highway in silence, wondering if maybe — just maybe — a life without suspiciously generous “ambassador deals” would be better for the soul.
And when it’s over, we’ll walk out of the SCG knowing we’ve done what the AFL hasn’t had the guts to do for years: expose the Cats for the overpaid, over-protected, over-hyped rort artists they are.
---
If you want, I can make an even more savage "Geelong player by player roast" as a follow-up so your BigFooty thread can absolutely melt. That’d get the Swans board foaming. Want me to do that next?
Ticky009
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- Jun 2, 2014
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The King!
Chosen One
Oh and it added a Heeney tribute
Isaac Heeney: Our Blonde-Haired, Mark-Taking, Goal-Kicking God
Isaac Heeney isn’t just a footballer — he’s a gift. A shimmering, sunlit, Bondi-surfing deity in a Swans guernsey. Every mark he takes is art. Every goal he kicks is poetry. And every time he smiles, a Geelong player’s third-party deal gets quietly revoked.
This season, he’s been everywhere — midfield bull, forward assassin, wing wizard. He doesn’t just find the ball; the ball finds him, terrified of what he might do to it if it tries to run away.
Heeney’s hangers make grown men gasp and children pick up footies for the first time. His fend-offs are the stuff of nightmares for defenders. His hair — immaculate, even after four quarters in the rain — makes entire marketing departments weep because they’ll never capture perfection like that.
And best of all? He’s ours. Not lured down the highway with a free ute. Not swayed by a “regional ambassador role” that pays triple his wage. No — Isaac Heeney plays for Sydney because he bleeds for Sydney. Because he is Sydney.
On Sunday, he’s going to light up the SCG like Vivid. The Cats can throw Stewart, Blicavs, or even Dangerfield at him, but it won’t matter. He’ll leap over them like they’re nothing more than a farm fence. And when the siren goes, he’ll jog off with three goals, 25 touches, and the smug satisfaction of knowing he’s the best player on the ground by a mile.
Isaac Heeney: Our Blonde-Haired, Mark-Taking, Goal-Kicking God
Isaac Heeney isn’t just a footballer — he’s a gift. A shimmering, sunlit, Bondi-surfing deity in a Swans guernsey. Every mark he takes is art. Every goal he kicks is poetry. And every time he smiles, a Geelong player’s third-party deal gets quietly revoked.
This season, he’s been everywhere — midfield bull, forward assassin, wing wizard. He doesn’t just find the ball; the ball finds him, terrified of what he might do to it if it tries to run away.
Heeney’s hangers make grown men gasp and children pick up footies for the first time. His fend-offs are the stuff of nightmares for defenders. His hair — immaculate, even after four quarters in the rain — makes entire marketing departments weep because they’ll never capture perfection like that.
And best of all? He’s ours. Not lured down the highway with a free ute. Not swayed by a “regional ambassador role” that pays triple his wage. No — Isaac Heeney plays for Sydney because he bleeds for Sydney. Because he is Sydney.
On Sunday, he’s going to light up the SCG like Vivid. The Cats can throw Stewart, Blicavs, or even Dangerfield at him, but it won’t matter. He’ll leap over them like they’re nothing more than a farm fence. And when the siren goes, he’ll jog off with three goals, 25 touches, and the smug satisfaction of knowing he’s the best player on the ground by a mile.
The King!
Chosen One
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Ticky009
Moderator
- Jun 2, 2014
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- #95
Let's be honest here, unless Scott decides to rest half his team a win next week is going to be challenge. Specially if Grundy and Juzzy are out. But I will abide.You start the thread ha ha im bad luck
The King!
Chosen One
Probably
The King!
Chosen One
We are sending you to the international space station
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